Posted by: kerryannekay | February 2, 2018

The Washing Machine is Dead. – Part 1

I took a half sick day on Wednesday as I was not feeling well.  I went home and decided to put the boys’ laundry before I laid down for a nap.  The laundry started and I laid down on the couch.  I quickly closed my eyes and started to drift off.  A mechanical screeching noise jolted me from repose.

“What the hell is that?” I gasped as I sat bolt upright.

“Scrreeeee, screeee, scree, screeeee, scree,” the washer machine yelled back at me.

“Oh, no,” I sighed suddenly realizing that the washing machine was attempting to commit hara kiri.

“Hold on!” I yelled throwing the cover off of me, “If you’re going to do it, don’t take the boys’ towels with you…” I jogged over to the machine and held down the pause/stop button.  It didn’t work.  Out of sheer panic or spite, the agitator picked up its pace the moment I hit the button.

“Srcee, Scree, Scree, Scree, Scree,” the machine protested to my ‘turn off’ request.

“NO!” I scolded the machine.  “Turn off!”  I demanded.

It refused.

The machine went into its death throws.  The whole thing started to rock back and forth.  “STOP!” I screeched jamming the button that was supposed to cut the power.  “STAAAAPHHH!” I demanded.  Again the washer machine refused to die.  I attempted to hit the stop button but missed and got nothing but air as the machine began to twist and writhe more violently.

“Damn you!” I hissed at the machine as I threw myself on top of it to stop its fit.  The machine began to buck like as if I was a cowgirl attempting to stay on for 8 seconds.  “AUHHHH!” I yelled grabbing the back of the machine with one hand and trying to punch the button with the other.

I was bucked several time violently and almost thrown.  I gave up and went to the throat of the beast…I mean the power cord.  I grabbed and missed the first time as I was bounced off the lid of the washing machine.  It opened and made a large metallic thud.  “You Son of a Monkey’s Uncle!” I cursed at the machine.  I reached out and grabbed air.

The machine bucked to the right and I went left.  I managed to reach forward for the cord and hit the GIF test button.  The plug made a loud click and the machine settle with a louder thud milliseconds later.

I was left gasping for breath sprawled on the top of the machine.  “See,” I let out, “See,” I tried again, “See? When I tell you to stop,” I exhaled while sliding down off of the machine, “You stop!”

That’s when I felt the cold wet, floor beneath my feet.  I looked down and saw the small flood forming under the machine.  “Seriously?  You had to pee on the floor too?” I asked the dead machine.

I moved the extra equipment out of the closet and unplugged the machine.  “Stupid machine,” I sighed as I reset the GFI.  I quickly cleaned up the mess on the floor and transferred the wet towels to the sink to drain using a large bucket.

My next task was to get on the phone with the home warranty company.  After five minutes of loud protest, the poor women on the other side of the phone began to type furiously.  “Hey, how about that…” she sighed.

“What?” I asked.

“There’s one of our technicians about 15 minutes away and you’re on the way to his next job.  He can spare a quick visit to diagnose your machine…  Does that work?” she asked me.

“Sure,” I replied in surprise then asked, “When?”

I heard typing and then she replied, “About 5:00 pm.  Is that good?”

“Yes!” I happily replied.

I took a short nap and left for the doctor’s.  I returned to my house at about 3:30 pm and napped on the couch.  At 5:05 pm sharp, my doorbell rang.  It was the technician…  But that’s part two of the story…


  1. Didn’t your boys’ laundry kill a washing machine at your old home? This looks a little suspicious!

    • Yes. And at my parents’ house. They are on a streak. – KA

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