“Oh,” CG said putting his bag down. He bent over and grabbed the remotes. “Are you aware that there is a salad box here?”
“Hand it to me… I was feeding the beast…” I replied. CG picked up the salad container and handed it to me.
“I’ll leave you to your work…” I said walking away to the fridge.
“Uhmmm,” CG said turning away from the television, “You’re not going to leave, are you?”
“What?” I laughed, “The apartment is like the size of a shoe-box…where would I go?” I held my hands up and gestured around me.
“It’s just that we’re not allowed to be in a house without the owners there and with the, the…pet…” he said.
“Oh, righhhhht…” I said giggling. “Right, I’ll be here, at my computer…” I said pointing at my computer that was 10 feet away from where he was working. “Is that ok?” I asked sarcastically.
“Fine,” CG said adjusting his shirt. He was turning a bright red. CG turned back to the job at hand.
CG stared pulling wires and making noise. Alfalfa did not approve. “Mrrrrwweekkkeeeekkkeeeekkkrrrr…” he let out. CG froze.
“Alfalfa,” I admonished my bad guinea pig, “Cut it out.”
“Uhmm, Miss?” CG asked from his position.
“Yeah,” I replied.
“What type of pet did you say you had?” he asked.
“A guinea pig,” I sighed.
“Are you sure?” he asked.
“Yes, would you like to see him?” I asked getting up.
“NO!” he said a bit too loud and a bit too quickly. “I mean, no thanks,” he corrected.
“Mmmmhuh,” I mumbled. Alfalfa must have taken that as his queue to start again.
“WHEEK!” he yelled from under the bed.
“You sure that thing is caged?” CG asked me.
“No,” I said plainly, “He’s a free-ranger…” I added not thinking.
“WHAT?” CG half asked and half yelled. He stood up and took a step towards the door.
“Would you feel more comfortable if I caged him?” I asked. Alfalfa must have heard the word ‘caged’ and reacted. He let out a loud squeal. CG looked like he wanted to bolt and may have run through the door if Alfalfa made any moves.
I walked over to Alfalfa’s area and grabbed his fence made out of C & C cage material. I made a barrier using it from the bed to the sofa effectively keeping CG safe. “Is that better?” I asked.
“Oh, thanks,” CG said finally letting out his breath. “You see the company has a policy that all pets must be caged or put outside….it’s a company thing…”
“Ok,” I said stepping over the barrier and walking into the kitchen. I sat down at the computer and grabbed Alfalfa’s treat bag. I shook the bag and called, “Alfalfa…” He came running from under the bed and up to me for a treat. I gave him several treats.
“You’re guinea pig comes on command?” CG said standing on his side of the barrier. It seemed that he had gained additional confidence with the addition of the barrier.
“No,” I said looking down at Alfalfa, “he’s just responding to the noise of the bag. But, he does attack on command…”
“Oh,” CG said. I think he was getting the point that I was not amused by him or his visit.
Clearly Alfalfa understood what I said and charged at the barrier. He stopped just short of the barrier and started to jump and throw himself in a temper-tantrum. CG took several steps back and almost backed into the television. “Alfalfa,” I called. “Cut it out. You’re scaring the poor man.” Of course my rouge guinea pig didn’t listen.
Alfalfa head butted the barrier. CG jumped and let out a small squeak. “It’s trying to get out…” he said in horror.
“Alfalfa,” I admonished and got up to wrangle my bad pig. Of course he bolted for under the bed. “There…” I declared, “problem solved.” CG was not convinced and continued to stare in the direction of the bed.
“That’s it?” CG asked.
“Yeup,” I confirmed. “He shouldn’t bother us again…” I turned and went back to working on my computer. CG went back to the cable problem. He started to work at a brisk pace. I saw him stick his head in between the shelves on the television stand.
Alfalfa took advantage of his weak position. “WHEEEEEK!” Alfalfa let out at the top of his lungs. I heard CG jump and bang his head on the shelving.
“Damn!” CG yelled pulling his head out from the television shelving.
I jumped up, “Alfalfa Pig!” I yelled. Alfalfa turned and huffed at me. “That’s it!” I said, “You are so grounded! Go to your cage, to your cage…” I said to him. He huffed and walked over to the bed. “NO,” I admonished, “I said go to your cage…” Alfalfa didn’t care. He walked to the bed and went under the bed skirt. I turned to CG, “You see what I have to deal with? That thing thinks he owns the place…”
CG was just standing there staring at me and rubbing his head. “Well,” he said, “Your cable is fixed…”
“Uhmmm,” I stammered, “You ok?”
“Fine.” CG replied shortly. Clearly he was no longer amused with the whole situation. “Sign this,” he said thrusting a clipboard in my hands. I took it and signed the board. “Thanks for trusting in *insert company name*. Have a good day.” I opened the door for him and CG walked out. I closed the door and locked it.
I walked over to the impromptu barrier and removed it. Alfalfa heard the noise and ran over to inspect the area of intrusion. He began to furiously sniff the area around the television. “Yes,” I said walking away, “you area was invaded…it’s yours now…”
Alfalfa let out a small wheek. I turned to see him peeing on the floor in front of the television. “Alfalfa!” I yelled. He bolted for under the bed. I was left was a wet spot on the rug in front of the television. “Great,” I sighed, “Now I’m being punished. All I wanted to do is have my cable fixed… and watch Dr. Who…”