Posted by: kerryannekay | June 25, 2015

How to Quiet a Guinea Pig in 10 Simple Step

For today’s blog, I have decided to pass on some valuable information that I have learned over the past several months on how I keep Fred and Lamont quiet.  That’s right, I’ve got multiple methods and steps that are guaranteed to keep ANY guinea pig quiet. In addition, to these steps, I will provide the actual conversation between my boys and me!  Enjoy…

 

Step 1 – Simply ignore your guinea pigs.

Me:  “I’m ignoring you two on purpose.   Your noise doesn’t bother me…”

Boys:  *squeak*.

Me:  *I need to go to step 2…*

 

Step 2 – Simply ask your noisy guinea pigs to be quiet.

Me:  “Boys, please quiet down, you’re too noisy…”

Boys:  *squeak, squeak, squeak*.

Me:  *I need to go to step 3…*

 

Step 3 – Walk over to your noisy guinea pigs cage and remind them you are in charge.

Me:  “Boys, I’m the mom.  Please be quiet.”

Boys:  *squeak, squeak, squeak*.

Me:  *I need to go to step 4…*

 

Step 4 – Offer your noisy guinea pigs a treat in return for their silence.

Me:  “If you’re quiet, I’ll give you a treat…”

Boys:  *squeak, squeak, squeak*.

Me:  *hands several treats over to boys*

Boys: *munching down on treats*

Me:  *walks away*

Boys:  *squeak, squeak, squeak*.

Me:  *I need to go to step 5…*

 

Step 5:  Try reasoning with your guinea pigs.

Boys:  *squeak, squeak, squeak*.

Me:  “Listen, I need to sleep.  I need to be ready for work in the morning.  Please stop making noise.”

Boys:  *squeak, squeak, squeak*.

Me:  “Please, boys, for the love of all that’s good… Please be quiet…”

Boys:  *squeak, squeak, squeak*.

Me:  *I need to go to step 6…*

 

Step 6:  Show your guinea pigs how frustrated with them.

Boys:  *squeak, squeak, squeak*.

Me:  *starts to pull on hair*  “Look, look! You are making me pull my hair out…  Please stop…”

Boys:  *quick pause before squealing start*

Me:  “What?  Why are you louder?  Did I scare you?  What?”

Me:  *I need to go to step 7…*

 

Step 7 – Dance and sing to distract your guinea pigs for how scared they are of you.

Me:  “Ok, ok, listen to this: ‘Oh, my guinea pigs, oh my guinea pigs’”

Boys:  *squealing gets louder*

Me:  “You don’t like my singing?  Should I dance for you?” *dances around near cage*

Boys:  *squealing doesn’t stop*

Me:  *I need to go to step 8…*

 

Step 8 – Offer your guinea pigs some fresh hay to quiet down.

Me:  “Here is some fresh hay…”

Boys:  *squeak, squeak, squeak*.

Me:  *refreshes hay*

Boys: *munching down on hay*

Me:  *walks away*

Boys:  * squeak, squeak, squeak *.

Me:  *I need to go to step 9…*

 

Step 9 – Offer your guinea pigs another meal to quiet down.

Me:  “Should I feed you again?  Are you hungry?  Will that quiet you?”

Boys:  *hears word food and start to popcorn*

Me:  “That’s it!”  *puts together an over the top food dish*

Boys:  *munches down on food*

Me: *walks away*

Boys:  *silent for several minutes*

Me:  “Oh, sweet silence…”

Boys:  *squeak, squeak, squeak*.

Me:  *I need to go to step 10…*

 

Step 10 – Beg your guinea pigs to be quiet.

Me:  “Boys, oh, my boys, please, oh, please, quiet down.  I’m so tired…”

Boys:  “squeak, squeak, squeak”

Me:  *starts to cry*  “I’m begging you… Oh, I’ll give you anything…”

Boys:  “squeak, squeak, squeak”

Me:  *I need to go to… the heck with these steps…*

 

Final Straw– Lie down on the floor and cry hysterically until you fall asleep next to the cage.

Me:  *lays down on floor and cries*

Boys:  “squeak, squeak, squeak”

Me:  *continues to cry hysterically out of frustration*

Boys:  “squeak, squeak, squeak”

Me:  *cries self to sleep*

 

Well, ok, perhaps you shouldn’t follow my advice on this topic.  Perhaps I could learn a thing or two from you.  But seriously, how do you get your noisy guinea pigs to go to be quiet when you are trying to sleep?  Do my boys just enjoy terrorizing me at bedtime?  I don’t know.  All I know is that it’s late and the boys are warming up for a full-volume duet tonight.  Save me…  – KA

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Responses

  1. I have really never had a problem with noisy pigs who kept me up at night, even when I had the four. Barley is the quietest one I have ever had there are times I wish he would find his wheek. One of my noisiest was little Scruff who would at times wheek until she got hoarse but she liked to sleep at night. The only time I ever remember being woke up at night was the night Christie started chirping.

    • These two do it when I’m trying to go to sleep. They know. – KA

  2. Fred and Lamont just love their mom soooo much they squeak to have her by their sides all the time!

    • Ha! That’s what you call love? – KA

  3. The only piggie I ever had who was vocal in any way was Jenny. She could make some beautiful sounds, but sometimes she got really loud. My others never found their voices. I wonder, if you put a cloth over their cage at night to simulate darkness, if they’d fall asleep?

  4. I thought I would try operant conditioning with my girls. When they would start serenading me with the song of their people, I would chase them around the cage for ear scratches and lovins, which they only mildly tolerated when I first adopted them. Unfortunately, it taught them to love cuddles, which made them squeak louder and more often. Oh the life a guinea pig slave!

  5. Guinea pig slaves go straight to Heaven!

  6. My girls are pretty quiet in general, most of the activity is in the morning because that’s when I come home from work and begin my routine. The most noise they make at night is when they drink water. I think what I do is stimulate them all morning and afternoon so when evening comes they are burnt out and just take naps and quietly nibble grass then sleep some more.

    • You are so lucky. These two are chatter boxes! – KA

  7. That was the biggest waste of time I’ve ever had to do. How is this the first thing that comes up in how to quiet a guinea pig

    • Lindsay, my blog is about humor and life with a Guinea pig. If your having issues with your GP, please ask me. I’ll be happy to give you some advice. Search Guinea Lynx. That’s a reputable site on Guinea pig advice. Please let me know if I can assist you. – KA

  8. I have 3 boys and they are pretty good at being quiet…unless they want food. Once they get their food and water they are quiet as a mouse. The only sound I hear at night is the water bottles which I’m fine with since it isn’t squealing.

    • Oh, these two could start a riot at night. But it’s a comfort to hear them. It means they are active and happy. – KA


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