The other weekend, it was a beautiful fall day. The sky was clear, the sun was out, and the temperature was perfect. It was one of the days that you just have to open the windows and let the day in. As I did, Alfalfa wandered out from under the bed and began to sniff the breeze blowing in. “It’s fresh air, dude,” I explained, “Awesome!” He huffed in what I took as an agreement. He continued to sniff around the floor.
I went to work cleaning the house. As I was wiping down surfaces, Alfalfa began to wheek at me. “WHEEK!” he went. “Sup, Dude?” I asked. “Wheek,” he replied. “You want a treat?” I asked. “Wheek,” I got back. “Here,” I said giving him a vitamin C treat. He gobbled it down and wandered off.
Five minutes later Alfalfa was back out sniffing around. He headed for the door. “Dude?” I asked, “Who do you smell? The lady across the hall?” I giggled. “You’re not going to go out there to terrorize the poor women.” Alfalfa didn’t like my answer. He wheeked at the top of his lungs. I sighed and continued to clean.
Five minutes later, Alfalfa started to wheek again and again. This was becoming annoying. “Dude?” I asked. “What is your issue?” He walked up to the door, threw his head up, and began to throw a temper tantrum. Alfalfa did his angry pop-corn dance at the door. “NO,” I admonished. He stopped and looked at me. He then did something completely unexpected…he charged at me.
“Alfalfa!” I yelled as I jumped back. “I said NO!” He turned and started to wheek at the door again. I had it with him. All I wanted to do was clean. “That’s it!” I relented. “If you get holly water tossed in your general direction, don’t come crawling back to me for sympathy!” I opened the door and Alfalfa ran out into the hall. I’ll admit that at that point in time I was fed up with the monster. I briefly considered locking him in out in the hall. Then I heard him wheeking, again.
‘Crap’ I thought as I went out to investigate. I walked out into the hall expecting to see the Holly Water lady from across the hall. But, the hallway was empty. All I saw was Alfalfa dancing around. “Wheek, wheek, wheek…” he went as he danced. “What?” I said. He continued unfazed by my question or presence. He continued, “WHEEEEEEKKK!”
I went back into the house, grabbed several treats, and went back out into the hallway. “Here,” I begged, “Eat this!” No response. He continued his excited dance. “Ok, I give up… I give up…” I finally said. I sat down in the hall outside of my door. Alfalfa danced over to me and continued to wheek.
“Dude,” I said hanging my head, “I have no idea what you want…” Alfalfa didn’t care about my frustration. He continued and continued and continued… “Is this what it feels like to have kids?” I asked my angry guinea pig. He only responded with more wheeking and angrier dancing.
I got up and walked up the stairs to the porch. I needed a moment to clear my head to make a rational decision about Alfalfa. When I got out side, the smell of fresh cut grass hit me like a brick wall. ‘Huh…’ I thought, ‘Perhaps Alfalfa can smell this inside…’ I grabbed a handful and went back into the lobby and back down the stairs. Here I said putting some fresh grass down on the hallway carpet. He gobbled it down. “HA!” I said triumphantly. “YOU SMELL THE GRASS!” I quickly formulated a plan. I placed small piles of grass on the carpet to lure Alfalfa back into the house.
Alfalfa quickly ran out of grass on his first pile. He sniffed and found the second one. And that second one brought him closer to the door. Then the third, then… Alfalfa ate his way back into the house. “HA!” I said closing the door. I had purposely left the largest pile of grass on his house area. Alfalfa settled into his last pile of grass. He ate the entire pile with record speed.
After he was done inspecting for any leftovers, he walked several steps and then flopped on his cozy. I think it took him a total of two minutes to fall asleep. He was happy, full, and fed. I had sated the beast…all was right with the world again.