Friday…D-day…er, AC day… The days past and finally it was Friday. My day started as usual: shower, dress, and breakfast. Knowing that I was going to get a visit from the maintenance guy (MG) I reacted as any normal person would…I started frantically cleaning the house.
I vacuumed the rug, picked up errant beans, and wiped down many surfaces with an anti-bacterial wipe. When, I was done, I put the barrier up. He knew something was up the moment I put that thing in place. I tried my hardest to stay on his side of the room while waiting for MG. I figured that he would see that I was limiting my travels and follow suit.
A strong knock came at the door at about 11 am. “Maintenance Guy!” the voice announced. Alfalfa went from a resting position on the floor to ready to attack position in one swift movement.
“Alfalfa pig, calm down…” I calmly stated trying to sooth my furry want-to-be-killer standing next to me. I stepped over the barrier to answer the door. I heard Alfalfa chatter his teeth behind me. “Dude, calm down,” I said over my shoulder. The chatter stopped. I unlocked the door and opened it. “Hey, guys,” I said to MG and his assistance. “Uh, Alfalfa is a bit worked up about you being here…so, if you work fast it may go better for all of us…”
MG shook his head in agreement and stepped past me with his assistant. Let me describe the maintenance guy’s assistance…I’m going to call him Jose for privacy reasons. As you can tell by the name, he is bilingual in both English and Spanish. Spanish is his first language. He says everything with this cool accent. My name goes from “Kerry” to “Kerrrrrrrrry” with the rolled r when he speaks it. He is good at his job as it comes naturally for him. However, my admiration for Jose’s skills did not change Alfalfa’s opinion of the intruders.
“Ello…Alfalll-fa…” Jose said in his thick accent to Alfalfa. The guinea pig jumped as if he had been pinched from behind. He let out a squeal of protest. MG was standing behind Jose and jumped with squeal. “Alfall-fa” Jose cooed to my little ball of angry fluff. He squatted and bent forward in order to pet Alfalfa’s head.
I interrupted his motion with, “I wouldn’t do that…he tends to bite…”
“Noooo…no dis beut-ty…Noooo…” Jose rolled off his tong. He reached down past my right to where Alfalfa was standing. I took a step back in order to better observe the impending chaos. Jose gently petted Alfalfa’s head and spoke to him in Spanish. Alfalfa did not move and tolerated the petting. I was shocked and almost sat down in amazement.
“He usually doesn’t tolerate that from strangers…” I remarked incredulously. “Wow…” I was truly dumbstruck.
“I is gooood with de pets…” Jose said standing back up…hand, arm, and body still intact.
“I see that…” I said looking back down at Alfalfa.
“Can we get this thing installed?” MG interrupted sarcastically. That was the only excuse Alfalfa need to start his squealing again. He let out the mother of all squeals and charged the barrier trying to get at MG. “You see?” MG said pointing at Alfalfa making him jump in a fit of anger, “That thing is a killer…” Alfalfa continued to throw at fit. He was throwing his body around in a demonic pop-corn type dance fuelled by his anger. The squeals only seemed to get louder as seconds passed.
“Ok,” I said to the three men in my apartment. “You,” I said pointing at MG and Jose, “install the AC unit…and you, “I said pointing at Alfalfa, “quiet down while I get you something to put in that mouth…” Alfalfa did not relent.
“Oh, pig,” I sighed. I went over to the refrigerator and pulled out the romaine lettuce. The stuff was Alfalfa’s latest food obsession. As I removed the bag the squealing continued. “Pig,” I admonished from over the door, “We need air conditioning…” I closed the door, went over the barrier, and sat in front of it. I tried to position myself to block Alfalfa’s view of MG and Jose.
The next hour involved Alfalfa squealing, me offering him lettuce, him dragging the piece beneath the bed, devouring it, coming back out for more, realizing that MG and Jose were still there, and him squealing…over and over and over and over again… Mix in the noise of pulling, fitting, and installing a new air conditioner and you have a sense of the insanity I endured for that damn thing.
To make matter worse, I think Alfalfa may have taken advantage of the situation. The fur-ball went through half of a head of romaine lettuce! I couldn’t imagine the poop storm I was going to have after MG and Jose left.
Finally, after all of the problems, the unit was in and working properly. With my thanks and some loud squeals from behind me, I sent MG and Jose on their way. I removed the barrier and Alfalfa ran at the door sniffing furiously. I walked over to the new unit and adjusted it. The air felt great on my face. Thank goodness this fiasco was over. Alfalfa was going to be busy for a while making sure MG and Jose were gone. So, I decided to watch TV for a while. I turned on the TV. I heard a pop as the electricity in the entire apartment went out. Everything was dark, still, and silent. “DAMN IT!!!” I yelled as loud as I could followed by, “I BLEW A DAMN FUSE! DAMN IT!!!”
Thank you for following Alfalfa’s most recent adventure with MG. We both hope you enjoyed it. Don’t worry…a new adventure starts next week… – Kerry Anne and Alfalfa