Ok, I had managed to make one of the maintenance guys (MG4) paranoid and uncomfortable. And yes, that wasn’t nice. But, I can’t believe that the guy took me seriously!
So, I stood there in my kitchen listening to MG1, MG2, and MG3 arguing with each other in murmured tones in the bathroom. The voices went silent and the banging started.
“Bang, bang, bang…” the noise came from somewhere in the wall.
“MG1?” I called as I walked over the bathroom door. (Yes, I used his actual name.) There was no answer from behind the door. I knocked at the bathroom door. No response. The banging got louder, “BANG! BANG! BANG!”
“I’m coming in…” I said as I opened the door. MG1 was standing in my tub with his head against the wall, MG2 was on his hands and knees next to the toilet, and MG3 had half of his body under the sink cabinet. “Uhhhh,” I said feeling like I was walking into something personal and wrong.
“SHHhhhh,” MG1 scaled me.
“Ok,” I whispered, “What are you doing?”
“We’re listening for water movement!” MG1 dramatically whispered back to me.
“Any luck?” I asked.
“BANG! BANG! BANG!” the whole room went.
“OH,” I burst, “Is he banging on the pipes?”
“Yes,” MG 3’s muffled voice came from inside the cabinet.
“Does that help?” I asked.
“Shhhh,” MG1 said.
“You’re disturbing the guinea pigs!” I admonished all three of them. A tapping on the pipes came from behind the wall. “Fred and Lamont don’t like this… And neither do I!”
“Found it…” MG1 declared.
“Found what?” I asked.
“The frozen section,” MG1 replied.
“Now what?” I continued.
“We unfreeze it!” MG1 declared with a demonic grin on his face.
“H…o….w?” I uttered not wanting a truthful response. MG1 bent over and picked up a blow torch.
“With this…” MG1 declared holding the blow torch like a small child in his arms. MG1 didn’t give me a chance to respond. He walked past me and out of my bathroom. MG2 and MG3 got up and quickly followed him.
“Uhhhh,” I called following all three, “You are not going to use that thing on my pipes! You’re going to burn my apartment down!”
“It will be fine!” MG1 called as he walked up the stairs and out of the building.
“Crap,” I sighed walking back into my apartment. Fred and Lamont were clearly disturbed by the incident. Fred gave me ‘is it over look’ from the cozy he was hiding in. “No,” I said to Fred, “They aren’t gone.” Fred sighed at me. Lamont started to whine.
I may be paranoid but something in me said not to trust four maintenance guys, one frozen pipe, and one blowtorch. ‘Should I start to pack?’ I asked myself. Then I thought, ‘Well, the most important things here are the boys… and me.’ I decided to grab the boys and sit on my couch. I would ‘wait’ for an issue or an all-clear signal. The banging came again. Lamont shook in my arms and Fred chattered his teeth. “I know, I know,” I whispered to the boys, “It will all be over soon…”
So, we sat as the banging grew softer and softer. Eventually MG1, MG2, and MG3 came back.
“Cleared pipes?” I asked them as they walked by.
“Perhaps,” MG3 shrugged as he walked by.
At that point in time, I wasn’t sure if I should expect a fire, a flood, or some combination of both. “Ok, boys,” I said hugging them a bit more, “be prepared to run…” I heard the high-pitched scream of forced water come from the bathroom. The boys didn’t like the noise and voiced their opinion. Lamont whined. Fred peed all over me. “Lovely,” I said to him, “I knew I would have a reason to take a shower.
MG1, MG2, and MG3 emerged from the bathroom victorious. “Your pipes are fixed,” MG triumphantly declared. All three of them were standing tall. They had found, faced, and defeated the enemy… er, I mean, the frozen pipes.
“Should I swoon in appreciation?” I sarcastically asked.
“Huh?” MG2 asked.
“Never mind,” I said putting the boys down on the floor.
“What’s that?” MG3 said pointing to my wet sweatshirt.
“This?” I said looking down at my pee stained shirt, “This? Well, this is Fred’s comment on your maintenance skills… And I can’t repeat what Lamont said…”
Just as I finished his name, Lamont let out a huge whine. MG4 said from the door way, “I’ll meet you all outside,” turned, and quickly retreated up the stairs.
“Guess he thinks Lamont was going to attack him…” I giggled. “Now, if you don’t mind,” I said, “I need a shower…”
MG1, MG2, and MG3 left my apartment victors over the pipes. MG4 left with his tail tucked between his legs. I got a wonderful hot shower. Fred and Lamont got extra treats. And the boys didn’t get a bath… I was happy ending to a long, cold, and hot water less day…