The temperatures across most of North America have been frigid. I found myself cranking up the heat in order to keep a chill out of my bones. When I got home from school today, I took the hottest shower I could stand. After the shower, I had to dress in layers. I have on: my night clothes, sweat-pants, a sweat-shirt, socks, and a blanket over my shoulders. In a further attempt to get warm I had made a huge cup of tea.
I am still cold. Nothing I have done has stopped the feeling of cold in my bones. Even a heating pad has brought me no solace from the chill. I have noticed that my feet are warm… Why? Looking down I see Fred sitting on them. He is such a good pig. He knows where there heat is… And now Lamont has just walked up to join him. Fred has the right foot so, Lamont has settled in next to my left foot. I am sitting here on the couch feeling the cold being sucked out of my body through my feet. It’s nice…
*2 hours later*
And that’s when I fell asleep with my computer on my lap and my two wonderful guinea pigs snuggled up to my feet. I woke up from my short winters’ nap with an odd sensation. My feet were chilly. I looked down to see both Fred and Lamont had abandoned me for their own cozy sacks. My socks had taken on a slight yellow color. I’ll admit it took me a couple of seconds to realize what had happened. Fred or Lamont or both Fred and Lamont had peed on my feet when I was asleep.
“Seriously?” I sighed picking up my right foot, “Oh, god, boys… That’s quite a puddle…” I reached down and took off both of my socks leaving them in the puddle to absorb the extra liquid. I got up and went to the bathroom to clean my feet in the bathtub before cleaning up the present the boys had left me.
When my feet were clean, I gather my implements of destruction and went to clean up the mess. That’s when I saw something that made me think Alfalfa was back. There was a small pile of FRESH beans on my socks. “Whaaaa…” was all I could get out. I looked and saw both boys happily snuggled in their sacks…right where I had left them.
“Who?” I asked pointing down at the fresh pile. “Who? Who did this?” I demanded. Lamont yawned at me and snuggled into his sack to show his clear distain for the situation. Fred sniffed and turned around showing off his ample butt.
“Listen you two,” I admonished Fred’s butt and Lamont’s sleepy head, “I know it was one of you… Who did this?” Silence. What did I expect? They were guinea pigs after all… I cleaned up the mess and dealt with my soiled socks. When I got back to the couch, both boys were sniffing the area I had just cleaned. “Don’t even think about it…” I warned.
Fred turned and laid a fresh bean on the spot. He swaggered away. “Ohhhhh,” I hissed. Lamont saw Fred’s protest. He huffed and tried to lay a fresh bean. He managed to get it half of the way out. But, poor Lamont walked away with a bean sticking out of his butt. I giggled at his attempt to be just like his brother. (Don’t worry it fell off as he jumped back into the hay bin.) I sat back down on the couch with fresh socks. As I sit here I am admiring my wonderful boys. They are a great source of heat. How did I stay warm on a cold day? I took two guinea pigs and snuggled up. But don’t you forget that there are risks to using live heating pads. That warm feeling that you get from them may not be what you think… Trust me.
Author’s Note: My heart goes out to all of victims of the terrorist attack in France. I believe in the power of free speech. Words can change the world… – KA
Je suis Charlie.