Are you alarmed?

Someone in the household has discovered his voice…

When I got home the other day, the Maintenance Guy (MG) waved at me and then waved for me to come over to where he was.  “Hey,” I said walking up to him.

“Hey,” MG greeted me back.  “Did you get an alarm?” he asked.

“An alarm?” I asked.  Then added, “Why?” very apprehensively.

“You have an alarm going off in your apartment.  I heard it when I walked by…”  MG informed me.

“Oh, an alarm clock?” I asked not quite understanding his statement.

“No,” he said shaking his head, “An alarm… Like an ow-o-ow-o-ow-o-ow-o-ow-o-ow-o-ow-o alarm…”

“Like ow-ooo-ow-ooo?” I asked back doing the best to mimic his impression of my alarm.

“Yes,” MG said, “It’s loud.”

“I don’t have an alarm…” I said turning and looking towards my apartment.  Then added, “It doesn’t look like the place is on fire…”

“Why would you even think that?” he giggled.

“I’ve got two crazy guinea pigs at home alone…you never know…” I said in a knowing tone.

“True,” MG said not even missing a beat.
“Are you sure it wasn’t music?  Those two can throw a good party…” I said very seriously.

“No… Why don’t I get invites to those parties?” he asked.

“Very exclusive,” I sighed, “Guinea pigs only…”

“Ahhhhh…” MG sigh.  “I’m off.  Let me know what or where that noise is coming from…”

“Okay,” I smiled, “Thanks.”

As I approached the front of my apartment building, I looked and listed for the ‘alarm’.  There was nothing unusual.  Everything was quiet.  I went into the building and quietly approached my door.  There was a loud and distinct, “ow-ooo-ow-ooo-ow-ooo-ow-ooo” coming from my apartment.  ‘What the heck is that?’ thought to myself.

I stood there listening and racking my brains at what could produce that noise.  Then a second noise started.  “Burr-burr-burr-burr-burr-burr…” It hit me… “Fred and Lamont!” I said to the door.  I leaned in and put my ear on the door.  ‘Yeup!’ I thought, ‘It’s the boys…  And Lamont is such a loud mouth!’

“Are you guinea pigs ok?” my next door neighbor asked me.

“Huh?” I said pulling my head away from the door.  Then added, “Fine!  Listen to them sing!”

Humoring me, she put her ear to the door.  After several seconds she backed up and declared, “That’s coming from those two guinea pigs of yours?”

“Yeah!” I said proudly. “And my quiet Lamont is the loudest of them both!”

“Uhhh, good for him?” she asked.

“Oh, that good.  He’s finally found a voice!” I declared excitedly.  “It’s about time!”

“Okay,” my neighbor said and gave me the ‘you’re crazy but I’ll humor you’ look.  We said our goodbye.

I keyed into my house and my two ‘alarms’ stopped.  “Oh, boys,” I declared, “I was enjoying hearing the songs of your people!” I said as I walked into the house.

Silence.

“Boys?” I called.

Silence.

“Oh, come on you two!” I just hear the chorus going on in here.

Silence.

“Fine,” I declared as I closed the door and hung up my purse and school bag.  “Okay, I’ll make you dinner.”

Silence.

“Boys,” I called from the kitchen as I made the boys dinner.  “I promise I won’t tape you…”

Silence.

I feed the boys dinner and didn’t hear a peep out of them.  When they were done, I asked them, “Did you two lose your voices?”

Silence.

I went to bed that night at my usual time and quickly fell asleep.

___________________Fast forward to about 2 a.m.  _________________________

It happened in the middle of the night…at about two am… “Ow-ooo-ow-ooo-ow-ooo-ow-ooo” Lamont sung and Fred responded with, “Burr-burr-burr-burr-burr-burr…”  I was jolted out of my sleep.

“BOYS!” I yelled from bed, “I gave you the chance to sing this afternoon!  Go to sleep.”

Nope.

The “Ow-ooo-ow-ooo-ow-ooo-ow-ooo” and “Burr-burr-burr-burr-burr-burr…” continued.  I got up and turned on the light.

Silence.

“Go to bed!” I yelled at the boys’ cage.

Silence.

I turned off the light.

Lamont started, “Ow-ooo-ow-ooo-ow-ooo-ow-ooo”.

Fred quickly joined him, “Burr-burr-burr-burr-burr-burr…”

“AUGHHHHH!” I yelled rolling over and covering my head with my pillow.  My protest didn’t stop them from singing the songs of their people.  I have no idea how long the boys went on that night.  I quickly managed to block out the noise and fall back to sleep.

This singing has become a routine for them at about 2 to 3 am every morning now.  I’m hoping it’s just a phase and they will grow tired of the songs of their people.  I now wake up when I hear them, use the ladies room, and go back to bed.  They have become my “Old Lady Pee Alarm”.

I am glad that Lamont has discovered his voice.  But, I just wish he would do it a bit more quietly and during the day!

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