Since the boys have come home their personalities have come out in true form. The best way to describe Fred and Lamont is that they are both goofballs. I’m sure you’ve noticed that in these blogs. Each of them has unique things that they do that always make me laugh.
I’m going to start calling Fred “Fearless Fred”. He is afraid of nothing. That lack of fear causes him to get into a bit of trouble. For example, he always acts horrible when I am cleaning the boys’ area. Fred likes to follow me around when I’m using the hand vacuum to clean up beans. The following is not the problem. The problem is that he likes to put down fresh beans in the wake of the clean areas.
After several weeks of this fresh bean lying by Fred, I finally noticed what was going on. So, I decided to change Fred’s little bean habit. I locked both boys in their cage area. I know, I know, the shame, the scandal, and yes, I was a mean mom for doing that. In my defense, I had to get their area clean! Well, my little intervention failed.
Fred decided that his temporary suspension of free-range status was unacceptable. He protested his disapproval of my solution, loudly. The protest started off with Fred chattering his teeth in order to threaten the cage door. When the door failed to open on command, Fred grabbed the bars with his teeth and started tugging on the bars. His second attempt to throw open the doors at will failed. Fred became visibly frustrated.
What does Fred do when he is frustrated? Well, in this case he decided to tear apart the cage. I sat there and watched the third part of his tirade start with angry pacing. Then Fred moved on to shredding paper. He ripped a random piece and moved on to another section. “Rip!” the paper went. “Dude,” I called to him, “That’s not going to get you out of jail sooner…” Realizing that I was serious about not letting him out, Fred kicked it into high gear.
Fred ran over to the first pellet bowl and flipped it. Hearing the flipping bowl, I called out, “HA!” from the other side of the boys’ area, “Not going to work…” Fred wasn’t deterred. He went over to the other pellet bowl and flipped it too. “Fred!” I called in warning, “cut it out…”
Nope. Fred then ran over to the cozy Lamont was attempting to sleep in. Fred climbed on top of the cozy as Lamont protested. Hearing Lamont’s cries, I got up and went over just in time to see Fred leave a large puddle of pee on the cozy. Lamont must have realized what was going on right away and abandoned the cozy. Of course Lamont was now fired up over the insult from Fred and began following him around on his destructive path.
“Wonderful,” I sighed as I walked up to the cage, “now I have two enraged guinea pigs… And all I wanted to do was clean up poop…” “Fred! Lamont!” I scalded both boys. They stopped in their tracks. “What?” I asked in exasperation, “What? Do? You? Both? Want? I’m just cleaning!” Both boys ran over to the door mistaking my statement as a grant of parole.
Seeing their excitement, I just gave up. I opened the cage door and both boys ran out and began to dance in place with excitement. They were free. Both boys ran around and popcorned as if they had been released from a long jail term. “Seriously?” I asked them as they ran, “You do realize the cage door was shut for less than five minutes?” They didn’t care. They were free.
Again, I gave up. I moved over to the cage to start cleaning it. I knelt down as started hand vacuuming the cage. I felt something bumping my left leg. I turned to see Fred hip checking my leg. He wanted back into the cage! “Dude,” I called as he bumped me again, “You are not getting in here now…” Fred wasn’t listening. He continued to hip check me.
“Fine,” I said, “here…” I moved over just enough to allow him to get into the cage. Fred started to explore the newly cleaned area. Through the vacuum noise I heard Lamont whining. I turned to see him dancing near my leg. He wanted back into the cage too! “Seriously,” I said as I moved to allow Lamont into the cage. “You guys are nuts…” I said getting up from the floor. “I give up… I totally give up…”
I could make several analogies regarding the boys’ behavior… But, I am sure that you can make all the puns that you want about them. All I can say is that I love them but they sure do their best to drive me crazy!