Posted by: kerryannekay | May 29, 2014

Fire Them All – Part 3

As I sat on the ground with Alfalfa between my legs, another firefighter approached me and offered me two wet-wipes.  “Thanks,” I said gratefully.  I cleaned my bite wounds and scratches with one and my face with the other.  As I was trying to fix my hair I heard a hiss from behind me.

“Sssssss, est El Dialbo? Jes?” the lady from across the hall asked.

"Love me..." - A

“Love me…” – A

Alfalfa knew that he was insulted.  He went as tall as he could on his puny legs and threw his noise to the sky.  “Srrrweeeeeeeeek!” he hissed back.

“Ooo,” the lady admonished, “dat is a bad, bad ting…” She clicked her tongue to reinforce her disapproval of my pet.

Of course Alfalfa wouldn’t stand for that.  He started to angry dance.  He threw his body violently and rammed my legs trying to get out of my circle of protection.  He had been wronged and wanted blood.  After about a minute of the angry dance, Alfalfa calmed down enough for me to scoop him up.  I placed him on my left shoulder.

Unfortunately, the lady from across the hall was in view of Alfalfa now.  He had a full view of the enemy.  Alfalfa squirmed and wheeked in my arms to inform me that he wasn’t happy with the lady and wanted at her.

“Cut it out, pig,” I scolded him, “I’m stressed enough as it is here, dude…”  My words did not sooth the beast.  So, I got up and started to walk while rocking him like a baby.  I walked from person to person making sure to avoid the lady from across the hall.

“Hey, Lady,” one of the kids from upstairs called.

“Yes,” I said walking over to him.

"This is a big bean!" - A

“This is a big bean!” – A

“Uhmm,” he said a bit shyly, “Can we give your pet some grass?”

“Sure,” I said with a smile, “Pick the good and juicy ones… but watch your fingers when you give it to him…”

“Ok!” the kid said.  I think he was just happy to have a distraction from the stress.  The kid began picking the larges blades of grass he could find and feeding them one by one to Alfalfa.  Alfalfa began to coo in my arms.  He was excited that someone was feeding him grass.

The boy stood there and watched Alfalfa eat each piece of grass.  Guinea pigs do this cool thing with blades of grass.  They slowly pull and chew the grass into their mouths.  As it is pulled in, it swishes back and forth.  The kid and Alfalfa were enjoying themselves.  The spoiled bratt quickly figured out that he could get more grass by letting out a large single wheek.  “Oh,” the boy lamented, “he’s so hungry…”  Then he turned to me, “Do you feed him right?”

“Seriously?” I snapped.  “Do I feed him right?  You see how fat he is…”  The kid looked a bit up set by my admonishment.  So I added, “Yes, he’s feed well…  He’s just spoiled. Ok?” and added my nicest smile to it.

A firefighter walked by and the kid grabbed him.  “Look,” he said bending over to pick up piece of grass and feed it to Alfalfa.  Of course the guinea pig did his adorable eat the grass and wiggle it in his mouth thing.  Both the firefighter and the boy giggled.

“Let me try,” the firefighter said picking up another long piece of grass.  He feed it to Alfalfa and got the same results.  “That’s cool,” he said. “Mike,” he called to another firefighter, “Check this out!”  The man named Mike walked over as the first firefighter feed Alfalfa.  And again, Alfalfa ate the grass with enthusiasm.

When Alfalfa was done, the boy said, “See, he’s hungry…”  All I could do was sigh at the situation.  Alfalfa now had his own feeding crew.  As I walked around the courtyard, the boy followed us and feed the spoiled bratt.  As the firefighters walked past us, each bent down and feed Alfalfa a blade of grass… more grass… My guinea pig was being treated like a star.

The feeding entourage performed their duties for about fifteen minutes.  Then the maintenance guy showed up to let the firefighters into a utility room.  Low and behold they found the source of the gasoline smell.  It was a snow blower in storage and wasn’t properly drained of gasoline.  The snow blower was removed and the apartment complex was deemed safe again.  So, we were allowed back into the house.

Alfalfa didn’t want to leave his entourage.  As I walked back into the house, he began to wheek in protest to the situation.  When I got into the house, I put him down on the floor.  Alfalfa immediately bolted out into the hall way.  He was greeted by the lady from across the hall.  “Est dat you El Diablo?” she asked.

Alfalfa let out huge wheek.  He turned let several beans go and ran back into the apartment.   “EL DIABLO!” the lady screamed from the hallway.  I wasn’t in the mood.

“Have a nice day,” I called from my door.

“DIS!” she yelled clearly refereeing to his beans in the hall.

“It happens,” I yelled back.

“Whhhhuuuu?” I heard hear question me.

“BEANS HAPPEN!” I yelled back and shut the door.  Alfalfa was staring at me when I turned around.  “What?” I said, “You started it…”


I took a nice long nap after I gave Alfalfa some treats.  We deserved it.  It was a long, hard day.


  1. I do believe that “Beans Happen” is the best guinea pig motto I’ve ever heard on the entire Internet. Alfalfa wins!!!! (Give him some grass from me!)

    • I’m going to make it a shirt! – A

      • I’ll buy it!

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