Posted by: kerryannekay | July 25, 2012

While You Were Gone

Many of you know that I was on vacation last week in San Francisco.  Alfalfa was left at my step-dad’s house.  I jokingly call him Alfalfa’s granddad…  I left tons of greens, two fresh cucumbers, a fresh bag of carrots, fresh timothy hay, and apples as treats.  I told him that he could supplement Alfalfa’s diet with some fresh picked and washed dandelions.  I book marked several pages on his computer that could help him with questions about guinea pigs.  I even wrote out detailed instructions on how to care for and feed Alfalfa.  Given all of that information, what could possibly go wrong?

I gave everyone summarized update on Facebook.  However, the story behind those summaries is really funny.  Here are the text conversations between me and my dad over the course of my vacation…  Enjoy.

Day of Departure:

Dad:  “Alfalfa is in your room and he is eating his dinner.”

Me:  “Thanks.  That’s good.”

Dad:  “I gave him greens, carrots, apples, and cucumber.”

Me:  “That’s good…just watch out how much you give him.”

Dad:  “Did I have him too much?”

Me:  “I don’t know…”
Dad:  *sends dark picture of Alfalfa eating*

Me:  “Sorry, I can’t tell from that picture…  I’m sure it’s ok…”

Dad:  “I’ll take some back…”


Dad:  “Too late…  Do guinea pigs have rabies?”

Me:  “NO!”

Dad:  “He didn’t need to bite me…”

Me: “You tried to take away his food what did you expect?!?  Besides, he will not over eat…”

Dad:  “Let me go and put something on this…”

Me:  “Ok, good night.”


Day 1:

Dad:  “Alfalfa is jumping up and down when gave him his food.  Is that normal?”

Me:  “Yes.  It’s called popcorning…”

Dad:  “Give him popcorn?”

Me:  “NO!  What you saw is called “popcorning”.  That’s the term we use to describe it…

Dad:  “Oh, why?”

Me:  “I don’t know…look it up.  Is everything else ok?”

Dad:  “Yes…except for that jumping thing.”

Me:  “The pop-corning…”

Dad:  “I thought you said not to give him popcorn…”

Me:  “NO popcorn!  Never mind…  TTYL…”

The Golden Gate Bridge

Day 2:

Dad:  “There’s a lot of poop in Alfalfa’s cage…”

Me:  “Ok… Describe a lot.”

*five minutes passes*

Me:  “You still there?”

Dad:  “Hold on, I’m still counting.”

Me:  “Counting?!  Are you counting pellets?!?”

Dad:  “You asked how much…  Can I just send you a picture?”

Me:  “lol”

Dad:  “What?  I’ll just send you a picture.”
*picture of a lot of poop arrives*

Me:  “Looks normal to me…”

Dad:  “Ok, if there is more, I’ll call…”
Me:  “Dad, there is going to be A LOT more… That’s what GP do!”

Dad:  “That’s not normal…”
Me:  “Yes it is…  Call me if it doesn’t keep building up!”

Dad:  “OK.  But I’m not counting it again.”


Day 3:

Dad:  “All is well with the guinea pig…”

Me:  “Good to hear.”

Dad:  “Well…”

Me:  “What?”
Dad:  “He peed all over the floor when I walked into the room to feed him…”

Me:  “He was excited to see you.”
Dad:  “It smells.”

Me:  “I’m sure it does.  It cleans up easily enough…”
Dad:  “Is that normal?”
Me:  “What?  The pee or the smell?”
Dad:  “The pee.”

Me:  “He only does that when he’s really excited.  That pig is more like a dog than a pig some days…”

Dad:  “You owe me.”

Me:  “I know…and I love you.”

Dad:  “Sure, leave me with a peeing guinea pig…”

Me:  “lol”

Dad:  “What?

Me:  “If he doesn’t pee he’s sick, silly…”

Dad:  “I knew that…”

Me:  “Sure…sure you did…”


Day 4:

Dad:  “Alfalfa is eating well.”

Me:  “Good…that means he is healthy…”

Dad:  “He gets a bit of all of his food twice a day.”

Me:  “Only give him greens in the morning…”
Dad:  “He looks too hungry for that…  I give him carrots, cucumbers, and apples too…”

Me:  “He’s going to get fat.”

Dad:  “He looks like he could use a couple extra pounds…”

Me:  “POUNDS?  Try ounces…  OMG!”

Dad:  “Should I cut back?”

Me:  “Just in the morning…”

Dad:  “Ok.”

Dad:  “But what if he looks hungry.”

Me:  “That’s what the hay is for…he gets as much as he wants.”

Dad:  “All he does with it is spread it out.”

Me:  “Clean that up and give him fresh hay.”

Dad:  “He’s dragged it all over…”

Me:  “Yeup, he wants fresh hay.”

Dad:  “Wow, he’s a bad pig.”

Me:  “Yeup, TTYL.”


Day 5:

Dad:  “Alfalfa is running around.”

Me:  “lol, describe it…”

Dad:  “Random circles…back and forth…”

Me:  “Oh, those are called “zoomies”…”
Dad:  “Good name for them…”

Me:  “It’s funny to watch.”

Dad:  “Oh, he just stopped and is looking at me.”

Me:  “Is it in a menacing fashion?”

Dad:  “What?”

Me:  “Never mind…”

Dad:  “Ok…”

The Pacific Coast of California

Day 6:

Dad:  “Alfalfa bit me again…”

Me:  “Why?”
Dad:  “He doesn’t like me…”

Me:  “He doesn’t like men.”

Dad:  “Oh.”

Me:  “Don’t take it personally.”

Dad:  “I have another bite on my hand.”

Me:  “Sucks to be you.”

Dad:  “Thanks.”

Me:  “Don’t thank me, thank Alfalfa.”

Me:  “Is he being aggressive any other way?”
Dad:  “No.”

Me:  “Sorry about your bite…”

Dad:  “Thanks.”


Day 7:

Dad:  “Alfalfa is being loud this morning…”

Me:  “That’s normal.”

Dad:  “He sounds like he is going to die.”

Me:  “No…that’s just him.”

Dad:  “I never knew guinea pigs could be so loud!”

Me:  “Yeup.”

Dad:  “He really is going to die if he keeps that up…”

Me:  “No, GP are that loud.”

Dad:  “He got louder…”

Me:  “He’s got two levels:  loud and louder.”

Dad:  “Louder just kicked in…”

Me:  “lol.”

Dad:  “It’s not funny.  I’m going to get a headache…”

Me:  “lol.”

Dad:  “I’m going to put in ear plugs in order to feed him.”

Me:  “Good luck.”

Dad:  “Thanks, I’m going in…”


As you can tell, were interesting for my dad over vacation.  He was more than happy to have me back home and taking care of Alfalfa.  As for Alfalfa, he held a grudge against me for a couple of days.  Once I gave him a nice meal, he was happy again.  I never want to go on vacation again without him…ever.



  1. I love the conversation. My two boys have a Grandma who helps them out when needed.

    • Pat, does he ‘know all about guinea pigs’? like my dad claimed at the start of this? lol! Thanks for your support! – Kerry Anne

  2. Hahaha! These are very similar to the texts I got on my honeymoon when I left the boys with my mom. Unfortunately for her, my phone didn’t work in the Bahamas, so during the layover in Florida on our way back home I was bombarded with lots of “OMG there is so much POOP! WHY?!” and “I think they are raping each other, is that normal?” and “I think the parakeet scared the crap out of the GPs when he walked up to their lettuce and started eating with them. They aren’t coming out to eat even though the bird is in his cage…is that okay? Should I hand feed them?!”

    • Melissa, I would die if I got the “rape” comment or the “eating with them” comment. Your mom sounds awesome! That’s too funny! Thanks for your support! – Kerry Anne

      • Haha! I laughed so hard when I got all the messages! By the end you could tell my mom knew I wasn’t going to answer because they just became status reports: “Raping again. Just letting them do their thing.”… “Playing soccer with the bird and his tinkly-ball toy. The cat is observing with disdain.”…”The cat is cleaning them and treating them like they are her kittens. Boys look frightened. I am going to rescue them.”

        My boys were definitely more…um…rape-y (?) before Fizz became paralyzed, mostly because Fizz was usually the rapist. Stormy the parakeet was never bothered by them, in fact he seemed intrigued, and would bring them his toys and want to hang out with them, which was adorable. Patches is a very old kitty that loves rodents and birds, but as friends not as food. Also, my mom is pretty awesome.

      • That’s too funny. My dad claimed he was an expert on all things GP. HA! – Kerry Anne

  3. I silently laughed so hard at my desk at work I had tears down my face. This is epic.

    • Susan, you have made my day. Thanks for your comment. Please share. Thanks again. – Kerry Anne

  4. Whee piggies are very loud and whee poop a lot and eat a lot. They are the basic rules whee live by! 😉

    This made Mummy giggle. She says she gets a flurry of texts about our antics whenever she pops out!

    Nibbles, Nutty, Bingo & Buddy

    • Glad to hear that I am not the only one with naughty peegs! – Kerry Anne

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