Did you know that guinea pigs fart? I didn’t until I adopted Alfalfa. In fact, I remember his first fart that I heard. He farted so loud that it scared him. I’ll admit that I was scared too. And the smell! Oh my goodness. I had to call one of my guinea pig rescue friends to make sure Alfalfa wasn’t going to die. Seriously, it really smelled like he was going to die! But after about a half an hour of reassurance, I finally concluded that he was fine.
Since that first incident, I’ve heard Alfalfa fart only a several times more. That’s a good thing. Guinea pigs are not supposed to have a lot gas. Lots of gas can mean serious stomach issues. But I digress; back to my fart-y guinea pig.
The other Sunday I was lying on the living room floor watching television. (Yes, I have a floor obsession.) Alfalfa kept walking back and forth blocking my view of the television. “Dude,” I complained, “quit purposely blocking my view of the television!” He huffed at me and continued to pace back and forth. “Alright,” I said and reached out to tweak his butt. I pinched his butt and he took off. “Ha!” I declared watching his butt wiggle under the bed skirt. I had won.
Five minutes later Alfalfa was back. He started to pace in front of me. “Again?” I sighed, “Don’t’ make me pinch your butt again…” Alfalfa chattered his teeth as he walked past me again. Then I smelled it. He had farted as he walked past me. “Alfalfa!” I yelled as I popped up, “Did you just crop dust me?” The smell became more intense. “Oh, dude,” I complained but Alfalfa was nowhere to be found.
“Alfalfa!” I scolded the empty room. I saw the bed skirt flutter. “HA!” I declared, “Yes, I see you…” He stuck his head out from the bed skirt. “What was that all about?” He huffed at me. “I bet you were planning on blaming that on me… Goodness, what the heck have you been eating… That stinks!” Alfalfa huffed at me again and ducked back under the skirt. Oh, the smell was so bad…so bad. I had to go over the cabinet and pull out the air fresher. His fart had stunk up the living room.
The moral of the story? Well, guinea pigs do fart. They stink. And, apparently, my guinea pig likes to crop dust me when he does… *sigh*
Author’s note: It has come to my attention that not everyone knows what “crop dusting” means. Well it must be a local term. It means passing gas as you walk past some one and not stopping. The hope is to spread the joy and smell. I hadn’t heard the term till I moved here…