As you can tell from previous stories, my guinea pig, Alfalfa is not normal. He was very high strung and loud when I first rescued him. These two things as well as his questionable medical background worried me. I made an appointment at my local exotic vet to easy my worries and get Alfalfa a complete medical checkup.
The trip to the vet’s office was easy and unremarkable. I thought that this was foreshadowing a calm and easy vet visit for my new pet. I got to the office, filled out the long form, and got grilled by the reception staff on why I didn’t know the exact date of my pet’s birth. After a long explanation of his rescue they finally put me into room.
I took Alfalfa out of his carrier and placed him on the metal exam table. He did not like it and began to protest by squealing at the top of his lungs. I tried to pet him to calm him down. He got louder. The dog in the room next door began to bark. I was at a loss. After about two minutes of the dog-guinea pig chorus, the staff had had it. I was told to calm my animal down. So, I picked up Alfalfa. He would not have anything to do with me and squirmed to get out of my hands. I almost dropped him.
Out of fear and frustration, I sat down and placed Alfalfa on the floor of the room. He walked away and began to explore the room sniffing furiously as he went. He was blissfully quiet and the dog next door had stopped barking. After about five minutes Alfalfa was done exploring the room and began a second look at spots. I was tired and put my head back against the wall and closed my eyes. Sometime later, I heard a soft tap at the door and a voice say, “Alfalfa?” as it opened. I caught a black shape near the door as I opened my eyes.
The mention of his name was the only motivation that Alfalfa needed. He bolted. The darn thing ran right through the open door, around the vet, and into the hallway. I jumped to my feet and yelled “Al-fiiiiii!” The vet turned around and I peered out from the door to get a better view of the hallway. Alfalfa was facing the vet and the vet was facing him. Show down at the OK-Corral. The receptionist, hearing my cry of alarm, came running around the corner to see what the commotion was about. He was trapped between two experienced animal catchers. We had him!
Nope. The dog must have sensed the disturbance and began to bark. Alfalfa bolted out into the waiting room and disappearing somewhere in the maze of chairs, displays, and other assorted waiting room items. I pushed past the vet saying something like, “Oh, god, a dog is going to eat him…” When I got out into the waiting room and scanned it, all was quiet…too quiet. A set of dogs and their owner sat there completely oblivious to the crisis at hand.
The vets walked up behind me and made a smart remark about, “he’s a feisty one!” I told him to shove it and got down on hands and knees to look for my pet. The receptionist was behind her desk franticly on the phone with the ‘back room’ explaining that we had “an escapee”! I turned to see two burley men come running out the back room door, down the hallway, and into the reception area with rather large dog catching poles. Still on all fours, I lost it. I began to laugh hysterically. I had to reposition and sit down before I fell over.
“Which way did it go?” the one guy asked. Still laughing I said, “Those are not going to work! It’s a guinea pig!” “A pig!” the other guy cried in alarm. “No, a guinea pig!” I said as clearly as I could through the laughter. I made a gesture to indicate the size of my pet. “Oh,” the first one said in apparent disappointment. “So, you don’t need these?” he said pointing to the pole. Though my tears of laugher I heard the vet explain to the two attendants that indeed it was a lose guinea pig and not a dog, cat, or boar.
“Now what?” was all I could say as I sat on the floor. The vet suggested that we clear out the room, I go back to the door of the waiting room, and call Alfalfa while rustling a bag of treats to tempt him back. I got up took the proffered treats and walked back to the examine room. The room was cleared. ‘No way this is going to work,’ I thought over and over again. Dutifully I shook the bag and cooed “Alfalfa…” As I stood in the doorway between the hallway and the room, a black figure darted out from under the dog food display and started towards me. “HA!” I said. The guinea pig froze in his tracks.
I had had it with this little game. I was tired, I was mad, and most of all, a small little rodent was not going to get the best of me. I yelled, “Damn it! Alfalfa Pig, get your ass back into this room right now!” I pointed at the ground. He looked at me, chattered his teeth, huffed, and proceed down the hallway and into the room. He entered his carrier and collapsed in sheer exhaustion. I bent over, closed, and secured the door. Game over.
The vet said, “That was fun,” with a huge grin on his face as he entered the room and closed the door. “You’ve got one great guinea pig there…great personality and feisty!” I sat down on the floor. “My god is that what it’s called?” was all I could ask as I hung my head in exhaustion. “I’m doomed…”
Due to demand, Alfalfa has is own facebook page: https://www.facebook.com/AlfalfasAdventures#!/AlfalfasAdventures
Thanks for your support.