Ode to the Bath
By: Fred and Lamont
Several times a year,
Mom calls “Its bath time, my dear!”
She will go about her preparations,
Even getting parsley bribes for reparations.
“A BATH!” we don’t need,
But, she tells us not to plead.
And then adds, “I can smell your butt!”
But, we know what is what!
We work hard for this funk,
And sows love the smell of our trunk!
Mom hears our wheeks of a stay,
But no wheeks will keep this bath away.
When we hear the water,
We know it’s time to find new quarter.
Mom will drag us to the bathroom,
We know she’s taking us to our doom.
When we are in the bath,
It is no laugh.
We’ve got to endure,
As our mom scrubs us more and more.
There is the rinse and the dry…
She rubs us as we protest and cry.
She puts us back in our home,
And leaves us all alone.
We know it’s not time to mope.
We’ve got to undo the smell of that soap!
So, we do what we do,
And produce lots of poo.
We roll and rub,
We give ourselves a smelly scrub.
So, the moral of this tale?
Mom’s attempt to keep us clean will always fail!
On a serious note… Recently, a video went viral of two guinea pigs swimming in a pool. Guinea pigs are not natural swimmers. Guinea pigs only swim to survive. I can’t imagine the terror of those two fur babies in that water. Please, please, do not put your guinea pigs in water for anything other than a bath. Anything over 2 inches of water for a bath is too deep. Guinea pigs only need a bath two or three times a year at most. They generally keep themselves clean. If your baby is starting to smell, try to bath their private parts and wax spot. Generally, this is all they need. Less water for guinea pigs is better. Here is a good link on the proper bathing of guinea pigs: http://www.guinealynx.info/grooming.html Thanks. – KA