Oh, Fred

So this wasn’t the blog I had planned… As I was picking up Fred tonight, I felt a large lump on his back right butt next to his waxy spot.

“What the heck is that?” I asked him as I put him down. Fred bolted. “Uh-uh,” I told him, “Come here, I need to look at that!”

I scooped up Fred and put him on my chest for security. I felt a large bump. “Okay, is that a cyst, fat lump, or something else?” I asked his butt. The front side responded with an angry noise.

I took Fred into the bathroom to get a closer look. I pulled back his hair in the area and noticed a small scab. “Dude,” I sighed,”what is this thing?” As I felt gently around the scab, a white substance began to come out around it.

“Oh, that’s gross,” I told my poor guinea pig, “you’ve got an oily cyst.” Gentle pressure and warm water helped pull the rest of the stinky, oily, off white, tooth paste like substance out of him.

“Oh,” I complained as I gagged, “you are sure lucky I love you this much.” Fred sat there complaining to me. “I don’t like this either,” I explained as I used soap and water to clean the area.

“Okay,” I told him, “let me put some ointment on this and then you can go complain to Lamont about the abuse.” Fred continued to complain. I dried his but, applied ointment, and carried him back to his cage.

When I returned to the bedroom, I put Fred back into the cage. Lamont chattered his teeth at me in disapproval at Fred’s absence. “What?!?” I asked. “I was taking care of your brother,” I told him.

My hands smelled and I had to go wash them. Fred let out a huge wheek as I left the room. “Your welcome,” I called back, “you pain in the butt!” – KA