Posted by: kerryannekay | September 25, 2015

Sound the Alarm!

This past weekend, I had a problem with a backup in the bathroom.  I had to call a maintenance   answering service to get hold of our maintenance guy.  Unfortunately, the first two requests were never passed on to him.  What started as an annoyance turned into a wet and dirty mess!  It is in my nature to try to find the humor in all situations…even ones that involve toilet water.  This is the first in a two part blog regarding the overflowing toilet in my apartment.  To answer the question in your mind, yes, oh yes, the boys were involved in this situation…

One last thing, please feel free to insert your favorite curse words in where I have inserted the verb, noun, pronoun, adverb, or adjective of “bean”.  This is a family blog after all…

CM:  “Hello, this is Central Maintenance   .  How may I help you?”

Me:  “Yes, this is my third call today.  My toilet is now overflowing…  I need maintenance to get their beaning beans here as soon as possible.”

CM:  “Ok, I can help you with that… Please describe the nature of your maintenance problem…”

Me:  “I just told you that my toilet is over flowing…”

CM:  “Have you tried to plunge it?”

Me:  “It’s the main line in the building.  I can’t plunge it!”

CM:  “Ok, let me pull up the form on the computer…”

Me:  “This is the third beaning time I’ve called today…  There are two other forms on this bean problem filled out…  Look it up!”

CM:  “I need to fill out a new form each time you call…”  *typing*  “Now, I have your apartment number…  Is the overflowing toilet the only problem?”

Me:  “Well, there is bean water on the floor…  And there is more bean water coming out of the toilet… It’s an active bean flow situation…”

CM:  “I see.”

Me:  “Tell maintenance I need them here now and to bring a beaning vacuum for the toilet water that is all over the place!”

CM:  “I’ve noted that.   But, Miss, there is no need for the continued cursing…”

Me:  “Beaning fine…”

CM:  “Ok, do you have any pets?”

Me:  “No.  Just two guinea pigs…”

CM:  “Uhhhhh… What?”

Me:  “NO!”

CM:   “Ok, do you have any alarms?”

At this point in time, the boys started to sense that I was upset.  They let me know that they were there for me.  They both set off their “alarms”.

Boys:  “Wheek-whooo-wheek-whooo-wheek-whooo…”

CM:  “Why do I hear an alarm going off?”

Me:  “That’s not an alarm.”  “Shhhhhhh boys!”

CM:  “Please turn down the television.”

Boys:  “Wheek-whooo-wheek-whooo-wheek-whooo…”

Me:  “It’s not a television!  It’s my guinea pigs.”

CM:  “I thought you said you don’t have any pets!”

Me:  “They don’t count…”

Boys:  “Wheek-whooo-wheek-whooo-wheek-whooo…”

CM:  “I can barely hear you over the alarm…”

Me:  “I HAVE TWO GUINEA PIGS AND NO ALARM!”

Boys:  “Wheek-whooo-wheek-whooo-wheek-whooo…”

CM:  “Ok, two guinea pigs.  What’s the alarm code?”

Me:  “What?”  “Shhhhhhhh, boys!”

Boys:  “Wheek-whooo-wheek-whooo-wheek-whooo…”

CM:  “WHAT IS THE ALARM CODE?”

Me:  “I HAVE NO BEANING CODE!”

Boys:  “Wheek-whooo-wheek-whooo-wheek-whooo…”

CM:  “Is it a finger print system?”

Me:  “HOLD ON!”

Boys:  “Wheek-whooo-wheek-whooo-wheek-whooo…”

I put the phone down and turned to the boys.  They were still sounding off in odd harmony.  It sounded like they were trying to mimic an alarm system.

Me:  “Shhhhhhh!”

Boys:  *silence*

Fred:  “Wheee…”

Me:  “Fred, you stop that!”

Lamont:  “Squee.”

Me:  “Mont, you too!  Both of you need to be quiet.  I’m on an important beaning call!”

The boys both looked up at me with indignation.  I knew that they were mad.  I didn’t care.  There was an overflowing toilet that needed to be fixed…

Me:  “OK, I’m back.”

CM:  “Thank you for turning off the alarm…  What is the code?”

Me:  “There is no alarm.  That was my two guinea pigs.”

CM:  “Oh, so… Uhmmm, no alarm?”

Me:  “NO.”

CM: “Oh, ok…  So, two guinea pigs?”

Me:  “Yes, two guinea pigs.”

CM:  “Are they in a cage?”

Me:  “Yes.  But tell the maintenance guy not to pet them…  They may bite off his fingers…”

CM:  “Are they going to remain in the cage?  We do not allow our maintenance personal to enter apartments with dangerous animals.”

Me:  “Oh, this two are each three pounds of pure fury…  Let the maintenance guy know that.”

CM:  “Ok, I’ll put a ‘dangerous animal’ tag on your maintenance request.  That means they will have to call you before they enter.  Is that ok?”

Me:  “WONDERFUL!  I’ve been trying to get them to call me all day now…”

CM:  “Do you want your request number?”

Me:  “No, thank you…”

At that point I hung up with the maintenance answering service and went into the bathroom to fight the rising waters.  Five minutes later the maintenance guy called me…

Me:  “Hello?”

MG:  “This is maintenance calling… Is this Kerry Anne?”

Me:  “Hey, it’s about time that you called…  There is beaning water all over my bathroom floor.  The toilet is not flushing and I think the beaning main line is backing up…”

MG:  “Ok, I’m on my way…”

Me:  “Thank you.”

MG:  “Did you know that your service called was tagged with a “dangerous animal” waring?”

Me:  “Yeup!”

MG:  “Is that for Fred and Lamont?”

Me:  “Yeup!”

MG:  “Are they mad?”

Me:  “Yeup!  And they have threatened to bite off someone’s finger too!”

MG:  “Alright, I’ll bring carrots…”

Me:  “You’ll have them melting for you.”

MG:  “I’ll be there soon.”

Me:  “Bring a shop vacuum for all of the bean water on the floor…”

The maintenance guy was true to his word.  He was knocking at my door in less than ten minutes.  He brought the cavalry with him.  But most of all, he brought the boys some fresh carrots.  But, that’s next week…

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Responses

  1. Last time MG came in here to fix something it was the garbage disposal and Barley supervised the entire time from his sentry tower in his cage behind his water bottle. MG had never been quiet so thoroughly monitored before by a 2 1/2 lb supervisor.

    • Yes. These two do the same. – KA

  2. I did not know that guinea pigs could be considered guards of the house! Good for them!

    • Have you read some of the old stuff? Alfalfa chased people out of the apartment… – KA


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