On Monday, I had a snow day and I was home from school. I decided to do some cleaning around the house. I vacuumed, wiped, and generally walked around making dust disappear. I got to Alfalfa’s area under the bed. When I pulled his trays out, he was not happy. When I pulled up the bed skirt and tuck it under the mattress, he was even unhappier. He chattered his teeth at me as I started to pull the mats out and vacuum.
He was in a full blown hissy fit by the time I saw the opening. Alfalfa had managed to push a box out of his way and create a space between the wall and the box. I had found his secret hiding spot! “HA!” I said turning to my angrily dancing pig, “I’ve got you now!” I reached into the darkness without thinking and grabbed something I could not identify. “Yuck!” I yelled pulling my hand back out. “I don’t even want to know what that is!” I said to my bad boy. He continued to chatter at me.
I went over to the sink and washed my hand. When I got back to the bed, Alfalfa was gone. I looked under the bed with the flashlight and saw him sitting, facing out, ready to attack. “Dude, come on…” was all I could say. I sighed and got up. I knew better than to stick my hand into the face of an angry guinea pig protecting his area… So, I thought, ‘Food!’ that would be my way to get him out. So, I prepared Alfalfa a second breakfast. The noise of the preparation was enough to get him from under the bed and at my heals. Even better, his mood was improving. I walked over to his rug area and placed his food down. Alfalfa didn’t question why he was getting more food. He just ate.
I got back to cleaning…this time with a flashlight. I saw several things in Alfalfa’s secret area. Here is the list:
1) A chewed up brown button.
Ok, yes, he likes to chew on things. So, this was not an odd thing to see.
2) A gum wrapper.
3) Four paperclips.
I stopped and stuck my head out to admonish my guinea pig. “Seriously?” I asked him not expecting an answer. “Paperclips?”
4) My gold earring.
“Alfafla!” I yelled from under the bed. “I’ve been looking for this for months!”
5) A bunch of shredded paper.
I backed out with my earring, paper, and hair. Alfalfa was standing near the bed. “Ok,” I said to him, “This hair collecting thing is nasty…just so you know.” I dumped the garbage in the bag and went back to work.
7) An old french-fry.
I giggled at that find. It had one bite out of it. He must have tried it and decide that he did not like it.
8) The missing BOW!
I was so excited to find the bow that I had tried to use for a picture. I back out of the bed and immediately put in my jewelry box. I went back under the bed. I wound up face to face with Alfalfa. “Aughhh!” I yelled and jumped. I smacked my head on the metal frame of the bed. Alfalfa startled when I yelled and ran past my face. I laid on the floor half laughing and half crying. I was in pain and slightly humiliated…again. I managed to fell my head and had a small bump. It was nothing major.
I went back to searching the area with my flashlight. There was nothing left. Then I saw the black streak along the wall. ‘What the hell is that?’ I thought. I reached out to touch it. It was waxy. I realized what it was. Alfalfa was rubbing his butt wax along the wall to mark. “Alfalfa!” I yelled from under the bed. “Are you serious? That is nasty!” I continued to complain as I back out from under the bed.
“DUDE!” I yelled once I was out from under the bed. Alfalfa trotted over to me. “Ok, dude,” I said a bit more calmly. “If you don’t stop marking under the bed on the wall, I’m going to give you more frequent butt-baths!” Alfalfa jumped back from me and started to chatter his teeth at me. “You heard me right, butt-baths…” He jumped back again at the words “butt-bath”. “So, don’t do it.” Alfalfa huffed at me. “I’ll take your word with that…”
I got the paint scrapper, paper towels, and bleach to clean the area. I went back under the bed and scrapped Alfalfa’s butt wax off of the wall. Then I sprayed it with bleach and scrubbed with the paper towels. It came relatively clean. “Well,” I sighed, “It’s good enough…besides no one but me knows it’s here…” I back out from the bed and saw Alfalfa run under the bed. I took the flashlight and looked for him. He was rubbing his butt against the wall leaving a black mark in his wake. “ALFALFA!” was all I could yell. He darted past me. That was it! That was all I could take. I went after him. He was going to get a butt-bath whether he wanted it or not…
After five minutes of trying to catch the bratt I gave up. I was out of breath and so was he. “Ok, Ok, Ok,” I conceded. “It’s under the bed. Only you and I know about it… It will be our secret…” Alfalfa darted under the bed.
Kerry Anne: 1