I sat down in the crowded waiting room next to a lady with a poodle. The poodle was sitting on a chair to her left…taking up precious seating in the crowded room. As we waited, Alfalfa began to squirm in my arms. I placed him on my lap and began to use the wet part of the towel to clean his face a bit. The lady next to me sniffed and said, “Is that chocolate I smell?”
“Yes,” I replied, “He got into the hot chocolate mix…” I continued to rub at parts of Alfalfa’s fur in a vain attempt to clean him.
“Well, that’s not very responsible of you…” the lady next to me stated plainly. She sniffed in disgust. I looked up at the women and was taken aback by her haughty attitude. She stared down at me through her reading glasses that sat at the end of her nose. She had a pink bow in her white hair that perfectly matched the bows on her poodle. It was at that point I lost all respect for her.
“Look,” I said to the poodle lady, “I didn’t let him get into it. It fell and he helped himself…”
“What is the mix doing stored by his cage?” she asked sniffing at me again.
“I didn’t let him,” I said patting the squirming guinea pig on his back, “he got into it when it fell…”
The dog growled a bit at Alfalfa. He immediately noticed the noise and turned. I felt Alfalfa go stiff. He started to chatter his teeth in a warning towards the poodle. “Alfalfa…” I admonished my and threw the towel over him to calm him down. Alfalfa started to stir under the towel.
“Please be good,” I begged Alfalfa.
“Well, perhaps you should be more responsible with your little dog…and you wouldn’t need the vet…” the poodle lady scolded me.
Alfalfa was getting more and more agitated under the towel. He started to hiss at me. I knew how he felt; my frustration was growing too. I removed the towel and put Alfalfa on my left shoulder as if he was a baby I was trying to burp. I patted his back trying to calm him down. Poodle lady continued, “I keep my baby,” she said using her nose to point at the pure white poodle next to her, “sparking clean… Your dog is a mess…”
I sighed and stood up. I walked over to the reception desk, “Excuse me,” I said to the technician, “How much longer?”
“Well, you don’t have an appointment, and we are very busy, so, it’s going to be a bit…” he said without looking up from his typing.
“Crap,” I said turning back to the waiting room. I paced with Alfalfa several times before returning to the only seat available… next to the poodle lady.
“Uhmmm,” she said when I sat down, “Could you sit somewhere else?” she asked.
“Whaaa?” I said turning in disbelief towards her.
“Your dog smells…like chocolate…and its upsetting Princess…” she said sniffing to prove her point.
I lost it. “Lady, it’s not a dog, it’s a guinea pig…” I huffed through clenched teeth, “I suggest you and that over-sized, in-breed, Q-tip thing move yourselves if the smell is bothering you…ok?”
“Well, I never!” poodle lady screeched at me, “How dare you insult my baby!” she yelled.
“Insult?” I yelled back, “I haven’t begun to insult your living Q-tip of a beast!”
“Beast?!” she said standing up. The Q-tip jumped down from the chair and began to growl at me.
“And if you don’t make that dumb thing shut up, I’m going to let my guinea pig kick that thing’s butt…” I threatened.
We both stood there for a minute huffing and starring each other down. I held Alfalfa tight to my chest. He was chattering his teeth. He started to hiss. I knew the whole waiting room was looking at me I didn’t care.
“Princess!” a technician called from by the receptionist desk breaking the standoff. The lady put her nose up in air and walked over to the calling technician.
I sat back down in my chair. I saw her whispering to the technician and pointing at me.
“Great…” I groaned. I thought, ‘My attitude has gotten me in trouble again.’ I slid down into my seat and put Alfalfa on my chest wrapped in the towel. I didn’t care anymore. Alfalfa was covered in hot chocolate powder, I was sticky with the stuff too, and I was going to get kicked out of the vet’s office for threating to have a guinea pig attack a lady… Yeup. It was that kind of day.
Several minutes later the same technician came out and approached the reception desk. After a quick consult with the technician he walked towards me. “Uhmmm, Alfalfa?” he asked
“Yes,” I moaned, “let me guess, I have to leave…”
“Why?” he asked, “you don’t want Alfalfa to be seen by the doctor?”
“Oh, yes,” I said standing up, “so, that lady…” I said following him.
“You mean the lady that you threatened?” he said.
“Yes, about that…” I sighed.
“Well, that wasn’t the best move…” he said.
“I know…” I groaned.
“We need to put you in the ‘Dangerous Pets’ room for that…” he said over his shoulder.
“Wonderful,” I said following him down the hall… “Wonderful, my guinea pig is considered dangerous…again…” in moaned.
“Huh?” the technician said to me.
“Nothing,” I said following him into the exam room with Alfalfa in my arms.