At 1:15 pm the Carpet Cleaning Guy (CCG) arrived at my house and knocked. I heard Alfalfa let out a squeal of disapproval from the bathroom as I headed to the door. I called back, “You be a good boy!” I greeted CCG and showed him the areas that needed to be cleaned. CCG inquired about the ‘dog’ in the house. “Dog?” I asked.
“It says on my notes that you have a dog in the house…” CCG replied looking down at his work order.
“Oh,” I laughed, “I don’t have a dog; I have a guinea pig…” Alfalfa must have heard me and let out a small wheek. “That’s him in the bathroom…he’s not happy with his accommodations…”
CCG was happy to hear that Alfalfa was out of the way and quickly got to work on cleaning the carpets.
CCG used an all-natural orange cleaner. It is safe for pets and humans alike. He sprayed the floor with his hand-held pumper-sprayer-thinger… It hissed as he covered the floor with the cleaning solution. I heard Alfalfa running around in the bathroom. I could tell he didn’t like something. I checked on Alfalfa several times during the application phase of the carpet cleaning. He was agitated with the whole situation. “Tough!” I told him and closed the door.
CCG began to steam clean the carpets using his magic water wand tool. It sucked and cleaned and watered at the same time. I’ve got to admit that I found the thing really cool. I wanted one.
“I’m going to work my way around the perimeter leaving a path in the center,” CCG explained to me. “Then I’ll start at the far end of the path and work my way back towards the door…”
“Oh, good idea,” I said admiring the clean carpet left in his path.
CCG cleaned most of the carpet and then went to the area near the bathroom. His method was meticulous but quick. He hit the bathroom door several times in the process of cleaning the tiny hallway and the bathroom door popped open a few inches….just enough for Alfalfa to sneak through…
Now, I did not directly witness the next series of events. I was in the kitchen when it happened and my view was obstructed by a wall. But I will describe to you what I did see in the best detail possible… You can draw your conclusions from my observations:
So, I’m standing in the kitchen listening to the spray-slurp-squeegee-slurp of the carpet cleaning tool. I hear, “Holly F**k!” then “Aughhhhhhhh…” Then I see a black streak fly across the floor. I see CCG’s cleaning tool go flying. Then, I see CCG take off and run out of the apartment. The cleaning tool is still in the air as CCG exits the apartment. It flips and the cleaning tool hit the floor and starts spewing water.
I was left dumbfounded. I’m sure my jaw dropped. I’m sure I had the most stupid expression on my face at the time. But it was truly one of the oddest things I had ever seen. It took me several seconds to formulate a response to what I had just witnessed. “What the hell just happened?” I called to an empty apartment. I heard CCG in the hallway pacing. “Uhhmmmm, you ok? Did you just get shocked? Just so you know, there’s a water leak now…” I called to the hallway. I was concerned that something bad had happened…other than what I thought had happened…
“Miss,” CCG called from the relative safety of the hall.
“Yes,” I said walking over to the door sticking my head out.
“You have a huge rat in the apartment,” CCG explained, “We may need animal control…”
I sighed. “That’s the guinea pig you let out of the bathroom…when you hit the door with the tool and it popped open…a guinea pig…not a rat…” I slowly repeated, “G-u-i-n-e-a—p-i-g…”
“If it’s all the same to you,” the guy said rubbing his head, “Could you put it back into the bathroom…I don’t like rats…”
“Fine,” I said. “Just so you know, he’s a trained killer…”
“What?” CCG asked me.
“Nothing,” I said turning to find Alfalfa. He was under the bed furiously sniffing the rug. “Dude,” I called to Alfalfa, “There’s no place to hide under there, I’ve moved everything…” Alfalfa huffed at me. “Let’s go, you’ve had your fun…” I clicked my tongue at him. It’s the noise I use to call him and give him treats. He was still sniffing at the rug. “Let’s go,” I called, “I’ll get you a treat…” Alfalfa’s head popped up and he popcorned. “Yes,” I called, “A big treat…” Alfalfa followed me and went into the bathroom without protest. I gave him a nice big treat.
Then I heard, “Is it safe?” from the apartment door.
I stuck my head out the bathroom and called, “Yes…the beast has been secured…” I closed the bathroom door and giggled. I had to pull myself together before facing CCG again. After all, I didn’t want to be rude. Alfalfa was munching on his treat. He was happy and quiet. “You are a good boy…” I said to him.
I left the bathroom and saw CCG finishing his carpet cleaning. He was working much quicker than before. It was time for the post cleaning signature. CCG stood in the hallway to conduct business claiming, “I don’t want to mess up your newly cleaned rug…” while wearing clean booties over his shoes.
“Right…” I said a bit sarcastically. I signed the paperwork and he stayed in the hallway cleaning up his equipment. I closed the door and walked back over to the bathroom to let Alfalfa out. I heard him behind the door anxiously wheeking. “Release the hounds!” I called as I opened the door. Alfalfa came running out. I giggled at him. He began to explore the freshly cleaned rug. I got to work at setting up fans to aid the drying. “You know pig,” I called to Alfalfa, “I gotta say, that was awesome!” Alfalfa huffed at me as if to say, ‘Would you expect anything less of me?’