Posted by: kerryannekay | October 16, 2015

Dear Fred and Lamont

Dear Boys,

I am writing this in hopes of addressing the noises in the house.  I hope to set you both straight on what sounds mean food and all of the other non-food sounds.  Let’s start with the opening of the door.  When I come home in the afternoon, that sound does mean that you will be fed soon.  However, it does not mean that I will walk into the house with a food dish prepared to lie at your royal paws.  I need to put my stuff down, use the bathroom, and make your dinner.  And, if I walk in and out of the house several times, you will not be fed each time I enter.  You are only fed twice a day…not whenever the feeling hits you.

Next, let’s talk about chip bags.  That rustling you hear is me opening a bag to enjoy chips, not guinea pig food.  I just don’t understand what all of the wheeking is about…  You are not going to get this food.  In fact, I have offered you both a chip.  You both turned up your noises at it!  I am a human and require chips at least once a day.  I personally like to each chips more than once a day.  But, I digress…

Finally, let’s talk about the “great food dispenser” aka the refrigerator.  Again, I am human and need more calories than you both.  I go in and out of the refrigerator a lot.  Each time you hear the seal break is not your queue to freak out begging.  I am getting tired of using bribes to get you both to quiet down.  I think you eat more than I do somedays.

So, do I have your cooperation?  I love you both but will not allow this crazy behavior to continue…  Please…



  1. It seems that guinea pigs and parakeets have something in common. I live with 4 flappers, and they are all completely addicted to YouTube. Every time I get near the computer, they start belting out “the songs of their people” (see what I did there?), excited to catch up on the gossip with their pre-recorded friends. And if I don’t put on a parakeet video? They huddle together in the back of the cage, fluffy and pouty, until the guilt finally forces me to turn over the computer to them. Needless to say, it’s difficult to get much work done.

    • They sound like they have you very well trained. We like them! – F&L

  2. Why do guinea pigs always think that they are starving? Good luck convincing those boys!

    • We are always starving! – F&L

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