How my guinea pig tried to kill me, again… Part One

This is blog not going to be a paranoid rant. Well, not much of a paranoid rant. I am justified in my paranoia about him. That thing out to get me. Take me down. Take me out. I’m serious. My guinea pig is going to kill me.  Let me explain…

Sunday night I was sleeping in my warm, comfortable bed. In the middle of the night I felt the urge to use the bathroom. Now, I know better than to just get up and go to the bathroom without turning on the light. But knowing and being tired at 1:30 in the morning are two different things.

So, I blindly got up out of bed and began to feel my way to the bathroom. I made it past the dresser without stubbing at toe. That was good. I entered the hallway and stepped on something. *SQUISH* ‘Oh, crap,’ I thought. I froze and reached for the light. I felt something ooze under my left foot as my weight shifted. “Ohhhhhh, what is that?” I moaned.

“Yummy!’ – A

I turned on the light. I looked down and saw Rags under my foot. I reacted badly. What? It was 1:30 am! I hopped and jumped and shifted my weight off of the nasty sock. I guess I was hoping that a quick reaction would leave the slime behind. Nope. I managed to teach myself of an important lesson about balance, the human body, and gravity.

I learned that you need to have at least one foot on the ground and some type of balance to remain standing. Yes, humans cannot levitate.  I tripped myself.  I felt the free fall but realized too late the exact nature of my situation. I failed to brace for impact. *crack* went my head as it hit the closet door.  Then my entire body slammed into the closet door. “Oooooooo…” I moaned as I hit and started to body slide down the door face.  I quickly peeled myself off of the door and tried to stand up straight again.

I was dizzy and still had to use the bathroom. I felt and stumbled my way over to the toilet. After my business was complete, I washed and examined myself in the mirror. No blood or bruising. ‘I’m good,’ I thought. I went back the way I came making sure to step over Rags as I walked. I wasn’t touching that thing. When I got back into bed, I quickly fell asleep.

Unfortunately for me, that wasn’t the last of my problems that my little trip. But you’ll have to wait until next week for the second half of this…