Well, as some of you could have predicted, this blog is going to be about farting…more specifically guinea pig farts. Yes, I know, you don’t believe that a guinea pig can fart. Let me tell you, they can! And it’s not a pleasant experience for anyone within several hundred feet…
I was making a traditional dish for dinner on Tuesday night. It consists of fried cabbage, butter, egg-noodles, and some spices. Before you can cook the cabbage you need to cut it up into smaller squares. As I was cutting, I accidentally dropped a larger square of cabbage on the floor. I looked down and saw Alfalfa sniff then grab the cabbage. “Dude,” I said to him in a firm voice, “put that down…” In response, he bolted. “Alfalfa!” I yelled to a rather large guinea pig butt as it quickly disappeared under the bed. “Oh, boy,” I said putting down my knife and grabbing a towel.
I walked over to the bed and pulled the skirt up. “Alfalfa pig!” I said to my bad boy, “Give me that. It’s not good for you…” I reached in to his area and was rewarded with a nip. I pulled my hand back and visually inspected the area. The cabbage was gone. “Oh, pig,” was all I could say. I walked back over to my dinner preparations.
I finished making dinner and sat down to eat. That’s when the smell started. ‘What the heck is that?’ I thought as I ate. It soon got worse. I got up and walked over to the door, opened it, and stuck my head out. I sniffed the air. It smelled better in the hallway then in my apartment. I closed the door and turned sniffing for the source of offensive odor.
Alfalfa walked by at my feet. He stopped, looked up at me, and farted. “DUDE!” I said. I leaned forward and was greeted by an awful smell. “Oh, my goodness!” I said standing back up and holding my nose. “I told you that cabbage was no good for you…” I complained through a pinched nose. Alfalfa continued on walking towards his food dish. As he walked he released small farts. He was completely oblivious to the smell that he was producing.
I went over to the kitchen and got out the air freshener. Over the next hour, I think I used up a ½ can of air freshener trying to counteract the stench. At one point in time, Alfalfa let out a machine gun farting round off. Oh, it was bad…so bad. I had the bathroom fan on trying to pull out the smell of the air. Finally after about three hours the frequency of Alfalfa’s gas slowed and almost stopped. It was the sweetest thing I had not smelled all day.
Author’s note: Gas for guinea pigs can be a very deadly condition. The gas can give the guinea pig bloat if not quickly passed. If your guinea pig develops gas from a specific food, it’s best not to give that food to your guinea pig. Sometimes eating too much of a specific food, such as fresh grass, can give a guinea pig gas. It’s best to feed all items to your guinea pig in moderation and avoid any that cause gas. It could be a matter of life and death for your guinea pig.