Alfalfa usually waits for me to get home by sitting in front of the door. I will get a wheek or popcorn from him before he bolts to the kitchen expecting to be fed. Every once in a while he gets bold. Alfalfa will dart from out of the apartment into the foyer area of my floor. After a lap or two he darts back into the apartment. Today he decided to be a pain in my butt.
When I got home, Alfalfa darted out into the foyer. I laughed and called, “Let’s go pig…” I expected him to come running back into the apartment. Nothing happened. I looked out in the hall to see him lying in the center of the foyer. “Silly, pig,” I called, “Let’s go!” He sat there with a blank expression staring back at me. I was still not willing to go out and get him, “Let’s go, Alfalfa,” I said with a firmer voice. He did not move.
I gave up and walked out into the foyer. With that, Alfalfa was up and bolted to the furthest corner of the foyer. He was backed into a literal and proverbial corner. “HA!” I said grabbing for him. He bolted and ran in circles around me. “Damn, it pig!” I yelled. I tried to corral him back into the apartment. It didn’t work. Finally, I stood my ground in front of my apartment door. “Get your ass back in here…” I said a bit too loudly.
I heard my floor neighbor open her lock and then saw the door open. “Sorry,” I apologized to her, “he escaped…” I said pointing at Alfalfa.
“No problem,” she said with a slight Spanish accent. “I help you?” she asked.
“Please,” I responded and moved to the right of my door inside of the foyer.
“Ok, go, go! Shoo, shoo” she said and shooed at Alfalfa. He was not impressed by the display.
“Alfalfa!” I tried again to no avail.
The neighbor crossed her threshold to make the stubborn pet move. Alfalfa stood up, turned, and chattered his teeth at her. “Don’t …” I warned. She stopped and gave me a puzzled look
“He’s the devil when he’s mad,” I tried to explain. She tilted her head in confusion. “El diablo…” I said pointing at the guinea pig and then mimicking his teeth in action.
“Ayyyyyeee…” she let out. “You can get him, ok?”
“Ok,” I said. The neighbor backup into her apartment and closed the door. I heard a bunch of locks click into place seconds later. “Fine,” I said turning to the defiant Alfalfa, “no dinner till you come in…” I went back into my apartment leaving the door open behind me. Alfalfa walked to the entrance of the door two foot still inside of the foyer and lay down. “Jerk,” I said sitting down on the couch. Alfalfa held his head high in a show of defiance. “I’m not going to care if you stay out there. I will not come out to get you…” I was in another show down. This would be a contest of wills. I had the chance to prove that I was master and he was the pet. I could not fail…this time.
After a half an hour Alfalfa had settled in. I had tried to call him in several times. My neighbors walked past the open door of my apartment all giving me odd looks. I just smiled back and said ‘hi’. There was nothing I could do. Alfalfa was not fazed by the passing people. He chattered his teeth at the ones that got too close. They would see and hear him and back off.
One of my neighbors tried to help me by using his foot to push Alfalfa back into the apartment. Alfalfa bolted the moment he was gently touched. He ran in circles furious that someone would dare to touch his butt. “You may want to leave now…he’s not happy with you…” Alfalfa’s was so angry his hair was standing on end. He chattered and wheeked at the top of his lungs.
“My god,” the neighbor remarked, “he’s an angry one…isn’t he…”
“Yeup,” I said. “Uh, he may come after you…” I said from the couch. Alfalfa freaked out and started his angry dance. “You should go,” I warned and got up off of the couch and walked to the door so that I would not miss the pending show. Alfalfa went after the guy. He charged and bit at the neighbor’s shoes. “I told you,” I said leaning on the frame of the door. The guy startled and backed up into the wall.
“Woe..woe…watch out,” he said backing into the wall. Alfalfa was not satisfied with only backing him into the wall. He continued to dance, chatter, and huff at the poor man. “Augh,” the guy said and made a quick move for the stairs. Alfalfa followed as far as he could. He made it to the edge of the stairs and looked up and the guy with a menacing stare. The guy looked at me and said, “Have fun with that…” and continued up the stairs.
The women from across the hall opened her door. She was prepared this time. She brandished a one-foot cross at Alfalfa. “Go away, Diablo!” she said and spit on the carpet. Alfalfa acted as if he were struck.
“Oh, Christ,” I said seeing her. The women crossed herself.
“You say that he is el diablo…I have Jesus Christo…” she explained as if it were something common place.
“Yes, so do I,” I told her holding up cross that I was wearing around my neck. She gave me a knowing smile and held up a bottle that I presumed was holly water. “Go ahead,” I said giving her permission to sprinkle the demon pig with it.
The lady started to pray in Spanish. I just stood there trying to seem as reverent as possible. It took all of my self-control to not to burst out laughing. Alfalfa stood there starting up at the lady chattering his teeth. The lady crossed herself and let some holy water fly. It hit Alfalfa and he jumped. She sprinkled more on him. Alfalfa started his angry popcorn dance. He did not like getting wet. A final sprinkle of holly water hit Alfalfa in the face. He wheeked at the top of his lungs and ran back into my apartment.
“Ok?” the lady from across the hall asked.
“Ok!” I replied genuinely happy that the rogue guinea pig was back in my apartment. “Thanks.” I said. The women motioned for to come closer. I stepped forward. She placed some holy water on her hands and made a cross on my forehead with it. “Thank you,” I said. I turned and went back into my apartment. Alfalfa was waiting for me. I closed the door and said, “I told you to get your ass back in here, pig.” He huffed and me and headed for under the bed. El Diablo was home and perhaps a bit of good was infused into his bad bones…
During the past several weeks too many of our beloved fur babies in our families have crossed over the rainbow bridge. I want to express my deepest sympathy to the moms, dads, and fellow babies left behind. Today’s blog was dedicated to all of those that recently left us. I hope that I have brought some joy to you in this time of sorrow. And to all of the ones we have lost:
We love you and we will never forget you.