Posted by: kerryannekay | December 28, 2018

Oh, Fred

So this wasn’t the blog I had planned… As I was picking up Fred tonight, I felt a large lump on his back right butt next to his waxy spot.

“What the heck is that?” I asked him as I put him down. Fred bolted. “Uh-uh,” I told him, “Come here, I need to look at that!”

I scooped up Fred and put him on my chest for security. I felt a large bump. “Okay, is that a cyst, fat lump, or something else?” I asked his butt. The front side responded with an angry noise.

I took Fred into the bathroom to get a closer look. I pulled back his hair in the area and noticed a small scab. “Dude,” I sighed,”what is this thing?” As I felt gently around the scab, a white substance began to come out around it.

“Oh, that’s gross,” I told my poor guinea pig, “you’ve got an oily cyst.” Gentle pressure and warm water helped pull the rest of the stinky, oily, off white, tooth paste like substance out of him.

“Oh,” I complained as I gagged, “you are sure lucky I love you this much.” Fred sat there complaining to me. “I don’t like this either,” I explained as I used soap and water to clean the area.

“Okay,” I told him, “let me put some ointment on this and then you can go complain to Lamont about the abuse.” Fred continued to complain. I dried his but, applied ointment, and carried him back to his cage.

When I returned to the bedroom, I put Fred back into the cage. Lamont chattered his teeth at me in disapproval at Fred’s absence. “What?!?” I asked. “I was taking care of your brother,” I told him.

My hands smelled and I had to go wash them. Fred let out a huge wheek as I left the room. “Your welcome,” I called back, “you pain in the butt!” – KA

Posted by: kerryannekay | December 7, 2018

To All a Good Night

It’s been a long week for me. I think it’s the short, gray days we’ve been having here. When I got home, I fed the boys and ate my dinner. I was tired and decided to lay down in front of the television in the bedroom.

Big mistake.

I woke up four hours later. The television was still on and my computer was sitting next to me in sleep mode. I looked down to see the sweetest sight.

Fred and Lamont managed to escape from their cage again. They hadn’t wandered far. They were both curled up against my stomach sleeping. “Oh, boys,” I sighed. “You two are so sweet.”

Lamont shifted and then yawned. Fred was out cold. I laid there for several minutes more. Lamont got up and began to stretch. He made a motion like he was going to let several beans fly. “Do that in the cage,” I told him.

He heard my voice and took off for the cage leaving several beans in his wake. Lamont ran into a bowl of pellets in his wake. It woke up Fred. “Hey, dude,” I said to Fred.

Fred stretched and sauntered off back to the cage. As he walked, he stopped at each of Lamont’s beans and left his own. “Fred!” I admonished him at his second stop. That didn’t dissuade him. He went on matching Lamont bean for bean.

I rolled on to my back and asked the ceiling, “Why do all of my guinea pigs have attitudes?” There was no answer. I heard the boys digging into their hay.

“Okay,” I said getting up, “time for bed.” Of course, the boys demanded a snack. I obliged their request…”Thank you for the snuggle,”‘I told them while fed them. “I am the luckiest mom in the world.” – KA

Posted by: kerryannekay | November 23, 2018


This morning I was up at 6:00 am to start thanksgiving dinner for my family. Of course, I had to feed Fred and Lamont before I did anything. As I prepared their breakfast downstairs, I heard them dancing in anticipation of the meal upstairs.

I stopped what I was doing and stood there to listen to them. I realized that I was hearing the sounds of pure joy. Their dance made me smile.

As I waked I waked upstairs, Fred and Lamont called for me. “I’m coming!” I called back. ‘Silly boys,’ I thought. I walked into my room and the boys were standing right were I place their plate.

The boys enthusiastically went to work on their plate as soon as it hit the cage floor. I sat for a bit and watched them devour what was in front of them.

Lamont was the first to find a red bell pepper. As he took his first bite, his eyes grew wide and he stopped chewing for a moment in disbelief . “Yes, Lamont, that’s what you think it is,” I told him.

It didn’t take long for him to recover from the unexpected treat. He stuffed his face with the pepper. The area around his lips was soaked with red pepper. He looked like a clown.

Fred’s front paws were on the dish as he went after a second big piece of red pepper. He finished it in record time. “Dude,” I admonished him, “there’s plenty there! Slow down.” My warning fell on deaf ears.

“Okay!” I said, “Time to make the turnkey!” I got up and went to work on the human meal.

Two hours later I went upstairs to shower and get ready for guests. I popped my head in on Fred and Lamont. They were out cold in their snuggle sacks with both of their butts hanging out. I giggled at the site.

“Happy Thanksgiving,” I whispered to them, “I am grateful to have you both in my life. I love you both…”. – KA

Posted by: kerryannekay | November 16, 2018

Snack Problems

Lamont has started to develop a bad habit.  He complains every time I walk into the room.  Like tonight, I walked in after school.  The first thing I heard was him screaming for me.  I walked up stairs to check on both of the boys.  As I walked into my room, I saw Lamont up on his back legs with his paws on the cage fence.  He was looking for a snack.  “Oh, Lamont,” I sighed, “you’ve got to get off of this snack obsession.  I can’t feed you each time I walk into the room.”

“Wheek,” Lamont responded.

“Here,” I told him and grabbed a snack for him and gave it him.

Several moment later Lamont was back at it, “WHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHEEEEEEEEK!”

“No!” I told him.

“Wheek, wheek?” Lamont asked.

“No, no, no,” I replied to him.  Lamont chattered his teeth at me, turned, and let several beans fly before sauntering off.  “Fine,” I sniffed and walked off.

As I went downstairs, I heard Lamont yelling for me again, “WHHHEEEEK, pause,  WHHHEEEEK, pause, WHHHEEEEK.”

“NOOOOOO!” I yelled up from bottom of the stair well.  The yelling stopped.  “Thank,” and before I could finish the sentence, Lamont started up again.  “I’m not going to listen to this,” I said out loud to myself, “He’s not going to die,” I added walking into the kitchen.

As I began to make dinner, I hear Fred and Lamont running around their cage.  Every once and while, I heard them call for me.  “NO SNACKS!” I called back.

I put together the boys’ dinner and took it upstairs.  As I opened the door I was met with a loud, piercing “WHHEEEEK!” and saw two furry blurs tear across the room.  I was startled and threw my hands up protectively.

The plate of dinner, a fancy guinea pig salad, flew out of my hands.  Leaves of spring mix, carrots, tomatoes, and parsley rained down around me.  The plate hit the floor with a loud ‘thump’.

“BOYS!” I growled as I stood in the bedroom entrance and saw the salad strewn across the bedroom floor.  “Oh, boys,” I sighed as I bent down to clean up the mess.  Fred and Lamont took the second comment as an invitation to come out from behind the bed and have dinner.

Fred was the first one around the corner.  He found the closest sprig of parsley and began to chow down.  “Fred,” I sighed, “this isn’t a new type of modern guinea pig dinner.”  Lamont heard me talking to Fred and popped out from behind the bed.  He sniffed the air twice and headed straight for a tomato.  Lamont happily chewed on the tomato on the floor.  As far as he was concerned, dinner was served.

I put the plate in the center of the room and began to pick up the strewn salad.  Fred and Lamont helped clean one piece of edible debris at a time.  They were both happy.  I didn’t bother to move the plate back to their cage until they had their fill.

My sleepy boys did their business and went into their snuggle sacks to take a well-earned nap.  I thought they were asleep when I got up from the bed.  Nope.  Lamont let out a loud “WHHHEEEK!” and stuck his nose out from the bars of the cage to beg for a snack.

“NO SNACKS!” I told him.  “Isn’t that the whole reason for tonight’s mess?” I asked him.

Lamont let out a chuff at me and went back under the cover in the cage.  “Spoiled brat,” I called over my shoulder as I left my room and added, “Just the way I like my guinea pigs.” – KA

Posted by: kerryannekay | October 31, 2018

Halloween 2018

“What’s that noise?”

On a dark and dreary Halloween night,

Fred and Lamont heard a noise that gave them a fright.

Lamont said, “Oh, my, it’s a monster I fear!”

Fred replied, “I think it came from the house’s rear!”

“Mom, oh, mom!” both boys yelled to their mom in her bed,

She didn’t respond…perhaps she was dead?

“Oh, Lamont,” Fred cried,

“I think our mom died!”

Lamont said, “Don’t cry; don’t pout,”

“I’ve got a plan to break out!”

They chewed and chewed on their cage,

Their teeth did a spell like a mage.

The bars parted and they were free,

Off to their mom to go and see!

The boys ran and ran,

They were brave to enact their plan.

Lamont said, “The journey is long.”

“Let’s be brave, let’s be strong,”

“Mom, oh mom!” they called from below,

They saw mom move in the nightlight glow.

The boys wanted to make their mom prouder,

So they yelled her name louder and louder.

Then the voice of an angel came from the bed,

“Oh, boys, is that you calling me?” mom said.

Fred called, “Yes, mom were are here!”

She replied, “What do you need my dear?”

Then Fred turned to Lamont to say,

“Why did we break out of our cage today?”

Lamont asked, “Didn’t we think she was dead?”

“Because she didn’t answer from her bed?”

Mom called, “Boys it’s late and I’m not in the mood,”

“Did you two break out just for food?”

“Food?!” the boys called from the floor

“Oh, of course we want more!

Two happy guinea pigs were tucked back into bed,

Fears alleviated of their mom being dead.

“Happy Halloween,” they called to their mummy,

“Thanks again for the full tummy.”

The boys escaped again from their cage in search of food last night.  They inspired me to write this for Halloween. – KA

Posted by: kerryannekay | September 29, 2018

A Ghost

I recently saw a post by my friend Stacy. Sadly, she lost her pet capybara Dobby recently. She posted that a hose broke this past week. She concluded that Dobby must have bitten it before he passed away. She said it was like his “ghost” was there. I can relate…

I bought my house about a year and a half ago. I had to clean our the old apartment. As I cleaned under the bed, I found a dried bean. I immediately knew that Alfalfa had left it there. Fred and Lamont never went under my bed like Alfalfa.

As I grabbed the bean, a sense of longing and loss came over me. I sat there next to the bed on the floor holding this small piece of poop of in my palm crying. As I sat there, I remembered all of the good times I had with him. The pain in my heart eased with each memory.

I took the bean and preserved it with some resin.

The bean sits with my keepsakes in my office. It’s one of my most valuable possessions. Yes, it’s just guinea pig poop. But it stands for a life well lived and a pet well loved. – KA

Posted by: kerryannekay | September 14, 2018

I am sick…

I have been sick on and off for the past month.  It’s been a combination of bronchitis that turned into a raging sinus infection.  Aughhhh.  But guess what’s been the worse of the whole thing?  The boys.

5:15 am wake up calls:  My alarm is set for 6:00 am.  However, the boys have decided to wake me up 45 minutes early every morning since school has started.  I am sick and they won’t even let me sleep in.

Poop bombs:  The boys have taken throwing beans to a new level.  I have found them three to four feet from their cage.  This morning I stepped on two as I was getting out of bed.  I have no idea how they got next to my bed.  I can only assume that the boys are practicing for the next summer Olympics.

Whining at me:  I have had a cough.  It tends to get worse when I lay down.  Every time I have an attack in bed, the boys complain!  I stop coughing and they started whining away.  I tell them that I am okay and to calm down.  They never listen.

Wet lap:  I fell asleep with the boys on my lap the other day.  They both decided to pee on me.  I was rudely awoken to a wet lap.  They wanted to snuggle after they emptied their bladders.  Nope.  I put them back in their cage, put my clothes in the laundry, and took a shower.

Food demands:  The boys have been eating like crazy.  That’s fine.  But my goodness, they are eating me out of house and home.  I’ve had to go shopping for them twice this week already.  I can’t ‘stock up’ on their mixed greens because they go bad to quickly.

What do you think?  Have the boys been mean to me?  Or am I just over reacting?  I’m allowed a bit of that because of how I feel.  But on the positive side, they give the World’s best cuddles.  I guess it’s a labor of love… – KA

Posted by: kerryannekay | August 30, 2018

The Songs of Their People

I think Fred and Lamont can sense my stress about going back to school.  They have been a bit off most nights before I go to bed.  For example, the boys have been very vocal the past couple of days.  They favor the “Songs of Their People”.  Fred and Lamont have the most annoying song…

“Good night boys,” I told Fred and Lamont on Monday night as I was getting into bed.

Lamont answered back with, “WHhhhhhhhhekkk!”

I mistook his elongated wheek for a goodnight back and cooed, “Oh, Lamont.  I love you too.”

Fred added a grunt-wheek series, “Wherk-grunt-wherk!  Wherk-grunt-wherk.”

“Fred?” I called from the bed still not recognizing what was about to happen.  “You okay dude?  You need some probiotics?”  Fred chattered his teeth back.  “Fine,” I sighed, “but if you keep that up…”  I was rudely interrupted by Lamont.

“Wheeeeeeeek, wheeeek, swwweeeeeeek!” he called from the cage.

“La-mont,” I admonished him emphasizing each syllable in his name. “Could you please,” I was interrupted by a chattering and wheeking from him.  “Good grief!” I moaned, sat up in bed, and turned on my bed side lamp.

I saw Lamont standing on top of the plastic hide out.  He must have thought that the light was his spotlight.  He began to belt out a series of calls, “Wheek-wheek-wheeerrrk-wheek-wheek-wheeeeeeeek!”  He was on top of the ‘mountain’ singing the song of his people.

“Dude,” I called from bed.  “Please stop.  I’m trying to sleep.”  My pleas fell on deaf ears.  Fred was standing at the base of the hut.  He added his two cents when Lamont stopped.

“Wherrrrrrk-wheek-brrrrrrrr-brrrrr-brrrrrrrrrrr,” Fred called back.

“Seriously?” I asked from the bed.  “You two have started to sing the song of your people… now?!?”

Fred let out a long “Brrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr” in response to me.  “Fine,” I conceded, “I’m going to bed.”

I turned off the light and expected… Okay, I hoped that the boys would stop.  They didn’t.  *sigh*

The “wheeks”, “wherks”, “grunts”, “brrrrrrs”, and teeth chattering continued on and off for the sometime.  I threw a pillow over my head and managed to fall asleep.  In the morning, I got my revenge.  I woke the boys up for their breakfast at 6 am.  They stumbled out of the cozy sacks like two drunk sailors.  I giggled, “Uh-huh.  You see what happens when you stay up late and party on a school night?”

I after I fed the boys, I got into the shower.  By the time I was out, the boys were back in their sacks out cold.  “Must be nice,” I sighed as I went to the closet to pick out my outfit for the day.  – KA

Posted by: kerryannekay | August 16, 2018

The Vacation: Part 5 – “Mimi’s Mouth”

Where was I?  Oh, yes, my traitorous niece…

On Saturday morning after breakfast, we all decided to go down the boardwalk.  I feed the boys and they were happily sleeping in their closet.  We set out from the room to the elevators.  I was put in charge of my niece Mimi.  “Let’s go,” I told her and took her hand.  We walked out the elevator together.

I greeted the cleaning person with a “Good morning.”

She responded with a, “Good morning,” back.

Mimi looked up and saw the lady’s name tag.  “Hey!” she declared, “My name is Maria, too!”

“Smart girl,” the other Maria said.

“I’m very smart,” Mimi told her.  “I can keep secretes too!”

“Oh, yeah?” Maria asked, “Like what?”

“My aunt has guinea pigs,” Mimi told her.

“Mimi…” I warned.

“She’s got two guinea pigs in the closet,” she told Maria.

“Uhhh,” Maria said not quite knowing how to react.  She looked up at me.

I giggled at her.  “My niece has quite an imagination,” I explained and rubbed Mimi’s head.

“NO, I DON’T!” Mimi protested and stepped away.

“Fred and Lamont are in our room!” she yelled, stomped her feet, and pointed towards our room.  She added, “I can show you!”

“Maria,” I said.

Both Marias responded, “Yes?” at almost the same time.

“Mimi,” I sighed, “Please stop…  This poor lady doesn’t want to hear about my pets AT HOME,” I said placing emphasis on the ‘at home’ part.

“At home?” Maria asked.

“Yes,” I said flatly.

“We don’t allow pets in this hotel,” Maria informed me.

“I am aware of that,” I said again.  Mimi started to say something.  “And, I’m aware that little girls that don’t stop talking, don’t get ice cream on the boardwalk.”

“Oh, ice cream?” Mimi asked.  She pretended to zip her lips.

“Good girl,” told her.  Just then the elevator bell dinged.  “See you later,” I told Maria as I gently pulled Mimi into the elevator.
“I’ll take the next one,” Maria told me.

“Yeah,” I agreed.  As soon as the doors closed, I turned to Mimi and asked, “What the heck was that all about?”

“What?” Mimi asked.

“You told that lady our secret!” I loudly whispered.

“What secret?” Mimi asked.

“About Fred and Lamont…” I sighed.  I then added, “Listen, don’t tell anyone about Fred and Lamont.  Okay?”

“Okay,” Mimi sighed.  The elevator got to the lobby and we got out.  Mimi saw a little girl she was playing with at the pool.

She skipped over to the girl and announced, “Hey, Alyssa, you want to come and meet the guinea pigs in my room?”  She was standing no less than five feet away from the front desk.  Both agents looked up.  I made a circling motion with my hand and finger on the side of my head to indicate ‘crazy’ and pointed at my niece’s head.  Both of the agents went back to typing.

“MARIA!!!!!” I scolded her under my breath.  “Let’s go…”  I grabbed Mimi’s hand and gently tugged her towards the front doors.

“Do I still get ice cream?” Mimi asked me.

“Ughhhh,” was all I could say back.

Mimi made sure that everyone she met knew that she had ‘two guinea pigs in her room’ the entire weekend.  That wasn’t a problem for the people that we met on the beach and boardwalk.  But in our hotel, it was a different story.  I had to carry lollypops around and give one to her when we were entering or exiting the place.  I figured it was the best way to keep her quiet and occupied.

Fred and Lamont made it through the entire weekend with no incidents.  We were able to sneak them out of the hotel in the same box they had arrived in.  It was easier getting them out because of all of the checkout chaos.  Luckily the boys were exhausted from their little vacation and slept the entire way home…of course I gave them extra treats for being so well behaved when we got home.  Not a bad ‘surprise vacation’.  – KA

Posted by: kerryannekay | July 26, 2018

The Vacation: Part 4 – The Closet

When I got to the room, my first question was, “Where are the boys?”

My mom said, “On your bed,” and pointed to a room.  As I walked towards my bedroom, she added, “I told you it would work,” for good measure.

“Uh-huh,” is all I responded back to her.  When I opened the door, I saw the box Fred and Lamont had made their secret entrance in tipped over on the bed.  Fred and Lamont were exploring the bed leaving behind a bean trail.  A quiet “OY!” escaped my mouth as I surveyed the scene.

“You’re going to need to clean that up,” my mother informed me from behind.  She was standing in the door way.

“Nope,” I told her turning, “I like to sleep in guinea pig poop.”  I grabbed for the door to close it.

“Find a place to hide them,” she said pointing at the boys with her chin.  “We don’t want housekeeping to find them,” she warned me.

“Hide?” I asked, “Yeah, let’s just put them in the trash can,” I told her sarcastically and closed the door.  Fred stop his popcorning when he heard the door close.  “Your grandmother hates me,” I told him.  I sat down on the bed and Fred immediately was at my side.  He let out a soft purr.  Fred was trying to cheer me up.  I gently stroked his crest just the way he liked it.  He let out another purr and laid down next to me.  “Thanks dude,” I told him.  Lamont didn’t want to left out.  He pulled up next to Fred and plopped down.  Lamont looked up at me expectantly.  “Good boy,” I told him rubbing his face and cheeks.

After several minutes of petting, both boys were docile and on the verge of falling asleep.  I got up and started to search for a good spot to ‘hide’ the boys.  My first though was to hide them under the bed.

I got down on my knees and pulled back the bed skirt.  I was met with a solid wood base.  “I guess no dead bodies are being shoved under there,” I told the room.  Lamont let out a small whimper.  “Yeah,” I sighed getting up, “your mother has a bad mind.”

As I turned around, I saw the closet.  “Boys,” I giggled, “I think I’m going to put you in the closet!”  Fred chattered his teeth at me.  “Whatever,” I said to Fred and got to work setting up the boys’ cage.

The cage was a perfect fit.  When the left door was closed, 3/4ths of the cage was covered.  This gave the boys some privacy with air.  When both doors were closed, no one could tell that there was anything wrong with the room.  It was too dark in the closet when both doors were closed.  Fred and Lamont didn’t like it and would protest.  So, I had to keep the lights on to keep them quiet if the doors were closed.  That was no big deal.

*Breakfast the next Morning*

“Okay,” I announced to the dinner table, “NO, under no circumstances, no, no, no housekeeping.”

“Why?” my four-year-old niece asked.

“We have to hide Fred and Lamont,” I explained to her.

“Why?” she asked.

“Because, they are not allowed,” I explained again.  My patience was growing thin.  “So, we have to keep them a secret.”

“What’s in it for me?” Mimi asked.

“What?” I let out almost spitting out my iced tea.  I coughed out, “What do you mean, ‘What’s in it for me’?  Who do you think you’re dealing with here?”

“I need…” she paused and thought really hard, “That ride out there.  I want to go on that ride.”  Clearly, she had seen the small pier of boardwalk rides from our hotel room.

“Seriously?  Which one?” I asked incredulously.

“The big one,” she told me.

“That ain’t gonna happen,” I said and put down my fork to emphasize my point.

“Well, I’m gonna tell on you,” my niece informed me.

“Go ahead,” I replied crossing my arms across my chest, “You’re too small to ride that sling shot ride.”  Mimi’s mouth dropped open.  “Uh-huh,” I announced, “I know your dare devil but all too well.  You’re not going on that thing.”

Mimi sighed and began to think furiously.  I interrupted her thought process with, “How about the carrousel?” I added, “You can ride the princess horse.”

“Fine,” my niece said with a triumphant smile.

“Fine,” I agreed, “Pinky swear it,” I told her.

Mimi and I swore to keep the secret of Fred and Lamont’s presence in the hotel a secret.  I didn’t have to ask the adults.  They all knew to keep quiet already.  But I should have known better than to trust a four-year-old.  She let the beans spill as soon as we got the elevator later that morning…  But that’s next week’s blog.  – KA

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