Posted by: kerryannekay | October 27, 2017

The Blob – Part 2

So, there I was stranded on my couch.  The toad gave me a menacing look before hopping into the living room.  “NO!” I yelled at it, “Get back, you, you thing!”  It didn’t listen to me and took another hop towards the couch.  “I will, I will,” I stammered struggling for words.  I looked around frantically to throw something at it.  I locked in on a set of cork coasters, scooped them up, and held them up in a threatening gesture.

“I will throw these coasters at you!” I threatened the toad.  It didn’t listen and continued to hop along.  “I am serious!” I waved the coasters above my head.  I stood there trying to calculate the force and speed that I had to throw the coasters at the toad to just miss it so that way it would scare it back in the direction that I wanted.  “Once these coasters leave my hand, they will be accelerating at -9.8 m/s2 towards you,” I mumbled at the toad.  “I know these things,” I told it and added, “I’m a physics teacher!” for good measure.

The toad was not impressed with my mental gymnastics.  It made a half burp half call *brrrrrrruuuuup*.  “What the hockey sticks was that?” I said truly flabbergasted.  “Are you threating me now?!?”  *bb-bb-bb* the toad responded.  “That was a bloody threat!” I yelled.  I stood there holding my chosen weapon staring at the toad as he stared back at me.  “Don’t you look at me like that!” I told the toad.

*bruuuuuup* the toad yelled back at me.  “That’s it!” I warned and let one of the coasters fly.  It hit the rug behind the toad and successfully scared it into jumping…towards me.  “Nooooo…” I yelled and flung another coaster.  It totally missed, hit the rug, and ricochet off the wall.  It DID scare the toad into moving closer to the couch.  The darn thing took two large jumps and was right next to the back of the couch.

It looked up at me and glared menacingly.

I was determined not to break…to not cower… I lasted several seconds before ducking down and using the couch back as cover.  The toad knew he had me… *Bruuuuup* he mocked me.  “Go-o-o-o away!” I begged the toad.  “No offense,” I told the back rest of the couch, “your hideous and tracking mud on my nice rug…”  *Brup* the toad called back as if to say “NO”.

I sat there for several more minutes cowering on my couch.  That’s when I heard the toad hit something under the couch.  “Oh, no!” I said in terror.  “My couch isn’t nice enough to make it your home.”  *B-b-b-b* the couch monster called back.  “Crap!” I yelled and bolted for the front door.

I frantically unlocked the door, threw it open, and ran out of my own house.  Yes, I left everything behind over a toad in the couch.  I’m not proud of that decision but I did what I thought was necessary to…to…to…protect, yes, protect myself.  Unfortunately, my next door neighbor saw me blot from the house.

“What’s wrong?” he asked jogging over to me.

“There’s a…” I struggled to get out, “There’s a…”

“What?” he said with a tone and look of dismay.  When I didn’t immediately didn’t answer, he began to guess, “Squirrel? Bat? Rat? Raccoon?”

“There’s a toad in my house!” I blurted.

“A toad?” he said, clearly disappointed in my answer.

“YES!” I yelled and pointed at the house, “There’s a toad in my couch!” Then I desperately added, “GET IT OUT!  GET IT OUT!”

“Wait,” the neighbor giggled, “There’s a toad in your couch?”

“YES!” I breathlessly acknowledged, “It threatened me!”

“Threatened you?” he asked, “How?  What did it say?”

“Brup!” I mimicked the sounds that toad had made.

“So, it ‘brup-ed’ at you and that was considered a threat?” he asked as a confirmation.

“YES!” I responded.

“Call 911!” my neighbor joked.

I didn’t catch his tone or meaning.  “Why?” I said in terror, “Is it a poisonous one?”

“I doubt it,” he said starting towards the house.

“It’s under the big couch!” I called to his back.  “Be careful…” I whispered to his back.

Several LONG minutes later he returned with a GIGANTIC toad cupped in his hands.  “Blerg,” I commented as he offered it to me.  “No thanks…”

My neighbor put the toad down and it began to hop off towards the woods.  “It came out of that big pot in your kitchen… It made one heck of a mess…” he commented.  As he began to walk away he said, “Hope you have a rug cleaner…”

“I do!” I gratefully acknowledged.  “Thank you.”  When I walked back into the house I saw what a large mud trail the toad had made. “Yuck.” I sighed.  As I closed the door the boys realized that I was ‘home’ and started to call for food.  “Oh, boys, really?” I asked the empty hallway.  “You don’t know how close to death I just came…” – KA

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Responses

  1. Why didn’t the boys run to protect you from the killer toad?


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