Posted by: kerryannekay | June 6, 2018

The Vacation – Part 1: “Surprises and Reservations”

Have you ever been on a ‘surprise’ vacation?  I was this past weekend.  You see my mother mentioned the idea of going away to one of her resort club locations.  She never bothered to mention that she had booked it until two weeks before the date.  Surprise!

“We’re going to Atlantic City on Memorial Day weekend,” my mother more ordered than told me over the phone.

“Why that weekend?  It’s going to be crowded.  We aren’t going to have a nice time…” I tried my best arguments to reason with her.

“Nope.  I’ve booked the hotel room and used our points.  I could only get a two-bedroom suit.  You will have to sleep on the couch,” she explained.

“I’m not sleeping on the couch,” I protested.  “It wasn’t my idea to go to AC on one of the busiest weekends of the year.  You’re the crazy women that booked this…”

“Fine, you can share a bed with Terri,” she relented.  (Terri is a family friend.)

“Fine,” I replied in a snarky tone.  “But if she grabs my butt in bed, I’m filing charges.”

My mother did not find my comments amusing.  She just let out a low ‘grrrrr’ back at me and said, “I need to go; love you.” With that, she unceremoniously hung up on me.

“Lovely,” I said to the dead phone.  I turned to the boys and asked them.  “Guess who’s going to need a baby sitter?”  Fred chatter his teeth at me in a threating tone.  “Don’t you start with me, young man!” I admonished him.  Lamont whined.  “You too?” I sighed.

I picked up the phone and called my first choice for boarding the boys.  “Booked?” I replied in exasperation, “Surely you have room for two more guinea pigs.”

“No, ma’am,” the voice on the other side of the line replied.  All of our cage space is taken for the little ones,” she then added, “and for the big ones as a matter of fact,” to emphasize her point.

I hung up the phone with a bit of hope that my back up boarder would be available.  “Well,” the lady admonished me, “You are trying to book your vacation boarding with us a bit late, aren’t you?”

“I just found out about it less than an hour ago!” I tried to explain in desperation.

“You remembered to book your guinea pigs’ boarding less than an hour ago,” she incorrectly corrected me.

“What!?!” I exclaimed shocked, “No, no, no.  You don’t know my mother!”  I stopped and took a deep breath.  “So, do you have space for Fred and Lamont?”

I heard some quick typing.  “No,” the women on the other end replied.

“Okay,” I relented, “Thank you.”

“Next time try to book you boarding at least a month in advance,” the lady told me in order to get in one last jab.  She hung up before I could respond.

“Why you…” I complained to a dead phone line for the second time that day.

I called no less than five different boarders.  All of them were booked.  Most thought I was crazy for trying to book boarding so last minute.  They didn’t know my mother.

“Who ‘forgets’ to tell their daughter that they booked a vacation,” I asked the boys from my bed.  I was sprawled out across the bed, worn out from trying to find a boarder for the boys.  “I’m about to give up,” I declared.  Then the idea hit me, “You two need to go on vacation with me,” I told the boys.  Lamont whined.  “Yeah,” I sighed, “I don’t like the idea either.”

I called my mother on the phone.  “Mom, is the hotel pet friendly?” I asked her.

“Yeah, why?” she asked.

“Good,” I declared.  “I need to bring the boys with me.  I’ve tried every place and everyone I know within fifty miles of here.  NO one is available to help me with the boys.”

“Okay,” she sighed, “but you need to be sure to clean up and vacuum them.”

“When don’t I?” I asked as a rebuke, “I’m the responsible child.  Remember?”

“Uh-huh,” she stated and then, “good night.” And hug up the phone on me, again.

“Don’t hang up on m…..” I mumbled into the dead phone.  I threw my phone down on the bed.

I turned to the boys and asked them, “You feeling lucky, boys?” Lamont stuck his noise in the air.  Fred began to popcorn.  “So, are you two excited or did someone just fart?” I asked them.  (To be continued next week). – KA

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Posted by: kerryannekay | June 1, 2018

Just a quick blog

It’s that time of the year when I get very busy. Senior grades are due, award ceremonies must be attended, and of course, I have to attend most of them… Being a teacher is hard work! I have just returned home from an awards ceremony. The boys were fed before I left…but they yelled at me for a second dinner. They know that they will be awarded with a snack if they throw a fit. They got fresh hay cubes tonight. Now they are sitting happily and noisily snacking on them. It’s a sound I love to hear. And it’s one of the main reason why I have them in my bedroom. I love falling asleep to them chewing on something or chattering to each other. Some people like lullabies; I like guinea pig white noise.

We had a nice time in Atlantic City this past weekend. I will write about it when my work load slows. See you soon. – KA

Posted by: kerryannekay | May 18, 2018

Poop Parade

I noticed that there was not as much poop as usual in the boys’ cage.  For guinea pigs, this is a bad thing.  So, I gave both of the boys some probiotics.  This helps replenish the good bacteria in their guts.  The probiotics I use can be given to guinea pigs regardless if they need it or not.  It won’t ever hurt them.

The boys love the probiotics.  When they get a taste of it, they both will grab the tube nozzle and refuse to let it go.  It’s like candy to them.  I gave them some the other day when I noticed a drop in their poop production.  I then went down stairs to make and eat dinner.

When I returned two hours later, it looked like the boys had a poop party.  There were beans everywhere.  “What the heck?” I asked them as I looked over the cage.  “I just cleaned that!” I told them.  “I guess the probiotics are working…” I sighed.  “Okay, over to the kitchen!  I’ve got to change out the bedroom side of this cage…again…” I explained.

As I started to clean the boys moved over to the kitchen area of the cage.  “My goodness, boys,” I said, you both did a good job of clearing out your systems,” I complimented them.  “But did you have to do it all at once?” I laughed.

After I was done cleaning, the boys returned to their bedroom area.  Fred jumped over the wooden bridge and let several beans fly.  He turned and smelled his deposit.  Clearly satisfied with the situation, he trotted off.  “Uh-huh,” I acknowledge, “I see your proud of your work…” Lamont began to popcorn around.  Several beans came out of his backside as he jumped.  “Monty!” I laughed, “Your, er, leaking!”

I treated the boys for four days just to be on the safe side.  After the initial poop storm, their poop levels returned to normal.  Thank goodness.  – KA

Posted by: kerryannekay | May 11, 2018

The Sun is Up!

Yes, yes, I know that I have written a blog like this before.  Trust me, this is different.  The boys have taken waking me up to a whole other level.

It’s no secret that I hate mornings.  The boys both know this. So, they have taken to torturing me…in the morning.  It has happened ever since I became their mother.  It’s this time of year.  They don’t understand that the sunrise does not mean it’s time to wake up.  No.

I have room darkening curtains in my room.  I have also put towels over the curtain rods to help keep out the light.  Even the smallest amount of light will trigger those two buggers.

Every morning between 4:30 am and 5:30 am, Fred and Lamont have decided that they need to up and I need to be up with them.  Why?  According to guinea pig logic, the sun is up and so they should be up.  Queue my big sigh.   

What’s the worst part of this whole situation?  It’s the fact that I can’t go back to bed once I’m awake that early.  My body is like, “You’re the dumb one to be up this early… We’re not going back to bed!  So, you can just lay there and stare at the ceiling…”. The boys sit in their cage and whine and moan at me until I get up and feed them.  Trust me, I know I shouldn’t give in.  But I have to… the commotion is excruciating.   Those two can wheek lough enough to make it through two pillows over my head!

So, I will get up and feed them.  Then try to go back to bed.  I toss and turn and stare at the ceiling.  and just as I’m drifting off, my alarm goes off.  Torture.  – KA

Posted by: kerryannekay | May 3, 2018

The Mysterious Chirping Incident

Why do guinea pigs chirp?  Depending on who you talk to, the answers vary greatly.  Some say it’s a sign of distress; other stay it’s just a way to pass the time.  Regardless of the reason, it’s considered a rare thing to hear.  Most guinea pig owners never hear one of their their pigs chirp…

The other night at about 4:30 am, I was awoken by a soft chirping.  At first, I thought it was the birds.  As the sound got louder and louder I realized that one of the boys was chirping.  “Fred… ahh… Lamont?” I called pulling the blanket over my head.  The noise didn’t stop.  “Aughh,” I sighed.

Moments later the other boy joined in on the chirping.  “Oh, no…” I sighed and tried to roll over.  It was no use.  “Boys?!?” I called again, “Please stop!” It was no use.  I had to get up.  “Okay, okay, okay,” I moaned as I rolled out of bed and turned on the light.  The chirping didn’t stop when the light went on.

I walked over to the boys’ cage.  “Boys?” I said kneeling down.  They didn’t stop chirping.  “Boys?” I asked pulling back the cover.  Both boys were chirping and in a trance.  “Fred?” I whispered and put my hand on his head.  “Lamont, calm down,” I said putting my other hand on his head.  I started to gently scratch each boys’ head.  The chirping stopped slowly as the boys were pulled out of their trance.

Lamont realized I was petting his head and took off for his snuggle sack.  Fred looked up at me in true bewilderment.  “You went into a chirping trance,” I informed him.  “Don’t worry, I’m here,” I reassured him.  He blinked twice, turned, and went into his snuggle sack.  “You two want a treat?” I asked the moving sacks.  I heard Lamont let out a small squeak.  “That’s a yes,” I confirmed and grabbed some treats.

After spending five minutes feeding the boys treats, I went back to bed.  They were quiet for the rest of the night.  But what exactly set their chirping off?  I will never know.  But if they need me again in the night, I’ll be there.  – KA

Posted by: kerryannekay | April 12, 2018

A New Treat – Part 2

It took me several minutes to pick up all of the scattered food both in and out of the of the cage and change the newspaper in the boys’ kitchen area.  I was left with a clean kitchen and an empty bowl staring back at me.  I heard Lamont whimper from his snuggle sack.  “Yeah,” I sighed as I got up, “I’ll make you dinner again…”

I went down stairs and made the boys’ a second bowl of food.  I heard them dancing around their cage on the floor above.  Hearing them upstairs always makes me giggle.  I went back upstairs with their new bowl.  The boys bolted back into their snuggle sacks when I opened the door.  “Silly, boys” I told them.

“Here you go,” I announced and ceremoniously set down their bowl of food.  As was customary, I backed away from their cage.  I’m not allowed near their cage when they took their first bites.  So, I went and sat on my bed.  The moment Fred and Lamont heard me leave, they ran out from their sacks, over the bridge, and dove face first into their food.

I looked up over my phone and asked, “Oh, now you want the food?  What was wrong with the previous bowl?”  I didn’t even get a side eye from Fred in response to my question.  (And he’s got a double black belt in side eye technique.)  Lamont was silent with one front paw in the bowl.  “Uh-huh,” I sighed.

Two brief ‘candy’ games later I looked up and saw a nearly empty bowl. “WOW,” I said getting up.  “That was quick,” I added as I approached the cage.  “Boys?” I asked and added, “Boys, where are you?”  I looked down and saw Lamont’s feet sticking out of the front of the snuggle sack.  There were several beans between his feet.  I looked and saw he was lying on his belly, with his feet sprawled behind him, out cold.  I quietly picked up the corner of the blanket over the boys’ snuggle sacks.  Fred was laying on his side with his eyes closed.  He looked like a fat bean.  The cold made him stretch his back legs and a bean came out from between them.  “Sorry,” I whispered to the sleeping mass.

The boys had full bellies and were enjoying a post dinner snooze.  I went back to my bed to watch another video.  As my mind wandered, I remembered how Fred and Lamont had reacted to the smell of fresh cut grass.  Grass was their ‘cat nip’.  “That makes sense now,” I said to myself.  “They tore apart that dish trying to get to every single piece of wheat grass,” I added.  ‘No more wheat grass in mixed in their food; it’s a separate serving from now on,’ I thought to myself.  Lesson learned.  – KA

Posted by: kerryannekay | April 5, 2018

A New Treat – Part 1

The other week, I bought the boys some wheat grass from a health food store.  It organic, pre-grown, high fiber, and prepackaged stuff… You know, the good stuff.  So, I brought it home and put it in the fridge to give to the boys.  For dinner, I sprinkled some of the grass on their food.  I wanted to see if they noticed.

When I put the dish in front of Fred and Lamont, they sniffed at it and went after the parsley.  I figured that they didn’t care about the wheat grass.  No big deal.  I left and went down stairs to make my dinner.  About an hour later, I went upstairs to change.  What I saw in the boys’ cage was a shock to me…

The boys had thrown their uneaten vegetables and spring mix all over the kitchen area of the cage.  The bowl was completely empty but it looked like nothing was touched.  “What the heck is going on here?” I asked the cage.  Lamont stuck his head out of the hut in the kitchen area.  His eyes were bugged out.  He looked crazy.  “Lamont?” I asked him.  Lamont shot out of the hut and ran in a circle.  “Dude?” I asked him, “What’s up?”

There is a little bridge between the bedroom and kitchen area of the cage.  Fred managed to hurdle it one giant leap.  He flew into the kitchen area and managed to make a quick left turn.  He took off, flew over Lamont, landed, and crashed into the fence around the kitchen area.   He was bug eyed and a bit winded from his maneuvers.  “DUDE!” I said loudly, “What the heck is up with your two?”  Both boys bolted.  Fred and Lamont flew back over the bridge and straight into their cozies.  What was wrong with these two?

– KA

Posted by: kerryannekay | March 29, 2018

Ice Cream Dreams…

On Monday it was 65F (18C) and sunny.  Today it’s 32F (0C) and snowing.  I have at least 10 inches (25 cm) of snow at my house and it’s coming down at about an inch (2.5 cm) an hour.  I’m stuck in the house with two whiny boys.  They expect me to feed them whenever they feel the need to eat.  But enough about the bad weather… This blog is about what happened last Monday during the good weather.

One of the multiple advantages of living in my neighborhood is that the ice cream truck pays regular afternoon visits to it during the warm months.  Last Monday was the first day that the truck came to my neighborhood.  The boys heard it before I did.  I was sitting on the floor watching both of the eat when I saw them both perk up and stop chewing.  “What?” I asked them.  “Do you hear something?”

Fred let out a low sexy rumble.  “Oh,” I mocked him, “I’m totally impressed.”  Lamont backed up from the food bowl and rumbled strutted away.  “Oh, are you looking for a date too?” I laughed as I got up.  Fred rumbled even louder.  “Oh, Fre…” I stopped mid tease.  “Oh,” I let out, “It’s the ice cream truck… Where is my purse?”  I looked around the room for my purse as the song of the truck got louder.  The boys were walking around singing back to the song of the truck as if it was a long-lost lover.

“Dudes, I’m trying to find my wallet!” I admonished them, “That singing is really distracting.”  Lamont whined at me.  “Okay, okay, I’m sorry,” I stopped mid tracks and added, “Oh! It’s still downstairs!”  I took off and ran down the stairs.  I heard both boys complaining loudly upstairs.  I found my purse hanging on the coat rack.  “They don’t have grass flavored ice cream!” I yelled upstairs.  I grabbed five dollars and met the truck as it pulled up in front of my house.  Less than five minutes later, I had my strawberry sundae and an extra pinwheel for Tuesday.  It was going to snow on Tuesday so, I had to be prepared.

As I walked back into the house, I heard the boys dancing and singing to the tunes of the ice cream truck.  I looked down at my ice cream and felt guilty. “Uhhhh,” I sighed, “Okay!” I called upstairs, “I’ll get you a treat!”

I went into the kitchen and grabbed two slices of apples and headed upstairs to sit and eat with the boys.  As I walked into the bedroom, they were both pacing and dancing along the front of their cage.  “Dude,” I said as I sat down, “Calm down… I didn’t forget you…”  I handed each of them a slice of apple.  Their eyes bulged the moment that they took their first bite.  “See?” I asked, “Wasn’t that worth the wait?” The boys chewed in response.

I was sitting on the floor, eating desert, and taking with two guinea pigs… a true sense of calm came over me.  “Boys,” I said, “life is good.” – KA

Posted by: kerryannekay | March 15, 2018

Brothers

As far as I know, Fred and Lamont are not genetically related.  Nonetheless they are brothers in every aspect.

The boys like to harass each other.  Lamont usually starts up with Fred because he’s cold and wants Fred’s warm spot.  Lamont will whine and whine in Fred’s ear until he moves.  Once gone, Lamont takes over Fred’s spot and settles in.  Fred won’t stand for this so he walks on top of the cover or snuggle sack and on top of Lamont.  Lamont’s response is to move around and whine back at Fred.

When Fred is really mad, he will pee on Lamont.  That’s when the real arguments start.  Both Fred and Lamont will start to chatter their teeth at each other in anger.  I have walked into the room during one of these arguments.  I separated them thinking it’s the best.  Nope.  After about two minutes, they both began to whine for each other.  I couldn’t stand it after another minute and I took down the hastily assembled barricade.

The moment I pulled the barricade free the boys darted at each other.  They acted like they had spent days away from each other.  They were purring and cooing at each other like long lost lovers.  “Seriously?” I asked them, “You hated each other two seconds ago and now you love each other?  I give up…” I was flabbergasted at their sudden change of heart.

Fred likes to poop in front of Lamont.  Yeup.  Lamont will be following Fred when he just stops mid step and lets several beans fly.  Lamont is forced to walk around the bean pile.  He doesn’t like it.  Would you?  But I guess that’s what happens when you love your brother… – KA

Posted by: kerryannekay | March 2, 2018

The Washer Machine is Dead – Part 5

“I need a new washer machine,” I said to the lady at the fourth store I visited.

“I would be more than happy to help you,” Barb, the sales lady, said back to me.  “What type do you want?”

“A top loader,” I said plainly.  I then added, “That one…” as I pointed at the washer I wanted.

“Oh,” Barb exclaimed in surprise “That was a quick decision.”

“Yes,” I sighed, “I’ve been to three stores now.  You’re the fourth… I wasn’t impressed.” I casually explained.

“Oh?” Barb asked as she lead me over to her ‘desk’ in the middle of the department.

“Well, at the first store, the lady almost passed out,” I explained.

“Almost passed out?” Barb asked as she stopped typing on her computer.

“Yeah,” I said, “She had the flu or something and misunderstood what I told her.  She thought I had drowned my pets in the washer machine…”

“Ugh,” Barb remarked in sympathy.  “What kind of sick mind…” she started then stopped mid-sentence.

“The clerk at the second store told me that I should consult my husband before making such a large purchase,” I explained.

“Oh, my,” Barb remarked in clear disgust, “Like you can’t make those decisions for the house by yourself!  How did you react?”

“Well,” I sighed, “I told him that I didn’t need anyone else to tell me that clearly he didn’t deserve my commission…”

“True,” Barb sympathized with me.

“And the last store I was at was the same thing… Big macho guy telling me that I don’t know how to pick out a washer, giving me bad advice, asking about my husband, pointing me towards more machine than I need, you know, typical big box improvement store machismo,” I explained.

“Oh, I hate that,” Barb sympathized, “Like I can’t fix a sink just as well as they can!”

“I’m sure you can fix it better,” I assured her.

“I can.  And I do,” she added, “My caulk jobs are always neater than theirs.”

“I’d hire you on that alone,” I reassured her.

“Guys can never handle their caulk well,” she added.

“Well,” I muttered under my breath, “I know a couple that can…”

“We are still talking about repairs, right?” she asked.

“Perhaps,” I sly said.

Barb turned bright red and continued to type on her computer. “Uhh,” she said clearing her throat, “Will we be disposing of the old machine?”

“Yes.  It’s dead.  There may still be some water in it.  It died mid-wash,” I explained.  It may have some… left over wash stuff in it…”

“Left over?” she was clearly puzzled, “Like what?”

“Okay, I do a lot of pet laundry,” I started.

“Yes,” she said giving me a look.

“It’s all used towels,” I continued.  Barb nodded her head.  “That’s what killed the machine…the towels…”

“So, did you remove the towels?” Barb asked.

“Of course,” I said.

“Then what’s in there?” she hesitantly asked.

“Some of Fred and Lamont’s poop,” I said.  Her reaction to my statement was totally unexpected.

“Wait!” she let out, “You’re Fred and Lamont’s mom?!?! Oh my goodness!  Can I, oh my goodness!  I totally saw what those two did to your washer machine!  I mean, I totally saw that video on line!  Those bad boys!”

“Okay, yes, I’m Fred and Lamont’s mom,” I agreed.

“This machine will be able to handle them… er, their laundry.  Wow, those two can poop!” she excitedly told me.  She began typing on the computer.

“Uhmm?” I asked, “Is this a good machine I’m buying?  I mean, I think that’s what you said…”

“Oh, yea,” she exclaimed, “This is a great machine!  Can I have your address?”

“No,” I told her.

“How are supposed to know where to deliver it?” she asked me.

“OH, oh, ohhhh,” I let out, “Sure, sure…” I gave my address to her.

“Did you think I was going to stalk you?” Barb giggled.

“No, urhhh, perhaps,” I shyly admitted.

We talked about the boys for about a half an hour, I paid, and said my goodbyes.  As I was walking out she asked, “Oooo, oooo, does this mean I’m going to be famous?”

“Uhh,” I replied, “Define famous…” I asked with a giggle.

“In a blog?” she asked.

“Oh, yea,” I said turning away, “Those comments about caulk are priceless…”

My washer machine was delivered about two weeks ago.  I think I have managed to wash everything in the house three or four times.  It does an awesome job on the boys’ towels.  Don’t worry, I got the extended warranty; after all, we are talking about Fred and Lamont here… – KA

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