Posted by: kerryannekay | November 16, 2018

Snack Problems

Lamont has started to develop a bad habit.  He complains every time I walk into the room.  Like tonight, I walked in after school.  The first thing I heard was him screaming for me.  I walked up stairs to check on both of the boys.  As I walked into my room, I saw Lamont up on his back legs with his paws on the cage fence.  He was looking for a snack.  “Oh, Lamont,” I sighed, “you’ve got to get off of this snack obsession.  I can’t feed you each time I walk into the room.”

“Wheek,” Lamont responded.

“Here,” I told him and grabbed a snack for him and gave it him.

Several moment later Lamont was back at it, “WHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHEEEEEEEEK!”

“No!” I told him.

“Wheek, wheek?” Lamont asked.

“No, no, no,” I replied to him.  Lamont chattered his teeth at me, turned, and let several beans fly before sauntering off.  “Fine,” I sniffed and walked off.

As I went downstairs, I heard Lamont yelling for me again, “WHHHEEEEK, pause,  WHHHEEEEK, pause, WHHHEEEEK.”

“NOOOOOO!” I yelled up from bottom of the stair well.  The yelling stopped.  “Thank,” and before I could finish the sentence, Lamont started up again.  “I’m not going to listen to this,” I said out loud to myself, “He’s not going to die,” I added walking into the kitchen.

As I began to make dinner, I hear Fred and Lamont running around their cage.  Every once and while, I heard them call for me.  “NO SNACKS!” I called back.

I put together the boys’ dinner and took it upstairs.  As I opened the door I was met with a loud, piercing “WHHEEEEK!” and saw two furry blurs tear across the room.  I was startled and threw my hands up protectively.

The plate of dinner, a fancy guinea pig salad, flew out of my hands.  Leaves of spring mix, carrots, tomatoes, and parsley rained down around me.  The plate hit the floor with a loud ‘thump’.

“BOYS!” I growled as I stood in the bedroom entrance and saw the salad strewn across the bedroom floor.  “Oh, boys,” I sighed as I bent down to clean up the mess.  Fred and Lamont took the second comment as an invitation to come out from behind the bed and have dinner.

Fred was the first one around the corner.  He found the closest sprig of parsley and began to chow down.  “Fred,” I sighed, “this isn’t a new type of modern guinea pig dinner.”  Lamont heard me talking to Fred and popped out from behind the bed.  He sniffed the air twice and headed straight for a tomato.  Lamont happily chewed on the tomato on the floor.  As far as he was concerned, dinner was served.

I put the plate in the center of the room and began to pick up the strewn salad.  Fred and Lamont helped clean one piece of edible debris at a time.  They were both happy.  I didn’t bother to move the plate back to their cage until they had their fill.

My sleepy boys did their business and went into their snuggle sacks to take a well-earned nap.  I thought they were asleep when I got up from the bed.  Nope.  Lamont let out a loud “WHHHEEEK!” and stuck his nose out from the bars of the cage to beg for a snack.

“NO SNACKS!” I told him.  “Isn’t that the whole reason for tonight’s mess?” I asked him.

Lamont let out a chuff at me and went back under the cover in the cage.  “Spoiled brat,” I called over my shoulder as I left my room and added, “Just the way I like my guinea pigs.” – KA

Posted by: kerryannekay | October 31, 2018

Halloween 2018

“What’s that noise?”

On a dark and dreary Halloween night,

Fred and Lamont heard a noise that gave them a fright.

Lamont said, “Oh, my, it’s a monster I fear!”

Fred replied, “I think it came from the house’s rear!”

“Mom, oh, mom!” both boys yelled to their mom in her bed,

She didn’t respond…perhaps she was dead?

“Oh, Lamont,” Fred cried,

“I think our mom died!”

Lamont said, “Don’t cry; don’t pout,”

“I’ve got a plan to break out!”

They chewed and chewed on their cage,

Their teeth did a spell like a mage.

The bars parted and they were free,

Off to their mom to go and see!

The boys ran and ran,

They were brave to enact their plan.

Lamont said, “The journey is long.”

“Let’s be brave, let’s be strong,”

“Mom, oh mom!” they called from below,

They saw mom move in the nightlight glow.

The boys wanted to make their mom prouder,

So they yelled her name louder and louder.

Then the voice of an angel came from the bed,

“Oh, boys, is that you calling me?” mom said.

Fred called, “Yes, mom were are here!”

She replied, “What do you need my dear?”

Then Fred turned to Lamont to say,

“Why did we break out of our cage today?”

Lamont asked, “Didn’t we think she was dead?”

“Because she didn’t answer from her bed?”

Mom called, “Boys it’s late and I’m not in the mood,”

“Did you two break out just for food?”

“Food?!” the boys called from the floor

“Oh, of course we want more!

Two happy guinea pigs were tucked back into bed,

Fears alleviated of their mom being dead.

“Happy Halloween,” they called to their mummy,

“Thanks again for the full tummy.”

The boys escaped again from their cage in search of food last night.  They inspired me to write this for Halloween. – KA

Posted by: kerryannekay | September 29, 2018

A Ghost

I recently saw a post by my friend Stacy. Sadly, she lost her pet capybara Dobby recently. She posted that a hose broke this past week. She concluded that Dobby must have bitten it before he passed away. She said it was like his “ghost” was there. I can relate…

I bought my house about a year and a half ago. I had to clean our the old apartment. As I cleaned under the bed, I found a dried bean. I immediately knew that Alfalfa had left it there. Fred and Lamont never went under my bed like Alfalfa.

As I grabbed the bean, a sense of longing and loss came over me. I sat there next to the bed on the floor holding this small piece of poop of in my palm crying. As I sat there, I remembered all of the good times I had with him. The pain in my heart eased with each memory.

I took the bean and preserved it with some resin.

The bean sits with my keepsakes in my office. It’s one of my most valuable possessions. Yes, it’s just guinea pig poop. But it stands for a life well lived and a pet well loved. – KA

Posted by: kerryannekay | September 14, 2018

I am sick…

I have been sick on and off for the past month.  It’s been a combination of bronchitis that turned into a raging sinus infection.  Aughhhh.  But guess what’s been the worse of the whole thing?  The boys.

5:15 am wake up calls:  My alarm is set for 6:00 am.  However, the boys have decided to wake me up 45 minutes early every morning since school has started.  I am sick and they won’t even let me sleep in.

Poop bombs:  The boys have taken throwing beans to a new level.  I have found them three to four feet from their cage.  This morning I stepped on two as I was getting out of bed.  I have no idea how they got next to my bed.  I can only assume that the boys are practicing for the next summer Olympics.

Whining at me:  I have had a cough.  It tends to get worse when I lay down.  Every time I have an attack in bed, the boys complain!  I stop coughing and they started whining away.  I tell them that I am okay and to calm down.  They never listen.

Wet lap:  I fell asleep with the boys on my lap the other day.  They both decided to pee on me.  I was rudely awoken to a wet lap.  They wanted to snuggle after they emptied their bladders.  Nope.  I put them back in their cage, put my clothes in the laundry, and took a shower.

Food demands:  The boys have been eating like crazy.  That’s fine.  But my goodness, they are eating me out of house and home.  I’ve had to go shopping for them twice this week already.  I can’t ‘stock up’ on their mixed greens because they go bad to quickly.

What do you think?  Have the boys been mean to me?  Or am I just over reacting?  I’m allowed a bit of that because of how I feel.  But on the positive side, they give the World’s best cuddles.  I guess it’s a labor of love… – KA

Posted by: kerryannekay | August 30, 2018

The Songs of Their People

I think Fred and Lamont can sense my stress about going back to school.  They have been a bit off most nights before I go to bed.  For example, the boys have been very vocal the past couple of days.  They favor the “Songs of Their People”.  Fred and Lamont have the most annoying song…

“Good night boys,” I told Fred and Lamont on Monday night as I was getting into bed.

Lamont answered back with, “WHhhhhhhhhekkk!”

I mistook his elongated wheek for a goodnight back and cooed, “Oh, Lamont.  I love you too.”

Fred added a grunt-wheek series, “Wherk-grunt-wherk!  Wherk-grunt-wherk.”

“Fred?” I called from the bed still not recognizing what was about to happen.  “You okay dude?  You need some probiotics?”  Fred chattered his teeth back.  “Fine,” I sighed, “but if you keep that up…”  I was rudely interrupted by Lamont.

“Wheeeeeeeek, wheeeek, swwweeeeeeek!” he called from the cage.

“La-mont,” I admonished him emphasizing each syllable in his name. “Could you please,” I was interrupted by a chattering and wheeking from him.  “Good grief!” I moaned, sat up in bed, and turned on my bed side lamp.

I saw Lamont standing on top of the plastic hide out.  He must have thought that the light was his spotlight.  He began to belt out a series of calls, “Wheek-wheek-wheeerrrk-wheek-wheek-wheeeeeeeek!”  He was on top of the ‘mountain’ singing the song of his people.

“Dude,” I called from bed.  “Please stop.  I’m trying to sleep.”  My pleas fell on deaf ears.  Fred was standing at the base of the hut.  He added his two cents when Lamont stopped.

“Wherrrrrrk-wheek-brrrrrrrr-brrrrr-brrrrrrrrrrr,” Fred called back.

“Seriously?” I asked from the bed.  “You two have started to sing the song of your people… now?!?”

Fred let out a long “Brrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr” in response to me.  “Fine,” I conceded, “I’m going to bed.”

I turned off the light and expected… Okay, I hoped that the boys would stop.  They didn’t.  *sigh*

The “wheeks”, “wherks”, “grunts”, “brrrrrrs”, and teeth chattering continued on and off for the sometime.  I threw a pillow over my head and managed to fall asleep.  In the morning, I got my revenge.  I woke the boys up for their breakfast at 6 am.  They stumbled out of the cozy sacks like two drunk sailors.  I giggled, “Uh-huh.  You see what happens when you stay up late and party on a school night?”

I after I fed the boys, I got into the shower.  By the time I was out, the boys were back in their sacks out cold.  “Must be nice,” I sighed as I went to the closet to pick out my outfit for the day.  – KA

Posted by: kerryannekay | August 16, 2018

The Vacation: Part 5 – “Mimi’s Mouth”

Where was I?  Oh, yes, my traitorous niece…

On Saturday morning after breakfast, we all decided to go down the boardwalk.  I feed the boys and they were happily sleeping in their closet.  We set out from the room to the elevators.  I was put in charge of my niece Mimi.  “Let’s go,” I told her and took her hand.  We walked out the elevator together.

I greeted the cleaning person with a “Good morning.”

She responded with a, “Good morning,” back.

Mimi looked up and saw the lady’s name tag.  “Hey!” she declared, “My name is Maria, too!”

“Smart girl,” the other Maria said.

“I’m very smart,” Mimi told her.  “I can keep secretes too!”

“Oh, yeah?” Maria asked, “Like what?”

“My aunt has guinea pigs,” Mimi told her.

“Mimi…” I warned.

“She’s got two guinea pigs in the closet,” she told Maria.

“Uhhh,” Maria said not quite knowing how to react.  She looked up at me.

I giggled at her.  “My niece has quite an imagination,” I explained and rubbed Mimi’s head.

“NO, I DON’T!” Mimi protested and stepped away.

“Fred and Lamont are in our room!” she yelled, stomped her feet, and pointed towards our room.  She added, “I can show you!”

“Maria,” I said.

Both Marias responded, “Yes?” at almost the same time.

“Mimi,” I sighed, “Please stop…  This poor lady doesn’t want to hear about my pets AT HOME,” I said placing emphasis on the ‘at home’ part.

“At home?” Maria asked.

“Yes,” I said flatly.

“We don’t allow pets in this hotel,” Maria informed me.

“I am aware of that,” I said again.  Mimi started to say something.  “And, I’m aware that little girls that don’t stop talking, don’t get ice cream on the boardwalk.”

“Oh, ice cream?” Mimi asked.  She pretended to zip her lips.

“Good girl,” told her.  Just then the elevator bell dinged.  “See you later,” I told Maria as I gently pulled Mimi into the elevator.
“I’ll take the next one,” Maria told me.

“Yeah,” I agreed.  As soon as the doors closed, I turned to Mimi and asked, “What the heck was that all about?”

“What?” Mimi asked.

“You told that lady our secret!” I loudly whispered.

“What secret?” Mimi asked.

“About Fred and Lamont…” I sighed.  I then added, “Listen, don’t tell anyone about Fred and Lamont.  Okay?”

“Okay,” Mimi sighed.  The elevator got to the lobby and we got out.  Mimi saw a little girl she was playing with at the pool.

She skipped over to the girl and announced, “Hey, Alyssa, you want to come and meet the guinea pigs in my room?”  She was standing no less than five feet away from the front desk.  Both agents looked up.  I made a circling motion with my hand and finger on the side of my head to indicate ‘crazy’ and pointed at my niece’s head.  Both of the agents went back to typing.

“MARIA!!!!!” I scolded her under my breath.  “Let’s go…”  I grabbed Mimi’s hand and gently tugged her towards the front doors.

“Do I still get ice cream?” Mimi asked me.

“Ughhhh,” was all I could say back.

Mimi made sure that everyone she met knew that she had ‘two guinea pigs in her room’ the entire weekend.  That wasn’t a problem for the people that we met on the beach and boardwalk.  But in our hotel, it was a different story.  I had to carry lollypops around and give one to her when we were entering or exiting the place.  I figured it was the best way to keep her quiet and occupied.

Fred and Lamont made it through the entire weekend with no incidents.  We were able to sneak them out of the hotel in the same box they had arrived in.  It was easier getting them out because of all of the checkout chaos.  Luckily the boys were exhausted from their little vacation and slept the entire way home…of course I gave them extra treats for being so well behaved when we got home.  Not a bad ‘surprise vacation’.  – KA

Posted by: kerryannekay | July 26, 2018

The Vacation: Part 4 – The Closet

When I got to the room, my first question was, “Where are the boys?”

My mom said, “On your bed,” and pointed to a room.  As I walked towards my bedroom, she added, “I told you it would work,” for good measure.

“Uh-huh,” is all I responded back to her.  When I opened the door, I saw the box Fred and Lamont had made their secret entrance in tipped over on the bed.  Fred and Lamont were exploring the bed leaving behind a bean trail.  A quiet “OY!” escaped my mouth as I surveyed the scene.

“You’re going to need to clean that up,” my mother informed me from behind.  She was standing in the door way.

“Nope,” I told her turning, “I like to sleep in guinea pig poop.”  I grabbed for the door to close it.

“Find a place to hide them,” she said pointing at the boys with her chin.  “We don’t want housekeeping to find them,” she warned me.

“Hide?” I asked, “Yeah, let’s just put them in the trash can,” I told her sarcastically and closed the door.  Fred stop his popcorning when he heard the door close.  “Your grandmother hates me,” I told him.  I sat down on the bed and Fred immediately was at my side.  He let out a soft purr.  Fred was trying to cheer me up.  I gently stroked his crest just the way he liked it.  He let out another purr and laid down next to me.  “Thanks dude,” I told him.  Lamont didn’t want to left out.  He pulled up next to Fred and plopped down.  Lamont looked up at me expectantly.  “Good boy,” I told him rubbing his face and cheeks.

After several minutes of petting, both boys were docile and on the verge of falling asleep.  I got up and started to search for a good spot to ‘hide’ the boys.  My first though was to hide them under the bed.

I got down on my knees and pulled back the bed skirt.  I was met with a solid wood base.  “I guess no dead bodies are being shoved under there,” I told the room.  Lamont let out a small whimper.  “Yeah,” I sighed getting up, “your mother has a bad mind.”

As I turned around, I saw the closet.  “Boys,” I giggled, “I think I’m going to put you in the closet!”  Fred chattered his teeth at me.  “Whatever,” I said to Fred and got to work setting up the boys’ cage.

The cage was a perfect fit.  When the left door was closed, 3/4ths of the cage was covered.  This gave the boys some privacy with air.  When both doors were closed, no one could tell that there was anything wrong with the room.  It was too dark in the closet when both doors were closed.  Fred and Lamont didn’t like it and would protest.  So, I had to keep the lights on to keep them quiet if the doors were closed.  That was no big deal.

*Breakfast the next Morning*

“Okay,” I announced to the dinner table, “NO, under no circumstances, no, no, no housekeeping.”

“Why?” my four-year-old niece asked.

“We have to hide Fred and Lamont,” I explained to her.

“Why?” she asked.

“Because, they are not allowed,” I explained again.  My patience was growing thin.  “So, we have to keep them a secret.”

“What’s in it for me?” Mimi asked.

“What?” I let out almost spitting out my iced tea.  I coughed out, “What do you mean, ‘What’s in it for me’?  Who do you think you’re dealing with here?”

“I need…” she paused and thought really hard, “That ride out there.  I want to go on that ride.”  Clearly, she had seen the small pier of boardwalk rides from our hotel room.

“Seriously?  Which one?” I asked incredulously.

“The big one,” she told me.

“That ain’t gonna happen,” I said and put down my fork to emphasize my point.

“Well, I’m gonna tell on you,” my niece informed me.

“Go ahead,” I replied crossing my arms across my chest, “You’re too small to ride that sling shot ride.”  Mimi’s mouth dropped open.  “Uh-huh,” I announced, “I know your dare devil but all too well.  You’re not going on that thing.”

Mimi sighed and began to think furiously.  I interrupted her thought process with, “How about the carrousel?” I added, “You can ride the princess horse.”

“Fine,” my niece said with a triumphant smile.

“Fine,” I agreed, “Pinky swear it,” I told her.

Mimi and I swore to keep the secret of Fred and Lamont’s presence in the hotel a secret.  I didn’t have to ask the adults.  They all knew to keep quiet already.  But I should have known better than to trust a four-year-old.  She let the beans spill as soon as we got the elevator later that morning…  But that’s next week’s blog.  – KA

Posted by: kerryannekay | July 19, 2018

The “Vacation” – Part 3: The Arrival

Of course, we arrived later at the hotel in Atlantic City. I went to pull the boys’ carrier from the back seat of my car.
“NO!” my mother said almost closing my back door on me.
“What?!” I replied jumping back.
“That’s too big and obvious.”
“We have to hide the boys,” she explained.
“What do you mean that we have to hide the boys?” I blurted out in exasperation. “I thought you said this hotel was pet friendly!” I couldn’t believe what I was hearing.
“Put them in a bag. I’ll smuggle them up to our room,” she told me. My mother began to look over my shoulder in search of a carrying device.
“MOM!” I continued in frustration, “You just can’t throw Fred and Lamont in a bag and expect them to not freak out… You’re going to kill them!”
“I’m not going to kill them!” she snapped back. “It’s just a bag!”
“No, they are going to both have a heart attack! Fred might survive but Lamont will freak out and at minimum hurt himself….” I argued.
“Why didn’t you tell me that the boys aren’t welcome in this hotel? I would have made arrangements… I would have tried. All of the local places are booked
… It’s Memorial Day weekend…everything is booked!” my voice and tone were harsh with frustration. I began to add, “I can’t believe that you…” and stopped mid-sentence. I had seen the bell hop out of the corner of my eye and instinctively cut my words short. I put my pointer finger to my lips in the universal sign of ‘be quiet’. My mother and I may not agree on certain things but we know that our family’s interests always come first and outsiders don’t need to know our business.
Seeing my hand, she turned to see the reason behind my warning. “Ah,” she sighed, “Could you help us out?” she asked the bellhop in the most cordial tone. It wasn’t even close to the same tone she was using with me.
“Yes, ma’ma,” the bellhop replied with a smile. “What room?” he asked picking up one of my bags.
“1201,” she said handing him a dollar bill. He graciously took it and began to load my five bags on to the cart.
I sighed at the measly tip. I opened my wallet and pulled out a five-dollar bill, “Use the service elevator. I need my bags to change when I get to the room,” I explained.
“Yes, ma’am,” the bellhop agreed and took off with the luggage cart.
“What was that?” my mother hissed at me. Her harsh tone was back.
“A tip,” I sneered back, “The poor man has to make a living! And if he heard us arguing about Fred and Lamont, he’s just forgotten about it.
In a panic, I popped the trunk and went on a search through it. I grabbed a box I usually use for cleaning supplies and dumped it unceremoniously. The wind blew hard in my face and tried to prevent me from opening the front passenger’s side door. “Crap,” I sighed yanking it with all of my might.
“Ooooo,” my niece proclaimed, “you said a curse word!” She then turned to my mother and informed her, “Granma, Aunt K-K said a curse word.” I ignored my traitorous niece and set to getting the boys into their box.
“We will deal with her later,” my mother explained to her.
“Mimi,” I sighed from inside the car, “no one likes a tattle tale.” I put a small towel in the box to line it. “Boys,” I sighed as the wind blew hard, “I’m sorry for this. Please behave.” All I could do was hope that they weren’t discovered. I gingerly placed both guinea pigs in the plastic box. They were not happy with me. “Sorry guys,” I apologized. I grabbed a blanket off of the front seat and covered the box.
“Give them to me,” my mother told me. “I’ll take them up to the room…”
“Are you sure?” I asked my mother.
“Yeah, I got this,” she reassured me. “I’ve been sneaking things into places that they shouldn’t be for my entire life…”
“Mom!” I chided her, “I don’t want to hear about this! You’re going to traumatize me!”
My mother turned to Mimi, “We need to keep a secret,” she told her. “Do you think you can keep Fred and Lamont a secret?” My niece solemnly shook her head ‘yes’. She took her hand and make a zipper like motion over her mouth and threw away a fake key. “Good job,” my mother said and added, “There’s a big reward in it for you!” Mimi shook her head yes but didn’t say a word. “Nice,” my mother told her. The set off towards the hotel.
“I hope this works,” I sighed and got into my car. I had to park it and just trust that my mother and Mimi would take care of the boys. Did they make it to the room or did we get kicked out of the hotel? That’s next week’s blog. – KA

Posted by: kerryannekay | July 4, 2018

The Vacation – Part 2: “Car Tripping”

On Thursday afternoon before vacation, I began my preparations.  I packed up all of the boys’ stuff I could manage in the back seat of the car.  Of course, this mean that I had to go to work with all of that in the back seat.  And, this also meant I got several odd comments from my fellow teachers asking me “Are you planning on running away?”.  When I responded in the affirmative to several, they all just said, “Be sure to leave plans for your classes and get a sub…”  I work with such supportive people…but that’s another story.

On Friday afternoon, I rushed home and finished my personal packing, threw everything into the car, and went upstairs to get the boys.  They were gone.  Nowhere.  Gone.  It seems that they had managed to push their cage out of the way and run.  “BOYS?” I called.  They didn’t respond.  “BOYS!” I called again starting to search the room.  “You’re not going to the vet,” I told them and added, “There’s no reason to hide.  We’re going on vacation…”  I was met with total silence.

I sat down on the bed and threw myself back.  As I stared at the ceiling fan I wondered, ‘Does anyone else in the world have two guinea pigs like this?  Like these two trouble makers?’  ‘I doubt it,’ I quickly concluded.  I let out a large sigh.  It was then that I felt a small nibble at my toe.  “Yes, Lamont,” I said to the ceiling.  Lamont let out a quick chirp of excitement upon hearing his name.  He continued to nibble at my toe in order to gain my attention.  “Uh huh,” I sighed, “I’m not chasing you so it’s not fun,” I told him.  Fred rumbled back.  “Fred,” I sung still not moving. I heard Fred do a small popcorn dance.

“SO,” I exhaled sitting up, “you’ve both found me and want a prize?” I asked.  “You want a treat?” I asked the boys looking down on them.  The word ‘treat’ sent both into a mini frenzy.  Both popcorned and turned in a circle.  “Fine,” I relented and opened the underbed draw.  The boys both moved into a better position to be ‘rewarded’ for their long and hard search for their mother.  I gave them both treats.  They proudly bounded off to their cage with their rewards.

Five minutes later I was able to gather up both boys and place them in their carrier.  They didn’t fight me.  We set off for Atlantic City.  An hour into the trip the boys started causing trouble.  It started with the carrier rocking.  “Boys,” I cautioned them, “cut it out…”  The whines started.  “Fred and ‘Mont…” I warned.  It didn’t work.

“Well,” I sighed putting my blinker on, “I guess I’m stopping for dinner and to allow you two to stretch your legs.”  I pulled into the parking lot of a big chain store fast food restaurant.  The moment I stopped the boys were at the carrier door.  They grabbed the bars of the door and began to pull.  “Okay, okay,” I told and unbuckled the carrier from the passenger seat.

I got out of the car and went over to the passenger side. I opened the door, put a towel in the foot space, and got the boys out their carrier.  Fred and Lamont did a quick happy dance.  “Okay,” I told them, “Let me get you some dinner.”  I went into the cold bag in the back seat and got out the boys’ dinner.  They were happily eating when I went to get my dinner.

I was sitting behind the wheel having dinner and the boys were in the passenger foot well having their dinner when my phone rang.  It was my mother.  “Uh-oh,” I sighed.

“Where are you?” my mother asked.

“In the parking lot of a fast food restaurant,” I told her between bites of my chicken sandwich.

“Why?” she demanded.

“Well, the boys needed for me to stop,” I explain.

“The boys? The guinea pigs told you that they needed to stop?” she said with a lot of doubt in her voice.  Then added, “I doubt they told you to stop…”

“Of course, they didn’t tell me,” I explained, “They started to fight in their carrier.  So, I had not choice but to stop.”

“Uh, huh,” my mother complained to me over the phone.  “You’re going to get here at midnight!”

“Perhaps,” I sighed, “But I have to take care of the boys…”

“They are not kids.  I’m sure they would have been fine,” she told me.

“Grrrr,” I mocked.

“Call me when your close,” she stated and hung up.

Fred chattered his teeth.  “That’s right!” I told him, “Your grandmother is mad at you both for making me stop.”  Lamont stopped mid chew and let out a low rumble.  “Yes, Lamont,” I empathized, “Food always come first.”

Fred, Lamont, and I finished our meals.  The boys began to yawn as they walked in small circles in the well.  “Okay, boys,” I told them, “Poop and then we will get back on the road.”  Within five minutes both boys had produced several small piles of beans.

Before they could become comfortable in the well, I put both back into the carrier.  Lamont yawned and stretched as he laid down against the back corner of the carrier.  Fred took up his usual post near the front.  I shook out the beans in the parking lot and got back behind the wheel.

We were back on our way.  There is more to this vacation adventure but that’s next week’s blog.  – KA

Posted by: kerryannekay | June 6, 2018

The Vacation – Part 1: “Surprises and Reservations”

Have you ever been on a ‘surprise’ vacation?  I was this past weekend.  You see my mother mentioned the idea of going away to one of her resort club locations.  She never bothered to mention that she had booked it until two weeks before the date.  Surprise!

“We’re going to Atlantic City on Memorial Day weekend,” my mother more ordered than told me over the phone.

“Why that weekend?  It’s going to be crowded.  We aren’t going to have a nice time…” I tried my best arguments to reason with her.

“Nope.  I’ve booked the hotel room and used our points.  I could only get a two-bedroom suit.  You will have to sleep on the couch,” she explained.

“I’m not sleeping on the couch,” I protested.  “It wasn’t my idea to go to AC on one of the busiest weekends of the year.  You’re the crazy women that booked this…”

“Fine, you can share a bed with Terri,” she relented.  (Terri is a family friend.)

“Fine,” I replied in a snarky tone.  “But if she grabs my butt in bed, I’m filing charges.”

My mother did not find my comments amusing.  She just let out a low ‘grrrrr’ back at me and said, “I need to go; love you.” With that, she unceremoniously hung up on me.

“Lovely,” I said to the dead phone.  I turned to the boys and asked them.  “Guess who’s going to need a baby sitter?”  Fred chatter his teeth at me in a threating tone.  “Don’t you start with me, young man!” I admonished him.  Lamont whined.  “You too?” I sighed.

I picked up the phone and called my first choice for boarding the boys.  “Booked?” I replied in exasperation, “Surely you have room for two more guinea pigs.”

“No, ma’am,” the voice on the other side of the line replied.  All of our cage space is taken for the little ones,” she then added, “and for the big ones as a matter of fact,” to emphasize her point.

I hung up the phone with a bit of hope that my back up boarder would be available.  “Well,” the lady admonished me, “You are trying to book your vacation boarding with us a bit late, aren’t you?”

“I just found out about it less than an hour ago!” I tried to explain in desperation.

“You remembered to book your guinea pigs’ boarding less than an hour ago,” she incorrectly corrected me.

“What!?!” I exclaimed shocked, “No, no, no.  You don’t know my mother!”  I stopped and took a deep breath.  “So, do you have space for Fred and Lamont?”

I heard some quick typing.  “No,” the women on the other end replied.

“Okay,” I relented, “Thank you.”

“Next time try to book you boarding at least a month in advance,” the lady told me in order to get in one last jab.  She hung up before I could respond.

“Why you…” I complained to a dead phone line for the second time that day.

I called no less than five different boarders.  All of them were booked.  Most thought I was crazy for trying to book boarding so last minute.  They didn’t know my mother.

“Who ‘forgets’ to tell their daughter that they booked a vacation,” I asked the boys from my bed.  I was sprawled out across the bed, worn out from trying to find a boarder for the boys.  “I’m about to give up,” I declared.  Then the idea hit me, “You two need to go on vacation with me,” I told the boys.  Lamont whined.  “Yeah,” I sighed, “I don’t like the idea either.”

I called my mother on the phone.  “Mom, is the hotel pet friendly?” I asked her.

“Yeah, why?” she asked.

“Good,” I declared.  “I need to bring the boys with me.  I’ve tried every place and everyone I know within fifty miles of here.  NO one is available to help me with the boys.”

“Okay,” she sighed, “but you need to be sure to clean up and vacuum them.”

“When don’t I?” I asked as a rebuke, “I’m the responsible child.  Remember?”

“Uh-huh,” she stated and then, “good night.” And hug up the phone on me, again.

“Don’t hang up on m…..” I mumbled into the dead phone.  I threw my phone down on the bed.

I turned to the boys and asked them, “You feeling lucky, boys?” Lamont stuck his noise in the air.  Fred began to popcorn.  “So, are you two excited or did someone just fart?” I asked them.  (To be continued next week). – KA

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