This is Alfalfa. I’ve read some of the lies my mother has been saying about me… So, I am writing today’s blog because I need to set the record straight on several things with you, my fans.
1) Biting Toes – Contrary to what my mother says, I do not bite her toes because I am mean. It is simply a matter of taste. I cannot help it if my mother’s toes and the most wonderful, tasty, juicy, thing I’ve ever had in my mouth. It may be an addiction.
2) Random Beans – I do not “let the beans fly” anywhere in the house. Each pile of beans is a statement. Just because my mother cannot figure out what I mean, does not make it any less of a statement. You human cherish your freedom of expression. So do I! I just use beans to make my point. Ok, I’ll admit, there are some beans that are not a “statement”. But, hey, when you gotta go, you gotta go… Besides, holding in beans can’t be good for my prostate. Why risk it?
3) Rags – Rags is everything a man could want. I don’t really want to talk about our relationship other than to say that I love her…and to tell her thanks for last night…
4) Girlfriends – Speaking of girlfriends, I really do not have that one special lady in my life. I mean, I am communication with several on-line. But I am not sure where to go with those relationships. Besides, “someone” threatens all of the other girls that I talk to… I am stuck between a rock and a hard place. What’s a sexy boar to do?
5) Late Food – Contrary to what my mom says, I do not “yell” “at” “her” for serving my food late. I am just “yelling” because my stomach hurts…bad. It’s an expression of pain not frustration. I can’t help it if it coincides with my mom being lazy or mom being mean or mom forgetting me or mom being late coming home. It’s pain…because my stomach is empty…
6) Destruction – I am not a destructive guinea pig. The truth is my teeth are constantly growing. I need to make sure they stay trimmed down. So, I find inventive ways to make sure that happens… Just because it involves mom’s furniture sometimes, doesn’t mean I’m being destructive… It means I’m being proactive about my teeth. Replacing a $150 desk is WAY cheaper than the vet bills I could have because my teeth were in poor shape. Trust me.
7) My Man-li-ness – No doubt, you all know that I am a very handsome boar. I enjoy the benefits of being boar. But I hear rumors that my mom is threating my enjoyment of being a boar. I’m telling you now, if she does that to me, I will try to remove one of her toes…with my teeth…
8) Mom – Speaking of moms, I’ve got some good applications for my new mother. I still have not made the choice of who will be my new mom. I keep trying to find that perfect combination of servant, caretaker, and minion. It’s been hard. I mean Garibaldi has a mom that worships him so much, she takes his plushy on vacation! And lets the plushy write about it: http://gianthamster.com/2013/04/super-capy-gets-his-powers/ And Dobby’s mom loves him so much that when she says no, she really doesn’t mean it… Seriously, check out his latest video: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jqDpJMSj6d8 I mean, why can’t I have a mom like those two? *sigh*
Well, I hope that I have set the record straight. I’ve got to go and eat some dinner. It’s a rough life. Hope you have a good week.