Posted by: kerryannekay | February 6, 2013

Not the Nose, Not the…

Work, school, and my daily chores have not taken kindly to my back.  It has been aching each day I arrive home.  I try to remedy the situation with heating pads, hot baths, muscle rubs, and lots of muscle relaxants.  One of the best things for me to do is lay on the floor while one or more of these things are applied to my back.  There is a large furry problem with doing that:  Alfalfa.  He doesn’t usually take too kindly to me taking up his territory.

"I like my hay!" - A

“I like my hay!” – A

I have written about how Alfalfa has bitten my ear and snuggled up to me when I was lying on the floor.  I never know what I’m going to get.  So each time I lay on the floor I take a risk.  The floor it is very therapeutic for my back.  The other day I laid down to rest.  With my pillow and a blanket I lay down and quickly fell asleep.  That was a bad idea…

When I sleep, I tend to roll on to my side.  This time was no different.  I slowly came awake to a tickling sensation on my nose.  Trying to ignore it I sneezed.  I was greeted with a nip to my noise.  “Ouch!” I yelled opening my eyes to see Alfalfa nose to nose with me.  “Alfalfa!” I let out sitting up.  “My goodness,” I said turning back to him, “Why can’t you be a normal guinea pig?” My back twitched.  “Ouch,” I groaned and lay back down flat on my back.  It seemed to help and not help at the same time.

Alfalfa was not fazed by my complaint.  I turned my head and was nose to nose with him again.  “Dude,” I begged, “I’m in pain…please be good…”  My back was getting so bad, I couldn’t move my arms.  Alfalfa stretched his faced forward and gently nipped my nose again.  “Ouch!” I said, “Stop it…”  I was in a full spasm and was at the mercy of my guinea pig.  He knew it.  For the third time he stepped forward and nipped my nose.  I had it with this game.  “STOP IT!” I yelled as loud as I could muster.  Alfalfa bolted.  ‘Thank goodness,’ I thought.  My back continued to spasm.

Five minutes later my bad guinea pig was back.  “Oh,” was all I could say.  I couldn’t move, I couldn’t reach out and smack my guinea pig.  I couldn’t do anything.  He moved in closer and close to my face.  I knew his target was my nose.  I began to blow at him.  Huff, huff, huff, I went as Alfalfa closed in on me.  I pretended that he was a candle that I had to blow out.  I continued to huff at him.  He stopped and smelled the air.  I was running short on breath and in jeopardy of hyper ventilating.  After about five more huffs I was out of breath.

"Heater bliss..." - A

“Heater bliss…” – A

Alfalfa took advantage of the situation and move in for the kill.  He full out bit my nose.  “OUCH!” I yelled again.  I was out of breath, in pain, and had a nose that the guinea pig could not resist.  “DAMN IT, PIG! GO AWAY!”  He took three steps back and looked at me with his head cocked.  I started to cry.  Now, I’m not sure if I was crying from the pain or the frustration.  The tears flowed.  Alfalfa continued to stare at me.  I tried moving my arm up towards my head.  My back got tighter across my shoulders with the motion.  I tried turning my head but could not do it without excruciating pain.

Alfalfa moved in for another bite.  “No, please, no,” I cried.  He walked up to my nose, sniffed it, and turned.  Alfalfa placed his butt right at my nose and laid down.  “Thanks,” I sniffled.  I stayed motionless on the floor for about five minutes with my eyes closed.  Alfalfa was asleep…right in front of me…  He must of sensed me.  He stood up and beaned right in front of me.  Turning to inspect his work, he huffed at me, and walked away.  “Thanks,” I said to his butt.

I started laughing.  It’s was all I could do.  If only there was a camera to see this.  My guinea pig bit my nose, put his butt in my face, and left a pile of beans for me…  “Why can’t I have a normal guinea pig!” I cried and laughed.  My back started feeling better.  The spasms relaxed and I was able to start moving again.  Alfalfa came over to me.  This time I was able to swat him away with my hand.  “HA!” I said with the sense of relief…  My back felt better and I managed to ward off El Diablo…partial victory…kinda…  Oh, come on, at least let me think I won…

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