Posted by: kerryannekay | June 6, 2018

The Vacation – Part 1: “Surprises and Reservations”

Have you ever been on a ‘surprise’ vacation?  I was this past weekend.  You see my mother mentioned the idea of going away to one of her resort club locations.  She never bothered to mention that she had booked it until two weeks before the date.  Surprise!

“We’re going to Atlantic City on Memorial Day weekend,” my mother more ordered than told me over the phone.

“Why that weekend?  It’s going to be crowded.  We aren’t going to have a nice time…” I tried my best arguments to reason with her.

“Nope.  I’ve booked the hotel room and used our points.  I could only get a two-bedroom suit.  You will have to sleep on the couch,” she explained.

“I’m not sleeping on the couch,” I protested.  “It wasn’t my idea to go to AC on one of the busiest weekends of the year.  You’re the crazy women that booked this…”

“Fine, you can share a bed with Terri,” she relented.  (Terri is a family friend.)

“Fine,” I replied in a snarky tone.  “But if she grabs my butt in bed, I’m filing charges.”

My mother did not find my comments amusing.  She just let out a low ‘grrrrr’ back at me and said, “I need to go; love you.” With that, she unceremoniously hung up on me.

“Lovely,” I said to the dead phone.  I turned to the boys and asked them.  “Guess who’s going to need a baby sitter?”  Fred chatter his teeth at me in a threating tone.  “Don’t you start with me, young man!” I admonished him.  Lamont whined.  “You too?” I sighed.

I picked up the phone and called my first choice for boarding the boys.  “Booked?” I replied in exasperation, “Surely you have room for two more guinea pigs.”

“No, ma’am,” the voice on the other side of the line replied.  All of our cage space is taken for the little ones,” she then added, “and for the big ones as a matter of fact,” to emphasize her point.

I hung up the phone with a bit of hope that my back up boarder would be available.  “Well,” the lady admonished me, “You are trying to book your vacation boarding with us a bit late, aren’t you?”

“I just found out about it less than an hour ago!” I tried to explain in desperation.

“You remembered to book your guinea pigs’ boarding less than an hour ago,” she incorrectly corrected me.

“What!?!” I exclaimed shocked, “No, no, no.  You don’t know my mother!”  I stopped and took a deep breath.  “So, do you have space for Fred and Lamont?”

I heard some quick typing.  “No,” the women on the other end replied.

“Okay,” I relented, “Thank you.”

“Next time try to book you boarding at least a month in advance,” the lady told me in order to get in one last jab.  She hung up before I could respond.

“Why you…” I complained to a dead phone line for the second time that day.

I called no less than five different boarders.  All of them were booked.  Most thought I was crazy for trying to book boarding so last minute.  They didn’t know my mother.

“Who ‘forgets’ to tell their daughter that they booked a vacation,” I asked the boys from my bed.  I was sprawled out across the bed, worn out from trying to find a boarder for the boys.  “I’m about to give up,” I declared.  Then the idea hit me, “You two need to go on vacation with me,” I told the boys.  Lamont whined.  “Yeah,” I sighed, “I don’t like the idea either.”

I called my mother on the phone.  “Mom, is the hotel pet friendly?” I asked her.

“Yeah, why?” she asked.

“Good,” I declared.  “I need to bring the boys with me.  I’ve tried every place and everyone I know within fifty miles of here.  NO one is available to help me with the boys.”

“Okay,” she sighed, “but you need to be sure to clean up and vacuum them.”

“When don’t I?” I asked as a rebuke, “I’m the responsible child.  Remember?”

“Uh-huh,” she stated and then, “good night.” And hug up the phone on me, again.

“Don’t hang up on m…..” I mumbled into the dead phone.  I threw my phone down on the bed.

I turned to the boys and asked them, “You feeling lucky, boys?” Lamont stuck his noise in the air.  Fred began to popcorn.  “So, are you two excited or did someone just fart?” I asked them.  (To be continued next week). – KA


  1. Did you bring the boys to the casinos as good luck charms?

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