So, where was I? Oh, yes, I was engaging in a frantic search for my pain in-the-rear guinea pig. After taking a moment to think like a rodent, I concluded that Alfalfa had gone underground and buried himself in the mess under my bed. So, I got down and laid on my stomach to search for him. I started pulling miscellaneous items from under the bed and randomly tossing them into the living room. I will admit that I did start to organize the items as I tossed. Things to the left may need to be thrown out and things to the right I wanted to keep.
As I looked for Alfalfa, tossed stuff, and organized I heard a cough, “Ma’am,” the male voice started, “You really do need to evacuate…”
“I know!” I yelled from under the bed, “I’m looking for my pet!”
I guess the firefighter heard something else because he responded, “Under your bed is wet? Is it gas?”
“Gas? WHAT?” I yelled back.
“We have no time for guessing games…” he said simply. As I moved the next item I saw Alfalfa’s butt. I reached out and brushed it with my fingers.
“Come here,” I scowled. Alfalfa spun around and bit my finger. “OUCH!” I yelled.
“What?” the firefighter called. I began to back out from under my bed. I managed to pull out several pieces of hair on the exposed bed springs. As I got my head out from under the bed the firefighter burst out laughing. “Your hair,” he said between giggles.
“Mmnnnrump,” I said around the bleeding finger I had stuck in my mouth.
“You need a medic?” the firefighter asked.
“NO,” I said sarcastically. “Let me just get this monster…”
“OK,” the firefighter sighed, “But hurry…”
“Fine,” I said and went back under the bed. I saw the guinea pig sticking his head out from between two boxes. I didn’t hesitate. I reached out and grabbed for the devil. He bit another finger…bad. “Grrrr…” was all I could get out before reaching for the thing. He bit a third finger. But the sacrifice was worth it. I got my hand around Alfalfa’s neck and gently began to extract him.
When he was close enough I got my other hand around his backside. He began to kick at that hand. His nails scratched my palm. I wasn’t going to give up my grip on the beast. As I backed up Alfalfa let me know that he was not a big fan of the current situation. “WHEEEEK!” he yelled as I emerged from under the bed.
“Ughhh…” the firefighter remarked. “Is that thing your pet?”
“Yeup,” I said cradling him to my chest as I stood up. “Meet Alfalfa, AKA El Diablo…”
“I can see why,” he remarked.
“Thanks,” I said with genuine appreciation for the fact that he saw a beast that lived in the house with me.
“Your bleeding,” he remarked and stood there.
“Yeah,” I said. “Uhmmm, could we discuss this outside? You know, because I’m supposed to be evacuating…”
“Yeah,” he said and led the way out of the apartment. I followed and closed the door. As soon as we emerged from the front lobby he called, “Chief, we got one injured here…”
“What?!? I am NOT injured!” I protested. “I’ve been bit…that’s all…by my pet… no biggie…” I stammered over my words. Luckily the chief took my word for it and didn’t make a big deal of the way I looked.
I walked over to the grass and sat down placing Alfalfa on my lap. Alfalfa began to wheek at me. He smelled grass and wanted some. I created a ‘barrier’ for him by putting the bottom of my feet together and placing him between my legs. Alfalfa circled once and sat. He began to munch grass completely oblivious to the situation around him.
Yes, we got back into the house…after a while. Yes, there is a bit more to this story. And yes, it does involve those sexy firemen. But, that’s next week’s part…