Alfalfa was put on three medications after his surgery: a pain medication, an antibiotic, and a probiotic for his system. During the best of time, Alfalfa is not what I would call the most cooperative guinea pig. When he is not feeling well, he goes out of his way to cause issues…
The other day when I was giving Alfalfa his medication, I tried to sweet talk him out of his pig-a-loo. “Dude,” I coaxed, “Duuuude…” Alfalfa stuck his out of the pig-a-loo. “Do you want your meds?” I stupidly asked. Alfalfa huffed at me and stuck his head back into his house. “I’ll take that as a no,” I said to him. I sat down in front of his cage and popped open the door. “Dude?” I called. Alfalfa stuck his head back out of his house. “Come here, dude…” Again Alfalfa huffed at me, turned, and went back into his pig-a-loo. Several seconds later his butt appeared in the entrance of the pig-a-loo. “Silly boy,” I called to him. In response, he lifted his butt and let several bean fly.
“Oh, my goodness…” I said with mock shock, “You are such a bad boy,” I gently admonished Alfalfa as he turned around to inspect his handy work. He sniffed at the beans. “Yeup, that was you, silly man…” I didn’t want to let my guinea pig know that I was secretly proud that he was pooping. It was nice to see he was feeling better. “Ok,” I announced getting his attention, “Time for your medicine…” At those words, Alfalfa went back into his house and started chattering his teeth at me.
“Oh,” I giggled, “You mad bro?” I lifted the pig-a-loo and reached for Alfalfa. That was a mistake. He promptly bit my unprotected hand. “OUCH!” I yelled retracting my hand and dropping the pig-a-loo. Alfalfa let out a warning hiss at me. “I’m the one that should be hissing at you!” I gently admonished the furious guinea pig. Alfalfa had managed to break my skin. I stuck my bleeding finger in my mouth. “All right,” I said around it, “You wanna play pig? We can play…” Alfalfa must have heard my tone. He reacted at it by hissing at me again.
I got up and walked over to the kitchen. I stopped and surveyed the potential implements of defense I could use. I looked at the wooden spoon. I quickly decided that that particular implement was not appropriate for the situation…and a bit mean… Then I looked at the spatula next to it… I thought, ‘What the hell am I going to do with that? Nothing…’ I moved on. I needed something soft and protective. I continued to survey the kitchen and landed on my oven mitts. That was more like it. I grabbed them and put them on. They were my nice green ones that match the doilies, heat pads, sink towels, and other cooking items in my kitchen. I walked towards Alfalfa cage with my hands up in front of me. I looked like a surgeon preparing to enter the operating room.
“Here we go,” I said walking up to Alfalfa’s cage. He popped his head out of his pig-a-loo, took one look at me, chattered his teeth, and promptly went back into his house. I sat down on the floor. I reached in and attempted to pick up Alfalfa’s pig-a-loo with my oven mitt. I couldn’t grab it. The mitt was an impediment. I took it off and placed it at the entrance to the house. Alfalfa freaked out. He started jumping and hissing at the oven mitt. He lunged and grabbed at it successfully managing to grab the offending mitt and drag it into his house. “Dude!” I said. “Are you mad at it or do you want to marry it?” Alfalfa’s pig-a-loo continued to dance up and down. I had to stop this before he got too carried away and damaged his surgical site.
I threw off the other oven mitt and grabbed the pig-a-loo yanking it off of the freaking out Alfalfa. “PIG!” I said in a firm tone, “Calm down…” I scooped up Alfalfa being careful of his surgical site. For my careful handling I was rewarded with a bite. He got the meaty part of my left hand. “OUCH!” I yelled shifting him to lie on my chest with my right hand under his butt. Alfalfa was not going to make this easy. I stood up and walked over to my desk. I had the medication measured and ready to go. I placed Alfalfa down on the towel and sat down.
“Is this going to be a daily battle?” I asked the huffing pig. “If so, I may need to drink a large glass of fortifying alcohol before each battle we have…” Alfalfa didn’t care. He made a move to jump off of the desk. “No, no, no,” I said putting my hand on his back to keep him in one spot. I had to figure out how to give a mad, squirmy, and biting guinea pig medication. This was going to be a problem…a big problem.
I placed my left forearm flat on the desk and backed Alfalfa into the crux of my elbow. Once his butt was against the inside of my arm, I moved it towards my body. This effectively trapped the mad man between my arm and my body. He tried to move forward. I pulled my left hand towards his chest and completed the blockade. “Ha,” I teased. Alfalfa looked up at me with pitiful eyes and let out a loud squeal of sorrow. “Oh, baby,” I said and leaned down and kissed the top of his head. He huffed at me. He was resigned to his fate.
I grabbed the first syringe with my right hand. “Ok,” I said in a calm and gentle voice, “Be a good boy for me…” I moved the syringe towards his mouth. Alfalfa turned his head and began to turn it from side to side. “Dude, cut it out…” He continued to writhe at my attempts to get the syringe in his mouth. I paused to allow him time to calm down. My tactic worked. He paused for a second to figure out what I was up to. I quickly but gently shoved the syringe in his mouth. I depressed the plunger dispensing the medication. “HA!” I said
I looked at Alfalfa and saw that all of the medication was smeared across his face and in his beard. “Crap!” is all I could get out. Alfalfa looked up at me with this smug expression. He let out a wheek of victory. “Bratt,” was all I could say to him. “You are not going to win this time…” He went from arrogant to pathetic in less than one second. I leaned down and kissed the top of his head again. I lingered breathing in his scent. He smelled like hay and boy pig. It was wonderful. I whispered into his fur, “Please take your medication…you need it to get better…I love you and want you to get better…ok, dude?” Alfalfa relaxed at the sound of my voice.
I took the opportunity to and quickly slipped him his other two doses of medication. I reloaded the first syringe and slipped that into his mouth successfully delivering the precious liquid. “Good boy,” I cooed and bent forward to kiss his head again. Alfalfa was tired of the head kissing. He lifted his head and bit my chin. “Ouch,” I said pulling back. He began to squirm. “All right,” I conceded, “Back to the cage…” I carefully carried by baby back to his cage. He ran into his pig-a-loo leaving a nice view of his butt. “Oh, pig,” I said, “You are so silly… I love you so much.” I closed his cage. Alfalfa let out a huge wheek from his cage. “Yes, yes, yes, I know,” I said walking to the refrigerator, “Food now, talk later…”
Next week I will publish a letter to all of the people that have helped Alfalfa through his medical issues. There will be no blog the first week of January. Then I will resume the normal blog posting on January 9th. The one year anniversary of “Alfalfa’s Adventures” is coming up soon. I could use some suggestions on how to celebrate it… As always thanks for your love and support. Our fans are the best.