The maintenance guy (MG1) showed up at about 5 pm the next day after the pipes froze. There was still no hot water and I was getting mad. I needed a shower! After evaluating the situation MG1 got on his phone and made several phone calls. As he emerged from the bathroom I asked, “Calling for backup?”
“Ya,” MG1 said nonchalantly. He added, “Your pipes are frozen…”
“Really?” I sighed then added sarcastically, “So, I should be getting your overtime for this situation?”
“Why?” MG1 asked quite perplexed.
“Well, I’m the one that figured that out…last…frigging…night…” I said with expiration. MG1 was saved from any more of my smart comments by the ringing of my door bell. MG2, MG3, and MG4 were standing at my door. They were a sight holding tools and other implements of destruction. I truly considered closing and locking my door on the three.
MG1 came to their rescue. “Oy,” he yelled, “I’m in the bathroom.” I stood aside and all three walked past me towards the bathroom. Fred must have sensed my apprehension. He started to chatter his teeth at the three.
MG4 stopped and turned towards Fred. He called, “Hey, little guy…” Fred didn’t like it. He started to chatter his teeth again. Lamont joined in and whined.
“He doesn’t like you,” I said casually.
“So,” MG4 said with disappointment in his voice, “I can’t pet him?”
“Ahhh,” I said with the most apprehension I could muster, “You ever see ‘Monty Python and the Holy Grail’?”
“Yea,” MG4 replied.
“You know the ‘monster’ that’s a ‘bunny’?” I asked.
“Yea,” MG4 said stepping away from the boys’ area.
“That’s what that brown one is like…” I explained.
“Oh,” MG4 said taking another step away from Fred and Lamont’s area.
“That’s his pre-attack warning call…” I said. “His brother, Lamont…”
“Uhmmmm…” MG4 murmured under his voice.
“Well, Lamont is his backup… He’s got a black belt in karate,” I said turning away from MG4. “That whine is his battle cry… His sense taught him that…”
I head MG4 swallow hard. “Uhhh,” he said tripping over his words, “I think I’d better get to work on your pipes… So, so, so we can get your water working and we can get out, out of here…”
“Ok,” I called cheerfully from the kitchen. I heard the bathroom door close and moments later open. MG4 quietly and quickly slipped out of the apartment. I giggled to myself. ‘Yeah,’ I thought, ‘I’m a horrible person…’ My self-revelry was interrupted with a clearing of a throat.
“Uhhhmmm,” MG1 said, “What did you tell him that spooked him?”
“Nothing…” I said with a sly smile.
“Nothing?” MG1 repeated questioningly.
“Well,” I admitted, “I told him that Fred could attack like the rabbit in ‘Monty Python and the Holy Grail’.”
“What?” MG1 asked.
I added, “And that Lamont has a black belt in karate…”
“Why?” MG1 asked.
“Why not?” I asked back. I added, “The fool believed me!”
“He went to ‘check on the pipes in the back’,” MG1 told me. MG2 and MG3 started banging on pipes. “I’d better get back to make sure they don’t flood this place…” he said in warning.
“HA!” I called out, “Then you’d have to clean it!” to his back.
I know that you are thinking that I’m a bad person. I’m not. I just like to have fun with people. Besides, who would believe that a guinea pig could tear out your throat? Or that Lamont actually has a black-belt in karate. The pipes do get unfrozen in this story. However, that’s next week.