Alfalfa likes to greet me at the door some days when I get home from work. Some days it’s nice. Some days it’s not… The not so nice days are when he greets me with complaints. Those are usually days that I’m a bit late coming home. I will put the key in the door lock and the complaining starts. The noise of the key in the lock must be his queue to start. “Wheek, wheek, wheek,” he yells as loud as possible. I will respond to his complaints, “Yes, yes, yes… I know; I’m late…” I continue to try to sooth his temper as I unlock the second lock on the door. It doesn’t work…ever. My voice only confirms to him that I am late and that I am guilty of being late with dinner.
One time I was talking to him through the door and I dropped my keys. The lady from across the hall came out to see what all of the ‘noise’ was about. “Ello!” I heard from behind me and I jumped dropping my keys again.
“Oh, hello,” I said bending over to grab my keys again.
“Oh,” the lady said, “El Diablo is bad, yes?”
“Sounds like it,” I said fumbling with my keys.
“He need Jesus!” she declared turning. I saw her backside running back into her apartment. I presumed she was grabbing the Holly Water. I quickly got the key in the lock and opened the door. Alfalfa was in truly terrible mood this day and made a bad choice. He ran past me and out of the apartment. As he exited the apartment, the lady from across the hallway was rushing back out of her apartment. The two sworn foes locked eyes.
“Alfalfa,” I called, “Get your butt back in the house!” He ignored me. He was focused on one thing: that lady from across the hall with the Holly Water. In true western style, Alfalfa and the lady from across the hall were in a showdown. Her weapon? Holly Water. His weapon? His voice and boldness.
Alfalfa had a glint of determination in his eyes. I wasn’t going to just let this happen. I took a step forward and bent to pick up my bad guinea pig. I was too slow.
Alfalfa let out the mother of all squeals and charged at the lady. She took a step back fumbling the Holly Water. Alfalfa stopped half way between her and my apartment door. I was left to stand there half bent over to pick up a now gone guinea pig. “Alfalfa pig!” I admonished standing back up. “You leave her alone!” He ignored me.
The lady got her wits about her, put some Holly Water in her hand, and threw it at Alfalfa. She muttered, “Go, El Diablo, go…” It only made Alfalfa more furious. He wheeked again and began to hiss.
“Look,” I said to the lady, “You’re just going to make him madder…” She ignored me. She took some more Holly Water and threw it in Alfalfa’s direction. He hissed and charged her. The lady jumped and back up several steps into her door. She was making the sign of the cross with the hand holding the Holly Water while frantically searching for the door handle with her free hand.
“No, no, no, no,” came from her mouth. She found the door handle and backed into her apartment.
“Alfalfa,” I called from mid-way between our two doors, “Let’s go! That’s enough trouble…” But no, Alfalfa had to have the last word. The lady watched Alfalfa through the crack created by the mostly closed door. He walked up to her welcome mat in the hallway, turned around, and planted several beans on it. The lady screamed as if she was hit by something and slammed her door fully closed. The noise started Alfalfa and several more beans went flying as he jumped.
Finished with his business, Alfalfa trotted over and past me. All I could do was shake my head and get a napkin to clean up his fresh mess. I called to the shut door across the hallway, “He’s gone… You’re safe now…” I followed Alfalfa into the apartment. I was finally able to put my school stuff down. So, I grabbed a napkin to clean up the mess.
When I got into the hallway, I saw the lady from across the hallway liberally applying Holly Water and prayers to Alfalfa’s beans. I told her that I would happily clean them up and spray the mat for extra measure. She would not let me touch them. “Mark of El Diablo…” she said pointing to the bean.
I sighed, “Yes, and I will clean them up…”
“No!” she said firmly. “We pray for Jesus…” She grabbed my hand and started saying the Lord’s prayer in Spanish. So, I stood there and prayed along with her in English over my guinea pig’s beans… When she was satisfied that the ‘evil’ from the beans was gone, I was allowed to remove them and throw them outside. As I came back in I saw her blessing her entrance with Holly Water and incense. She was brandishing a rather large cross while performing her blessing.
I wished her well and went back into my apartment. Alfalfa was standing there waiting for me. “You!” I said as I closed the door. “Do you realize what you just did?” Alfalfa huffed at me. “I had to pray over your beans, your poop… The lady from across the hall thinks that you cursed her…” Alfalfa let out another huff. “What am I going to do with you?” I asked picking up his food bowl and heading to the kitchen. Alfalfa let out joyful squeaks of anticipation for dinner. He had forgotten about the whole thing already… That’s a guinea pig for you…
Author’s Note: We would like to send out a special thanks to all of our fans. The Facebook page Alfalfa’s Adventures hit 500 likes. That’s just awesome. You are just awesome!