I was exhausted on Monday. I got home at four, ate at five, and laid down for a nap when I was done with dinner. Alfalfa was fed at about 4:30. He hadn’t touched his food by the time I laid down to nap. I lay in bed staring at the ceiling wondering if he was not feeling well. After all, he not eating is a rare and disturbing event.
After about five minutes exhaustion overtook my worries and I started to drift off. That’s when I heard Alfalfa start to munch on his hay. ‘Crunch, crunch, crunch,’ I heard as he started to eat. I smiled. It was a great sound. Then his chewing became more frantic. His hunger had finally kicked in. I sighed and rolled over to my side. As I drifted off I heard him go after his veggie bowl and knock it over in an attempt to get to the greens in the bottom. I sighed, “Silly pig…” as I fell asleep.
I woke up to a mad and hungry pig wheeking at the side of my bed. He was demanding more food. I giggled in delight at his demands. The wheeking got more urgent. I had to get up and gave him a small second helping of dinner. As he got back into the food, I heard his tell-tale munching. “That’s a good boy…” I said.
Later that same night, my joy turned to frustration… I laid down at night and started to drift off. Not even ten minutes later, Alfalfa started. “WHEEEEEEEKKKK!” he went as if attempting to set a new record for the world’s loudest guinea pig. Alfalfa had decided to protest to the lack of fresh greens and vegetables in his bowl. “PIG!” I called from the bed. “Cut it out!” The loud wheeking sound stopped and was replaced with a pathetic half-wheek-half-sob-half-sniffle. I listened to his begging for five minutes. It finally got to me. “Dude,” I called out, “Please, oh, please, go to bed…” The noise stopped.
I was exhausted and started to drift off. Again, Alfalfa let out another huge squeal, “WHEEEEEK!” he went from the left side of my bed. “That’s it!” I said reaching for the bed side light, “That’s it!” I turned on the light and threw back my covers. I was furious. I was making plans on sending Alfalfa to one of his aunt’s house. ‘He’s going to his new mom,’ I thought as I got out of bed. I guess that’s why I didn’t notice the rather large pile of beans on the floor. I stepped in the pile with my right BARE foot. SQUISH! “Aughhhh!” I yelled jumping back.
“Al-fal-fa!” I yelled. I heard the brat run off. I sat down on the bed and began to pick the crushed and stuck pellets off the bottom of my foot. Alfalfa called from his bowl. “Yeah, yeah, yeah,” I said getting up and walking over to the trashcan and then the sink. I washed my hands ignoring the renewed call. I got out some greens and re-fed the beast. Ten minutes later I was in bed and quickly drifted off again.
At 1 am, I heard a ‘pswipt’ noise. I opened my eyes in the darkness and listened for the noise again. The ‘pswipt’ came again. As the fog cleared, I realized that Alfalfa was shredding paper. “Dude?” I called. ‘Pswipt,’ came in response. “Alfalfa, dude?!?” I called louder. There was a pause in the sound. “Can you just let me sleep?” I asked to the darkness. “Pswipt…” was the reply. I sat up in bed, “Alfalfa!” I called. “Please, just let me sleep!”
Finally there was silence. I sighed and lay back down. I quickly started to drift off. As the fog of sleep rolled in the noise came again, ‘Pswipt, pswipt, pswipt…” I couldn’t stop him. I had to just ignore it. I rolled over, pulled out my pillow, and used it to cover my head. Finally, I drifted off to sleep…again…
At 6:00 am, my alarm went off. I was exhausted but had no choice to get up and go to work. I turned on my bed side lamp. As I sat up, I looked to the left of the bed and saw the four new piles of beans Alfalfa had left for me. I just sighed, got out of bed, and tiptoed around the new piles. Alfalfa was nowhere in sight. I lifted the bed skirt and saw an out cold guinea pig. “Alfalfa?” I called. He didn’t stir. “Alfalfa?” I called a bit louder and he twitched. “Dude?” Alfalfa opened his eyes, yawned, and sneezed. “Yeah,” I said unsympathetically, “I’m sure you don’t like being woken up, either…” I dropped the bed skirt and went to deal with my morning routine. When I was on my way out I saw Alfalfa walk out from under the bed. He looked really tired. “Lucky. I’d love to have your life right now…” I said to him as I closed the door. It was going to be one of those days.